[Ladyzero]

Have you ever wondered why now so many relationships fail. It's quite depressing really, to enter a relationship and hope it lasts when so many don't. Is it 2/3 survive longterm ? What gives a rel. longevity ? Apart from hard work, commitment and of course love. But so many people just fall out of love, even after 20 plus years of marriage, even if they remain friends after the end of the marriage. Look at Lenny Henry and Dawn French's long marriage, that ended, no third parties involved. After so long as a married couple to divorce it is sad. Why did the marriage, or any marriage stop working ? Obviously along the way problems emerge that need both parties to work at. You can't expect 60 years with someone and have no ups and downs. Many claim they become like brother and sister after a long time, well why not find new and exciting ways to find the passion again. Isn't it there, just buried in the familiarity of being married for so long ?
Why not re-invent the marriage ? like a make over, takes years off you. If it's getting stale, freshen it up !

Infidelity is a separate issue. As to why people cheat, there are many reasons. Cheating is often a deal breaker for some, a valid reason to divorce.

Some people divorce after a life time together, I find that strange. Don't you get to a certain age, and settle comfortablely ? It's lasted 40 years, it must be good, surely ? Not perfect, but what's perfect ?

I'm not talking about abusive marriages or adultery. Simply, an ending to what was a relationship built to last.

We (me and my Husband, R.I.P.) were very, happily married for 19 years, together for 25. We were genuinely secure in our union. I believe had he not died (suicide) we would be still married today. My own parents were happily married for nearly 50 years, only my Mum's death (R.I.P) separated them.

Even wealth and a priviledged background is no guarantee. Look at the royal family. 3 out of 4 of the queen's children have divorced, 2 are on their second marriage. They are probably not good examples because of the pressure and influence from the family, but even so, to see 3 of your 4 children with broken marriages is depressing, I'd have thought.

My brother has two failed marriages behind him, and adultery was not the cause of their failure.

I just wonder what makes love die and fade away. Wonder what makes one marriage last and another fail. No marriage is easy, and it takes work on both sides to last. I wonder do the statistics put people off marriage.
Not me, given the chance again, and the right person I'd remarry, definately. But for me, hopefully it would be, til death do us part. I'd do everything in my power to have an everlasting relationship.

Your thoughts :

[Leed]

I think alot of people marry too soon after meeting. They don't have a clue what each others' quirks or habits are. And I NOW am a firm believer in living together before marriage. Of course when I was young and before I married the first time (stupid and married at 18) I didn't believe in that as I was brought up Catholic -- and heaven forbid that you had sex before marriage! But now I think you should take some time to figure out if you can STAND living together as some people are total SLOBS.

Plus some people DO change after you live together/get married. They get a sense of "ownership" over the other and start to become controlling and/or abusive. It's best to find out before the marriage license. That happened to me, and after my divorce my 2nd husband and I lived together for about 4 years before we got married. AFter we both had failed LONG-TERM marriages, we wanted to be sure.

And I think alot of folks don't "re-invent" the marriage because they just don't have the incentive. They're just so bored with the marriage, they just go with the status-quo.

Just my thoughts and experience. Take care. Lee

[shezbut]

I find the statistics to be incredibly depressing nowadays!

There are, of course valid reasons to end marriages : abuse ~ physical and emotional. But a lot of times, it seems as though people just start looking towards others to meet their needs, rather than sharing their thoughts and fears with their significant other.

I've lost a lot of hope and belief in lifelong commitments, since the end of my 14 year marriage. Our marriage was far from perfect, but I did believe in "death til we part". That commitment brought me a big sense of security and hope.

I don't think that I will ever be strong enough to take that leap of faith again.

[justme1623]

Ya i know the loss of faith well these days but it was not ever felt before now. I was taken for all i was by the guy i was to be with always just by the lack of being able to be honest about what was wanted, i have not ever felt a lack of respect from anyone ever in life and will not again.
All i ever was went out the door the first time he acted so badly to me and the lies told by him was the start of the end of us
when you are taken for a emotional ride by the person you are suppose to bearable to depend on always its not easy to overcome,but possible . You just need to keep yourself in check of seeing the good in ur self and the belief in your self worth and that others will also see it and will treat u as u should be AND THE FEELING THAT WERE KEEPING YOU HOSTAGE WILL BE GONE