[fedup1]

Okay, here is a quick description of my current situation....I am married have four children am 4 months pregnant. I am currently a business owner and have a small shop that I have been running for two years. I am getting ready to close the shop and go out of business because 1) I'm pregnant and will not be able to run shop by myself with newborn 2) I have been thinking about closing shop anyways because no matter how hard/long I work I can barely profit with the overhead plus daycare for 4 soon to be 5 children 3) I would prefer to be a stay at home mom again feeling like other people are basically raising my children and not spending enough time with them. I want a divorce from my husband, I realize that in y state you cannot get a divorce while pregnant you have to wait until baby is born and paternity established. So, for now I would like a separation and for my husband to move out of the house until we can get a divorce. He makes 100k a year and would not have difficulty in being able to afford a place of his own. Problem is, he doesn't want a divorce and refuses to leave, so what do I do? What are my options? I feel completely trapped and extremely deppressed and unhappy? Does anyone have any advice?????

[Rose3]

How to change him? Does he get the message that his activities are hurtful to you and the family? I read some of your posts. You deserve better. Are there some things that you can plan for yourself (short-term, long-term) in order to have a happier life?

[0w6c379]

If I were you, I'd speak to a lawyer. Many will give a free consultation. If you do go, I'd suggest writing down as many questions as you can think of to make the most of the visit. Maybe you can still file for a legal separation. Tell the lawyer if you are unable to afford his fees and ask him for any suggestions and/or referrals. Do you think your husband really believes you're serious? Many married people say they want a divorce but they are just venting. Best wishes.

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Rose3

How to change him? Does he get the message that his activities are hurtful to you and the family? I read some of your posts. You deserve better. Are there some things that you can plan for yourself (short-term, long-term) in order to have a happier life?

I have tried everything I can possibly think of we have been to counseling twice and he didn't want to continue that after only one or two sessions with each therapsts...continuing his behavior during and after...he even went to recovery classes and 12 step program which he dropped out of both claiming it wasn't helping, everyone there were liars, fakes, and that he didn't really have a problem and wasn't having any issues. In fact even with me requesting a divorce he just told me today that he doesn't feel he has a problem at all and we just have a different opinion on the issue. So basically he has chosen pornography and sexually acting out to me our marriage and family! So now I am stuck and unless I want to sleep on couch or floor I am even stuck in the same bed with him every night! Just don't know what to do

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

If I were you, I'd speak to a lawyer. Many will give a free consultation. If you do go, I'd suggest writing down as many questions as you can think of to make the most of the visit. Maybe you can still file for a legal separation. Tell the lawyer if you are unable to afford his fees and ask him for any suggestions and/or referrals. Do you think your husband really believes you're serious? Many married people say they want a divorce but they are just venting. Best wishes.

I think you are right and consulting a lawyer is going to be my only option for help! I think he knows I'm serious because normally I would have accepted his apology, believed his promises to stop and we would have made up and moved on by now but he knows I feel differently this time and that I am serious about wanting to split, I think actually seeing him masturbating to hardcore pornography at WORK at his desk in between customers really opened my eyes to what I have been dealing with for so long and what I physically and emotionally cannot handle in my life anymore! According to him this is normal, every guy does it, I am just a controlling prude!

[shezbut]

I'd go with Michelle's advice, and seek out a professional attorney's advice on what you can/should do. All states and D.C. allow no-fault divorce ~ but do check to see if your state practices fault-based if that's what you're seeking. Some states do require separation for a certain length in time before they will allow divorce as well.

(((best wishes)))

[honeybee777]

I have read all your post, OMG I feel so bad for you right now! I cant beleive your husband would do that to you after all that with your dad, for about how long have youve known about his perverted behavior? I think the only way to get him out is to seek a lawyer, have you been able to even be happy about the baby? Has he even acted happy about the baby?

[katya093]

well if you want to be separated and you think it would be healthier for you then you should do so .
no one can stop you but yourself from doing it .
Don't let him get in the way of you doing whats best for you .
any family you can stay with or friends ?
as for the divorce and him not wanting to get one - if i were you i would just focus on you getting a place to stay to be separated and the baby to come (:
those seem like the priorities .
once you are separated communication might be easier and less tension .
after the baby is born then focus on the divorce .
im sure after being separated for a certain amount of time he will get the msg .
good luck !