most of the time i feel like i can't or shouldn't talk to my husband about how i feel. for the past few days i've been finding myself breaking down and crying - not even sure why - and i try to hide it from him but he still notices and sometimes he does something to try to cheer me up but most of the time he just says something kind of patronizing (i don't know if he means to or not) and then we might cuddle but mostly i just go off to my corner and he keeps doing what he's doing and it's like there's a wall between us.

i feel like i don't know how to talk to him anymore. or anyone, really. and it doesn't help that he's been sick lately so there's not much physical contact going on because he doesn't want to get me sick...then again, there hasn't been much physical contact between us for a really long time. i don't know how to act toward him anymore. i don't know what to do.

one more week til therapy starts. i just hope i can afford it this time.

[Big Mama]

I so fully understand. I have the same feeling you do. I want to let him in but I am not sure how to. I just want to be left alone then I want to be comforted by not by him. I don't know how to connumicate to him my needs and I am afraid to let him in.

My T and I have save been doing T together for 8 mo now. It is helping some. It;s tough but what has to be done to salvage things.

Please talk to a T and let them help you threw this. You both deserve it.

[adam_k]

I struggle with that a little. Being a husband I want her to think Im strong , confident and tough. I tend to bottle everything up and it feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. Im trying to correct this and making effort to open up. It's scary though. You feel completely vulnarable. It's taken me 8 years to talk about my depression with my wife. At first it was difficult, but I have an understanding wife who wants to support me. It's hard for me to be open but I feel better when I share what is bothering me. I think communication, compansion and trust are essential to being happy with someone else. I hope things get better for you. I think therapy will help you. t did for me. I felt less overwhelmed and more capable of tackling my problems.

[Leed]

Hi "Dream" ~ Dearheart, it sure sounds like the honeymoon is over. It is so common after a few years of marriage for couples to stop talking to one another. And it's so SAD. Why not get into marriage counseling? You REALLY won't regret it. In counseling the therapist tries to help EACH of you with any issues you may have. The therapist doesn't come down hard on one person in particular -- each person is treated equally. But if one person is being an absolute JERK, yes, the therapist WILL point that out. LOL But in your case it just sounds like you two need to learn how to communicate and be open and honest with each other. There's almost an "art" to that. And the therapist can show you how. There's also a way to fight FAIR too. So see if your husband is williing to go to therapy. I'll bet he will. He sounds like he's pretty reasonable from what you say. Give it a try. You'll be glad you did.

I wish you the very best. Keep us posted ok? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

this started not long after we had our first child, which was less than a year after we got married. i'd say the honeymoon has been over before we even got to go xD

we can barely afford me going to therapy, couple's therapy sounds like it's out of the question.

i think most of it is just me. we were great at communicating before we got married. but having kids made me a completely different person. i hate it.

[Big Mama]

When we do T, I go some, he goes seldom, and we go together mostly. It is the same price because it is still just an hour. Some times I need to vent and have issues that are affecting things between us so I go for a month or 4 times until I can get my stuff partially resolved, then we go back to us going. When the issues arise are more related to him he goes then we go back to us going together.

Good luck. It is a financial strain to add a child to the mix, it is an emotional strain because children need you attention all of the time, and sometimes that can cause a strain on your husband/wife relationship as well.

[Daisylady]

I have a similar problem, and mine also started when our child was born, 11 years ago. It's like nature sais, "OK, done that man, now lets get another and keep the gene pool varied!".

I went to the local free family center counsellor, for several weeks, and it helped me to gain the confidence to talk to my husband, because that's who I needed to talk to, not the counsellor. It also showed my husband that there really was something wrong, and this started us off on both trying to make it better.

We have had several difficult conversations since, and I didn't cry when we have talked lately. But like you I was really afraid to tell him how I felt about things I thought would hurt him. I'm taking things one step at a time. It does take trust and courage to share personal problems with someone close to us, because it makes us vulnerable, and I have feared ruining my marriage and regretting it. I guess I gained a feeling that whatever would happen was for the best, because honesty was the ticket out of my anxiety caused health problems. He has been more understanding since the counselling.

I was also depressed with postpartum for the first four years of our child's life. Yeah, it changed me too. I cried a lot, and I cried about crying. What helped was taking time to myself, and preschool starting!

So my advice is to take the risks necesary to make things better, gradually, one step at a time.