[she imp]

Toxic people

Right-newfound freedom and looking at a future of “exploration” has been fun fun fun.

Only problem I seem to be having now are the toxic people in my life. I have a group of friends that I run with, well family really, very close. We get on great but sometimes some of them attack me for NO reason whatsoever and a couple friends of friends are complete backstabbers.

I see them or hear about them and I want to puke…all over them.

I hope this doesn’t read like a whining thread...it certainly is not. I’m past the wishy washy on the topic. I am in F-off mode. Bums me out because I have been able to ignore them much of the time, but they keep pushing and I KNOW much of it is intentional. We all have bad days and make mistakes, but these people are complete assholes. I know I have the ability to twist people into seeing what slime they really are, but I rarely use it and I don’t want to. I hate that side of myself…a step beyond anger that I don’t like to take. The GOLDEN RULE, right?

I guess it’s really not about them anyway…it’s about my self respect.
One of them F-ed me over today in a pretty permanent way. More than once I’ve had precious things that are very close to my heart stolen that I can NEVER replace…no acknowledgement, no apology.

They really do sicken me and I have no intention of continuing contact with any of them, even if it means I lose some of the good ones-> been there before, for sure.

Any advice on how a nice person could handle this? Maybe how far I should go? Should I call up the demons?

Thanks

[she imp]

Hmmm...

Sounds like you really care for your close friends. Sorry to hear that you fear you may lose some good ones. Maybe it doesn't have to come to that...

Have you been very direct with them? Do they indeed recognize how hurt you are? Some people put on a good face no matter what. Are you like that?

I guess making sure they know you're hurt would be the first thing. If they are able to at the very least apologize, maybe you won't have to go to any extremes.

I do hope this helps.

[2_b_free]

unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere. It is better not to get emotional and show your feelings. But ell them in a very matter of fact way, that you won't take their crap/ stealing/ lying anymore. But you need your good friends to call them out on their behavior too. Let them know that people are noticing. Chances are they have treated others the same way.

I have a large group of friends and everyone gets along except for two. As the saying goes, give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. People in the group started calling them on their dishonesty and they went away.

Good luck and be brave.

[she imp]

Thanks. I think some of my good friends are noticing. I sure a F hope the dame things have not been done to any of them, cuz well then I have to pull out the demons.....

I have a strong tendency to defend those I care about

Thanks again

[she imp]

Originally Posted by she imp

Hmmm...

Sounds like you really care for your close friends. Sorry to hear that you fear you may lose some good ones. Maybe it doesn't have to come to that...

Have you been very direct with them? Do they indeed recognize how hurt you are? Some people put on a good face no matter what. Are you like that?

I guess making sure they know you're hurt would be the first thing. If they are able to at the very least apologize, maybe you won't have to go to any extremes.

I do hope this helps.

Yep, I've been direct....

I'll talk to my friends too. They are very supportive....

Thanks to both of you

[yellowted]

been there got the postcard and Tshirt, i dealt with it by talking individually to the good ones telling them my reasons for cutting contact with the bad ones and emphasising that i still wanted contact with them as an individual as long as anything i told them was not passed on to the bad ones and likewise anything they knew about the bad ones was not talked about to me. I also told the bad ones individually why i did not want contact with them anymore and stuck to my guns of putting down the phone when they called and did not reply or recipricate cards etc. it worked and many years on i still have contact with all the good ones and never hear anything about the others.

[she imp]

Thanks. I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Don't want to know if I should talk to the bad ones even to tell them I don't want anything to do with them.

They are pretty F-ing nasty sometimes.

So hate this. I do know what I have to do here, but I am so black and white it's always been get the F-out when I've had enough and it pretty much becomes permanent...

Today is not the day to do the talking directly, but I really do appreciate your sound advice...