[raintree]

I reconciled with a long time live-in boyfriend. We are senior citizens, but have been together many years. We separated over domestic violence issues. He contacted me via email during our separation and we ended up reconciling. He arranged for (and paid for) counseling for us. During our separation, I knew his long time friend's daughter had moved approx 4 hrs from our home, and that he had gone to see her and her children on occasion. He referred to her as his neice as he has known her since birth. She is 43 yrs old and he is 67 yrs old. I am 58. I also knew he had given her money on occasion to help her with her finances as she has a 19 yr old autistic son (he seems fine to me) and supposedly has MS. I was told that she was a waitress. He had even had this woman call me on occasion to try and persuade me to return to my BF, which I thought was way out of line and none of her business. After the first week of our reconciliation, I was informed, quite unexpectedly, that we were going to Wilmington to visit this woman. I was not gung ho about the idea, and had a really bad feeling about it. I went anyway. Once there, I learned that the woman earns her living as a phone sex operator. She insisted on calling a "family" meeting and proceeded to tell me that my BF and I would be moving to Wilmington as his house was in foreclosure and he wanted to relocate there. I got angry and said he could move, but I wasn't. My daughter and g-children are in Charlotte and I wanted to stay close to them. Also, I had no idea my BF's house was in foreclosure. After an angry outburst from me, she proceeded to tell me that I had "asked for and deserved" the injuries inflicted on me as the result of a domestic dispute with my BF. To make a long story short, I was told I was no longer welcome in her home, etc. Like I would want to go back!! The drive home was long. While there, I also noticed that the relationship between my BF and this woman was not one of a uncle and neice, but more of a sugar daddy and his girl. He would give her his debit card with carte blanche. He has always been stingy and tight with me. After getting back home, it all began to come out. He had been giving her so much money (approx $1000 to $1500 a month) that he could not pay his own bills. I was shocked. Then he began leaving me behind and going to visit her for days on end. Once he even lied and said his mother had a heart attack and he had to go to Ohio to see her, but I later found out he had been with this woman. It has escalated to the point that I feel like I am competing with this woman, and I don't like it. It has brought major stress and conflict into a relationship that was already troubled. She does not want to be his main squeeze, but acts as though she is. She calls him constantly and he comes alive. She sends provocative pics and texts him constantly. It's like the big seduction. He swears there is nothing going on and that she is "family" but I think he is deceiving himself. I don't know why he wanted me to return when all this is going on. I feel hoodwinked and suckered and it has put me in a really bad spot. Financially, I can't move right now, so I am stuck with him and all the tension this has created. If I get angry or protest, he threatens to have me evicted. It goes without saying that I am very sorry I got stupid self into this mess!

What a terrible position, and the man is clearly confused and unthoughtful towards you. Someone who treats you this way, and also threatening to have you evicted just for speaking up about your hurt & anger is not the actions of a man worthy of you.

What do YOU want to do? Do you want to get out? Is there any way that you can make this happen, even if it takes a few months? The reason why I ask is that perhaps you can shut your emotions down towards him so he can no longer get to you, and just keep teeth gritted until you can get out. In a kind of self-preservation way, if you know what I mean. This woman sounds like a conman, and I really do hope that he wakes up...

And please do not blame yourself. You were not to know - its the actions of someone else that has made this bad, not you. Please please be kind to you!

Hugs.

[hamster-bamster]

Agree with the above and wishing you strength and patience to get out of the bad situation you found yourself in through no fault of yours.

[Leed]

Oh brother~ This guy is a TOTAL jerk. And i'm with you -- he certainly has more than a "uncle/niece" relationship going on, and I wouldn't believe him if he said otherwise!!! It's just like a cheat -- once a cheater, always a cheater. Well, once a liar, always a liar and this guy is a consummate liar!! I'm sorry you met this guy and he sweet-talked you into being with him.

Is there ANYPLACE you can go? Do you have children that you can stay with until you get on your feet? Any friends? You said your daughter lives in Charlotte -- can't you stay with her for awhile? Gosh, I'd take my mom in if she were in trouble -- I'd find SOME place to put her. LOL She'd take MY bed, and I'd sleep on the couch!!! But I'd take her in, that's for sure. Ask your daughter -- you just CAN'T stay there any longer raintree -- he's violent, and you don't know when he's going to be violent again, or hit you! You have GOT to get out!! So ask your daughter -- please!!!

God bless you and PLEASE let us know what happens, ok? I'll be looking for an update, and i hope it says that you moved to Charlotte! Take care. Hugs, Lee