[Mindinpieces]

For a long time now I have been unable to successfully communicate with others and for friendships. It is totally on my part but I just never learn how to successfully be a friend or communicate with other on their level. This causes me many problems and usually as a result I never really speak to people or come across as abrupt and cold hearted. It's just I don’t have a clue and feel I will always make things sour and just don't know how to communicate with them. Either that or I end up in arguments with people or depress them. Or usually others from friendships out of hate of me and gossiping about the horrible person I am. Which really makes me hate other people and makes feel like there no point. Usually I fell I will cause problems if I try and normally like the last part above it always turns against me trying, so I don't but then I come unstuck when you have to communicate with other when I just don't get it and it always end the same way, a horrible mess. It's not that I don't have the ability or understanding of communicating with other because I am capable f that it's just I don’t know how to put to use my understanding and ability to communicate and successfully communicate with others on any level.

This causes countless problems with old school friends, work colleagues and a guy... you could call that sort of dating but that was another story all in past now all through my lack of be able to communicate with other on a normal level of some sort.

[shezbut]

(((Mindinpieces)))

I've had a lot of the same problems ~ all throughout my childhood, as well as into adulthood.

For me, I have recognized that I can only maintain a couple of relationships. I've always gone completely into my friendships. I made a few friends over my life time, but I shared too much of myself with them, pushing them away. That taught me to hold myself back a bit. Don't always share every bit of myself.

I have a boyfriend (and I hold myself to that same general rule with him as well) and 2 daughters. My girls are young, and I've probably already shared too much of my honest thoughts and feelings with them. And, that's it.

It would be nice to have a friend or two! But, I know that I have a very hard time with trust and not really knowing where the correct limits are. So, it's kind of an ongoing struggle. Just wanted you to know that I can relate. I am in a DBT group therapy though. Perhaps group therapy could help you learn appropriate boundaries as well as techniques to boost your self-esteem.

[unaluna]

This is a good insight. I have the same problem, I either overwhelm people (since high school!) or I am perceived as distant and cold. So PC gives me good practice on 1. Selecting the kind of people I can understand by reading many many posts and then 2. Learning how to be a supportive understanding friend. But 3. Knowing when it's okay to confront someone more honestly or be more direct. Also you start to feel like part of the PC community as a whole. For example even tho you and I haven't spoken recently, I remember you and can see the IncredIble progress you have made.

[Mindinpieces]

Hi Hanster it has been a long time, I remember you as well. Think you got other end of my abruptness at the time sorry for that. You are right though I sort of do the similar thing in real life but people still mistake that, it took me a year to finally confront the guy I sort of dated. I guess this is a no right or wrong thing which makes it harder because each situation and interaction with other in each setting will be different and require many different things. I guess I perceive others to have some ground or basic level to work from which I think I may have misplace along the way or need to brush up on. Actually maybe I just never got it from when I was younger. I can only be hopeful I can learn and begin to start to make my interactions with others go in another direction.

I love your avatar it also speaks for me, I a generally selective of my thoughts or at least the one I begin to notice and have to own up to and work.

Although I have many a bit of progress so it appears to you with this, I am sorry everything else took many steps back in the other direction with me but that's all another thing and problem in itself.

Thank you for the reply and wishing you well.

[Mindinpieces]

Originally Posted by shezbut

(((Mindinpieces)))

I've had a lot of the same problems ~ all throughout my childhood, as well as into adulthood.

For me, I have recognized that I can only maintain a couple of relationships. I've always gone completely into my friendships. I made a few friends over my life time, but I shared too much of myself with them, pushing them away. That taught me to hold myself back a bit. Don't always share every bit of myself.

I have a boyfriend (and I hold myself to that same general rule with him as well) and 2 daughters. My girls are young, and I've probably already shared too much of my honest thoughts and feelings with them. And, that's it.

It would be nice to have a friend or two! But, I know that I have a very hard time with trust and not really knowing where the correct limits are. So, it's kind of an ongoing struggle. Just wanted you to know that I can relate. I am in a DBT group therapy though. Perhaps group therapy could help you learn appropriate boundaries as well as techniques to boost your self-esteem.

Hi Shezbut, youe right as well I think like you I have shared far too much of myself. I am far to honset and just everything is all so open and much for me it tends to just leak out. Thank you for the reply and wishing you all the best