[gvls]

My mom is all i have, she went above an beyond to put me through college on her own, she has always been supportive, and most of my life i've considered myself to be a good daughter, and althought there's been bumps in the road we've had a fairly good relatonship.

But lately (in the last a year or so) i've screwed up a lot. I became depressed after losing my job and eventually lost confidence and motivation for life in general and I started treating my mom with indifference even when she hadn't done anything to deserve it. I didn't realize this until we got in an argument and she told me how I've been treating her, that she doesn't know who I am only that I am her daughter and a stranger at the same time. And that I've been treating her like this for a long time.

She got very angry at me and I completely understand that because I know it wasn't fair to her for me to treat her this way, I don't know why I was taking thing out on her. I love my mother and I appreciate with all my heart everything she's done for me, and I don't know why I was acting that way towards her.

I've apologized several times to her and told her i want to change, that i'm sorry and i regret fully what i've become. But every time I do it feels like it gets worse and she wont respond to me at all.

She has a strong personality and she's a very proud person that sticks to her guns and doesn't back down. So she doesn't talk to me anymore at all. We live together and she ignores me if i tell her anything, whether is a question or statement or just asking her if she wants to have lunch with me. And it seems like she gets more upset if I speak to her, even if she doesn't say anything. She locks herself in her room and doesn't tell me where she's going if she leaves the apartment.

I don't know what to do, i feel so depressed and so sad that I made her feel like I don't care about her. Like I said I don't know what made me treat her that way, but looking back now I can see the wrong that i did. I miss her so much please give me some advice. How do i make things better?

[Leed]

Have you gotten treatment for your depression? I'd say that's the first thing you should do. Either get into therapy, or see your doctor and get on an antidepressant. But you need to do SOMETHING to get this depression under control. And let your mother KNOW that you're doing this! Tell her that your depression is what has caused all this terrible behavior, and that you're definitely making changes so that you two can get back to normal! I'm sure you've already told her that you want things the way they used to be. But if she sees you taking STEPS to change things, perhaps she will come around and begin to talk and react more to you.

I'm sorry this happened, but I totally understand. Depression is awful, and I would have hoped that she would understand, but perhaps she just didn't recognize that it WAS depression. And perhaps she doesn't realize that depression CAN be very serious -- and that it is a disease! It is recognized by the American Medical Society as an Illness! Perhaps if she knew that, she would be more understanding. Other Societies recognize it too.

So either see a therapist or your doctor. But do it soon so you can get a hold on this depression. I wish you the very best! Please let us know how things go, will you? I'd personally REALLY like to know! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Vona9]

Lee's advice was perfect. I couldn't say it better myself.

I know how it feels to be pushed to the side by family, my parents/siblings/rest of the family and I didn't speak for nearly a year and a half. But I realized I had a problem (a little different than yours) and talked to them about it. I told them I wanted help and would be willing to reach out and get it. No matter what your suffering from, you can get help and make it at least a little bit better. Look at your options and determine what would be best for you. ((gvls))

[jennifersullivan]

The only person you can change is yourself. Get yourself better and your mom will in turn eventually see your progress and everything can fall into place

Without disagreeing with anyone on here, I see something else going on also. While I wholeheartedly think that you should get help and do your part in fixing this relationship, I don't for a second believe that anyone is solely responsible for the deterioration of any relationship.

I know you only see one side, you see your depression and the way you treated her but the fact that you've tried making up, apologizing and aside from getting help have made attempts to make amends, your mother is now going out of her way to seemingly abandon you emotionally to punish you. Unfortunately you can't change that, I'll agree with the others, you're only in control of you. I hope she comes around as you get help but I just wanted to say that I feel for you and want you to know that her behavior isn't necessarily fair to you either. In essence, doing almost the same thing you did to her.

*hugs* I hope things get better for you.