Advice needed.

This may be long but it's extremely important.

I met my boyfriend at church one year ago. He is different from other man not perfect of course but overall I think he's one of the best ones, and I love him deeply.
When I met him I had no idea that he was in a rehab program that's associated with the church.
But he eventually told me everything. He's adopted he's current father was in the marines so he was never around, he's mother who adopted him had severe case of Crohn's disease, she passed away. He loved her so much. And right after that he started getting high till he's dad couldn't take it anymore because he was stealing his money for drugs.
This was for around 2 yrs. after that he was sent to rehab/church place.
He was completely changed he was there for a long time everyone loved him coz he has a very humble personality. Than he got to go back home he got a job and started college. Now after five months of being back home with one of his old friend he decided one night to get high again luckily he's parents caught him and sent him back to the church the next day. I was told all this by his stepmom. And the day after he got high was my birthday dec 24, than Christmas. I still haven't talked to him he never said happy birthday... Idk if he's not allowed to talk to me or if he just decided to not speak to me... I don't have a clue what to do!!
I'm really hurt I was looking forward to spent the holidays with him.
I've never met anyone that used before..
He's never ever been aggressive he's always so sweet !!
Should I wait for him and once he gets better keep our relationship..
I know this was only a relapse is part of recovering I heard.
Or should I keep my distance and ignore him once he gets out.
I'm scared if I ignore him he will be upset and keep getting high.
I miss him and I really do love him but IAM also hurt.

Please I really need support and advice.
My birthday I was really depressed I was forced to get up from bed

I would wait til he contacts you. He's having enough trouble getting & keeping sober, without a relationship right now. So give him time to get his head straight, and get HIM straight/sober. This takes time.

I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict myself and I remember those days. Trying to keep a relationship going would have been too much for me. I had to concentrate on keeping sober. I have a feeling that's what he's trying to do right now. So give him time. Whether or not you want to wait is up to you.

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

How Would i know if he'll ever be ready for a relationship. I do not mind waiting because I absolutely love him! But at The same time it breaks my heart. I want to help.
But yes you are right he needs time.
And when he contacts me, what should i do? I want him to get better but i dont want it to be Easy for him to get High and because in The end i'll be there anyways.

YOU aren't making it easy for him to get high. YOU can't do anything about it one way or the other.

You can't stop him from using. Only HE can do that. He has to want to get sober more than anything else - and as far as that goes, you don't come into the picture. He has to want this more than life itself. No amount of nagging, begging, pleading, screaming or anything else is going to keep him from USING if he wants to. You're not going to be able to keep him from doing that.

When he contacts you, you don't need to bring it up immediately. I'm sure he'll tell you where he is as far as sobriety goes. If he doesn't mention it soon, then sure, ask him about it -- make sure he IS sober/clean cause you don't want to be running around with a drug addict. If you're sure he's clean, be supportive. Encourage him to go to meetings -- NA meetings, cause he won't be able to do this alone. Very few people can. Or, if he goes to church meetings, that's good too. But he NEEDS support!!

I wish you the very best. God bless & keep us posted, okay? Take care. Hugs, Lee

First of all Be lated Happy b'day.

Dont waste your important days for anyone

Ok just wait for some days but if he don't forget him and dont let come in your life again and wait for the right person who cares for you atlest dont let you upset on your b'day.

Best of luck

ou don't want to be running around with a drug addict. If you're sure he's clean, be supportive. Encourage him to go to meetings -- NA meetings, cause he won't be able to do this alone. Very few people can. Or, if he goes to church meetings, that's good too. But he NEEDS support!!

I wish you the very best. God bless & keep us posted, okay? Take care. Hugs, Lee [/QUOTE]

He sent me a message and said hes sorry he loves me and misses me.
How can someone be supportive??
I want to. But im paronoid i thought he was Great i never knew he was using.
Now its all Over my head! I keep thinking
What if he gets a disease from The needles or car accident and kills himself
My head thinks every small detail lung cáncer!!
Hes 21.
He Did drugs for 2 yrs
Is he more likely to stop?

Bottom line on this: it's a true test of whether he's worth waiting til he's clean and sober or not. If he uses your lack of contact as an excuse to get high, if you stayed with him he'd look for all kinds of excuses too. but if he really 1. wants to be free of this and 2. Loves you, this will be a motivator for him to do so and really stick with it and he will.

I agree with Leed to wait until he gets in contact with you and stick to your guns in that you don't want to start up and be serious unless he's committed to a clean lifestyle. You can love the guy but don't have to be with him while he's still addicted and/or getting high. Show your love for him by not enabling him with tolerating this behavior.

Update!!!
Its only been 3 weeks since rehab and he
Got drunk Now he got kicked out of there. And is going back to his parents house!!!

What is happening to him?????
Im going crazy i dont understand this behavior!!
Havent talked to him yet..
He doesnt Have a Job. What are The plans of an addict?
And also a ramdon change!! Where did this come from? His family loves him I love him
Help please.. Should I be warned?

I am not a drug addict or alcoholic and I have never been one so I cannot help explain or relate to his situation, motifs, or the like, and also I have never been with addicts or alcoholics, but my general advice is to stay away. Relationships are hard enough without the introduction of drug and alcohol abuse. Do not make life too hard for yourself. Luckily you do not have children with him so it should not be so hard to bid farewell. If later on he reappears at your doorstep, you may then decide to reconsider him, but by no means should you wait for him. Do not put your life on hold as life is too short already.

Also, read up on the effectiveness of rehabilation programs and form your own opinion as to the likelihood of his recovery. I have never looked at it seriously because I have not had a need for, but my general impression is that comorbid drug and alcohol abuse chances are not so good. Better than those of winning a lottery but still not impressive.

When you learn about the probability of success, decide your course of action.

You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you.. I understand you love him, but you can not save him. He can't recover until he is ready to do so. I agree with everyone, do not contact him, when he is ready he will come around. Please take care of your self.