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  #1  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 01:31 AM
Karlam1991's Avatar
Karlam1991 Karlam1991 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: US
Posts: 64
I need help i feel really miserable.
My boyfriend had been clean for a while
I never even knew what drugs were.
One day a month ago I didn't know he had gone back to smoking
And I found the pack and he did not care he pulled over and smoked one
In front of me he also was encouraging me to try one!!
I said no.
He said he'll stop if it bothers me that much.
A week ago he started getting high again
Before my birthday.. This is too much pain I can't take I'm terrified
First I'm really sad I don't want to go back to this again
I'm really scared what if one day he dieds from that stuff I can't bare
That... If I don't talk to him again and break up. I'm going to still be worried about him!! He said he's sorry that he learned his lesson.. But that doesn't matter... I have feelings too and it hurts a lot.
Now he's in rehab his parents sent him there.
The day he offered me the cigarette I asked if was going to seek help.
He laughed and said no why do I need help ?I enjoy smoking.

I love him I really do!! But I don't know if in strong enough to deal with a recovering drug addict....

Can someone share their story?
What's the best thing to do with someone like this?

How do i know if he really loves?
If he rather get High a night before my birthday and christmas without caring if i got upset and he Would lose.. Should i take that as a sign that he doesnt Care about me?
I'm scared
Hugs from:
PsycheSeas, shezbut

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  #2  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 01:46 AM
raavn111 raavn111 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2012
Posts: 8
It's very difficult to quit addiction like this untill he actually want to quit it by himself but try to convince him with love and go consult a doctor he'll give right advice regarding this....

......................
Best of luck
Hugs from:
Karlam1991
Thanks for this!
Karlam1991
  #3  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 02:14 AM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Location: Rochester, MN
Posts: 12,565
What do you really love about your boyfriend? How old are you two?

You said that he is/was a recovering addict...what is the addiction to? In my experience, addicts will not stop using until they truly want to. That is an absolute necessity!

I would say that what is important is your personal views on your bf using. Your views are yours, and those are the ones that may skew perception in one way or another. If you believe that using any non-prescribed drugs is wrong, then that's what you believe. If your bf sees things differently, chances are he's going to have this problem again someday. It's just a matter of time before this issue pops back up again in your relationship with him.

I wouldn't necessarily take your bf's actions as a sign that he doesn't care about you. Rather, I would look at it that he doesn't think that it's a big deal. He doesn't agree with your perception.

Imo, what it all comes down to is how deeply you hold your views. It seems to me that your view is very strong, and I'd advise you to move on. You should stay away from other men for a while (until you're actually over him & ready for another relationship), and stick with guys that have similar beliefs to yours. That's my advice...

Best wishes to you!
__________________
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Thanks for this!
Karlam1991
  #4  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 12:05 PM
Anonymous12111009
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@Shezbut: Well said.

I agree that this is a clash of values here and I dont' think that sacrificing your strongly held values for a boyfriend is going to make for a good relationship. The thing is, the best person for one to be with is someone that shares your views and beliefs. It's never going to be perfect on everything but the more important ones like drugs, that is a significant subject in that it affects your lives very directly.

She is right in that an addict of any sort is not going to give up their vice until they want or need that.

The fact that he smoked right in front of you after you voiced your apprehension does not paint a very pretty picture of him. He doesn't respect you or your opinions, clearly.

I dont' know how long you've ben with him, but no matter what my first impulse is to agree with your moving on.

Last edited by Anonymous12111009; Dec 27, 2012 at 03:28 PM. Reason: spelling error
Thanks for this!
Karlam1991, shezbut
  #5  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 01:49 PM
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Karlam1991 Karlam1991 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: US
Posts: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
What do you really love about your boyfriend? How old are you two?

You said that he is/was a recovering addict...what is the addiction to? while (until you're actually over him & ready for another relationship), and stick with guys that have similar beliefs to yours. That's my advice...

Best wishes to you!

Well i met him at church. He played base
Everyone loves him. Hes very into music
We have been together for 1 1/2 yr
My pastor introduced us. We fell in love he was very respectful
Very sweet to me.. He tells everyone about me that I'm the love of his life
He never stops saying I love you and I believe he does.
He has NEVER ever been agressive never yelled nor argue.
I start arguments he never does.
Overall he is good
But I'm sure he has a lot to learn
He's 22
And for my birthday he had the present ready
And he made a song.

I'm not sure what drugs. Maybe marijuana and DXM.
Hugs from:
PsycheSeas, shezbut
  #6  
Old Dec 27, 2012, 11:07 PM
thegioivantay thegioivantay is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Hanoi, Vietnam
Posts: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karlam1991 View Post
Well i met him at church. He played base
Everyone loves him. Hes very into music
We have been together for 1 1/2 yr
My pastor introduced us. We fell in love he was very respectful
Very sweet to me.. He tells everyone about me that I'm the love of his life
He never stops saying I love you and I believe he does.
He has NEVER ever been agressive never yelled nor argue.
I start arguments he never does.
Overall he is good
But I'm sure he has a lot to learn
He's 22
And for my birthday he had the present ready
And he made a song.

I'm not sure what drugs. Maybe marijuana and DXM.
Happy to you....;
  #7  
Old Dec 28, 2012, 05:35 PM
PsycheSeas PsycheSeas is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2012
Posts: 33
Hello Karlam1991, its nice to meet you.
Karlam1991, I see your love for your boyfriend. You do not want him to suffer that is why you are asking him to quit.
As a psychologist, I would recommend that you try all the smoke free solutions that you can think of., Research, google and there is the patch and some relaxing subliminal music that can motivate your boy friend to quit smoking

http://hypnosis2stopsmoking.net/

http://smokefree.hypnosis2stopsmoking.net/

Karlam1991, this hypnosis method can work miraculously. You do not need to ask your boyfriend again and again to quit. He might get irritated but if you give him Stop Smoking CDs & MP3s gift, your boyfriend can enjoy a healthier and smoke free life, with stop smoking hypnotherapy.


I hope you like the idea
Thanks for this!
Karlam1991
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