Negative Gossipy Mother

I need some advice, my mother and I don't have the best relationship and I want to make it better but we always end up fighting with each other if there isn't a peace keeper around. More often than not, we argue because I criticize her; this usually happens after I have listened to her make negative comments about family members / friends pictures she finds around my house:

-Jane is so fat, can you believe it?
-I hear Jenny had a bad nose job, do you have a recent picture of her?

I'm sure you get it; at some point at about an hour into the conversation I tell her that I don't enjoy listening to her gossip about people - her response, "it's not gossip if it is true." She ends up storming out because she is mad at me. We have had this argument over and over again - she never apologizes to me because she thinks it's my problem and I am just not a good conversationalist.

Wow your mom acts like a problem child who needs to be taught her manners! I don't really have any advice because my mother is/was the same way. I warned her she better start acting nice or things would be rough for her in the nursing home with a bad attitude like that. She forgot to tell me until later that it was my fault for being fat, being divorced, and not having kids. That might be what she's really complaining about with you?

My partner can be like that.. does it with real people he knows, and also people off the tv. Drives me nuts to be honest! Its draining to hear that kind of negativity all the time, and its almost like he expects me to join in. He also gets pleasure out of it.

I think its lack of confidence, to put someone down and try make themselves feel better. My way of coping, is unless he has a real, honest, worthy gripe over someone who has done him wrong, is I ignore him or change the subject. If he's being *****y, and doesn't take the hint that I don't want to hear it, then I walk out of the room. I do not enter into a conversation. If I do that, its almost like I am validating the *****ing.

You may never change your mum, but you can change how you react to her. I'd suggest what I do, just change the subject, or stay quiet. Whatever you think, I hope you find a way to get through it tho, its very dull hearing it all!

Good luck..

Thanks for the advice riotgrrrl; I know she is unhappy but will do nothing to change it. I will try to change the subject and NOT react next time.

hankster, thank you for the input. I am not skinny and I am not fat, I am happily married and just started working on children. This is really what concerns me, I don't want my future children to be exposed to her negativity. I can tell you firsthand that this listening to this all of my life did give me self-esteem issues which I do battle daily; I'm lucky enough to have a husband with the most beautiful personality and sunny disposition that is usually a good buffer. Unfortunately, he is not always around when she is...

My mother has been divorced from my father now for 32 years and is still in love with him. She is bitter that he is remarried to someone who is really not that attractive - Mom doesn't get it that not everyone is obsessed with good looks, healthy teeth and a nice body; a good personality will win in the end.

I think since both of you seem to be pretty darn stable and have good marriage, that THAT is going to influence any future children that you have. They will soak all THAT in, and will probably have the sunny disposition like your husband, and since you're happy in your marriage, they'll be happy just like YOU..

I don't think you have to worry. Just because they come in contact with your mother occasionally, won't hurt them. They'll see the negativity but they won't like it. They'll understand that she's "different' than they are. I'm sure it won't "rub off" on them.

I know how frustrating this is. Someone who is negative all the time is really hard to be around. I think I'd limit the amount of time I spent with her just to reduce the amount of arguments. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee