[Nobodyandnothing]

I guess this may not be considered a problem by all of you but...
I have treatment resistant MDD and have had it for at least 35 years. My husband and I have 5 children. My H and I are going on a trip. We leave Friday. We hardly talk to each other when we are together and when we do, we end up fighting. It is always my fault. H is always negative with my children and me. I know I am the cause of his negativity. He has borne the brunt of this illness for a very long time. I cannot remember if he knew about my depression before we got married (I have severe amnesia caused by numerous ect treatments). He even has to give my meds to me because the pdoc does not trust me. I have such a bad memory and impaired concentration that I cannot even remember what meds I take.

I am really afraid to be alone with H for 9 days. He isn't physically abusive, but we can't just communicate without fighting. At least at home, I have kids to distract me and I read and am on the Internet constantly. (When I read, I can read the same books over and over because as soon as I am finished I cannot remember the story.)

This trip sounded like a good idea but now I am dreading it. I am so lonely. I have seriously considered a separation but there is no way I can afford it and my children would not understand. My youngest child has depression because of me and I think he might do something awful if I left.

Sorry. I just needed to say all this. I will not have access to the Internet so I cannot read PC. Even though I do not contribute to PC, reading your posts makes me feel a little less alone.

How am I going to make it through 9 days?

[Travelinglady]

Have you talked to your husband about your concerns? Use "I" statements, maybe something like "I'm worried about how I will behave when we don't have the kids around. I don't want to focus my sights on you and cause problems. Yet, I really want to go on this vacation with you and for us to have an enjoyable time......."

In the meantime, could you talk to your therapist on the phone for a few minutes about it? Is that allowed?

Otherwise, perhaps you could agree to spend some time apart during the vacation? (I don't know the details about it.) And even agree if things start heating up, either of you can just call a "time out" without getting mad about that. Take some books along. Do you possiby have other hobbies you could take along, too?

I hope these ideas might get you thinking about possibilities, anyway. It CAN be done, but I do think a "plan" needs to be put into place.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Thank you for your suggestions. I will try to talk to H. I do not have a T. I have tried therapy several times. Pdoc suggested I wait until meds that can provide some relief kick in (whenever that may be).