[Alishia88]

I find it hard to make real friends. And I don´t mean people I generally like to hang out with and have coffee with but friends, that I can truely open up to and show all of me and be actually really and fully myself.
I guess it´s because I have so many vulnerable sides in me, or "triggers" that can give me intense anxiety. Or generally my mental health problems. It´s not so easy to tell this new people and I don´t want to.
Yet, those and my life´s problems are a part of me so I need to be able to express those too, to a real friend.
I have thought about joining self-help groups where genereally there are people with simulare difficulties that it´s easier to open up.

Then again, I believe you can learn best from people that don´t necessary have the same problems you do and can give you different perspectives.

Also, you don´t always want to talk about your problems. Sometimes you just want to have a fun time with your friends...

What do you think?

[watevs]

just try probably when you join a self help group you'll find what you're looking for.

[asp1079]

These thoughts are held by many people I'm sure, including myself.

I like to have easy going relationships too, yet there is a side of me that wants to find someone more profound and sensitive like myself to talk to about more serious topics without them being afraid. Not extremely deep things, but stuff like being depressed now and again or having anxiety.

I think you'd be surprised how many casual friendships can easily become much depeer if you two click soon. For example, I made a casual friend who I got along with right away a few months ago. We haven't spent too much time together from various reasons, and yet we both feel comfortable admitting to one another about having anxiety. So we did have an instant connection, and didn't even need a lot of time to share that between us. So sometimes, you might find good relationships like that where it just feels 'safe' to share. Other times, you have to test the waters, feel it out, and see what kind of person they are before revealing too many heavier things. It's all relative.

Self-help group is a good idea. You could try that once in a while. But, at the same time, I'd maybe avoid getting too-too close to anyone there, especially if you find that people you chat with have even heavier issues than you, obviously. I'm not being cold, just suggesting this because I've had a similar situation crop up for me. Did a self-help group thing and connected with a girl with very similar but later I found out even worse problems like mine. She eventually became too attached to me, and we had an unstable relationship. So going to a group like this can't get too deep. Unless you find that both of you have different issues, and can function in a normal relationship without becoming too involved in just your issues bringing you together - which was somewhat like what happened to me and my group friend.

[Alishia88]

it was exactly what I was afraid of, asp, with people from the group.
It doesn´t sound cold to me. You just don´t want to get eachother deeper into the issues. It´s good to keep that in mind.
Also, a good idea to keep in mind that when you "click" you do and if you don´t you don´t. That´s because I think I find myself sometimes trying to hard or trying to "control" getting along better with people, whereas with some people it comes natural. I guess it´s better to trust your feelings there and listen when something´s telling you, that you´re not really getting the person or just not feeling comfortable with them. Or you just don´t have "chemistry".