[watevs]

when i was like 12 years old i decided never to be in a relationship and never to fall in love. and i managed to do that for years. but a year ago i met a guy and we became best friends but then he told me that he liked me and he wants to be my boyfriend, i asked him to remain just friends because i didn't want to lose him, i don't know if i have feelings for him, i don't know how to recognize it but i miss him when we spend few days without seeing each other and i get jealous when he talks to other girls but when he flirts with me i feel so awkward.
the problem is that there is an other guy, we are close friends and we hang out a lot together and i find myself thinking about him a lot. but then i remember the promise i made and i try to forget. i feel pity for my best friend and i want to be with my other friend. help me choose!

So I have to ask, why did you decide never to fall in love or be in a relationship?

And as for your dilemma, I think its probably best not to date either man until you are sure of what you want. It would be unfair on all of you if you're not sure and may risk ruining some good friendships. Why not keep being friends with them both until you're clearer?

Good luck

[hamster-bamster]

It is bizarre to stick to promises you made at twelve. At three I wanted to be a taxi driver. Should I become a taxi driver now because of that???

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by watevs

when i was like 12 years old i decided never to be in a relationship and never to fall in love. and i managed to do that for years. but a year ago i met a guy and we became best friends but then he told me that he liked me and he wants to be my boyfriend, i asked him to remain just friends because i didn't want to lose him, i don't know if i have feelings for him, i don't know how to recognize it but i miss him when we spend few days without seeing each other and i get jealous when he talks to other girls but when he flirts with me i feel so awkward.
the problem is that there is an other guy, we are close friends and we hang out a lot together and i find myself thinking about him a lot. but then i remember the promise i made and i try to forget. i feel pity for my best friend and i want to be with my other friend. help me choose!

Reread the sentence about pity and see for yourself that YOU already made your choice, in plain English.

[watevs]

my decision was based on some childhood memories, and i still believe that the love people are talking about is just made up like fairy tails. what i know is that i find these stuff intimidating. the question is: is it worth it?

Originally Posted by watevs

my decision was based on some childhood memories, and i still believe that the love people are talking about is just made up like fairy tails. what i know is that i find these stuff intimidating. the question is: is it worth it?

My experience of love is in two stages. The buzz at the beginning where you feel on cloud 9.. and then when that wears off, I think real love takes place. The love that means you're supportive, forgiving and are able to compromise - oh and talk talk talk! It's hard work, and will always be, but with the right person it can be very rewarding.
One thing I do say tho, is the relationship I have now was with a dear friend, and we were friends for a couple of years before we hooked up. Totally different to my other relationships as we already liked each other as people and knew of our faults. Its made it a lot stronger. Perhaps you, if you're brave enough, will have a good relationship because you're already friends first? I do think its a shame if you never let yourself love, even once. It can be amazing! As with all things good in life, it can be a risk. But as Tennyson once wrote: "'Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all".

[High Treason]

Originally Posted by watevs

i still believe that the love people are talking about is just made up like fairy tails.

This is completely true. However, believe it or not, that's not a reason to avoid relationships. "Love" is one of the most used words in the English language, and yet it has no meaning. Everybody who says it means something different by it, and even the same people mean something different by it in different situations. Since you're aware of the myth of "love," you're already a step closer to happiness than most people who keep chasing something that doesn't exist.

So just find a relationship that makes you happy more often than it makes you unhappy, and then whatever it is you feel in that relationship, call that feeling "love." That's all anybody else does whether or not they want to admit it.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by watevs

and i still believe

What does a 12 year old know about life and relationships! I found Love at 34/35. I was late because I had little experience/practice with relationships and it took me that long to get to where I was mature enough to make it all work as it is probably supposed to.

Choices are just that, choices. You don't lose anything with choices, you move along in your life the direction you choose. You can't have everything like you think you can when you're 12, you can't control what happens, how you'll feel.

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by watevs

my decision was based on some childhood memories, and i still believe that the love people are talking about is just made up like fairy tails. what i know is that i find these stuff intimidating. the question is: is it worth it?

Why should you choose? Has either boy pressured you to? Why do you need to be exclusive? Can't you just have a good time with both of them for now? Why get so serious with one boy? Do these guys see other girls? Don't be surprised if they do. I thought dating is when you go out with whomever you want to, whenever you want to? I think in time, after seeing both for a while, you won't have to ask which one you like better.

You also ask is it worth it? I'd have to say YES! YES! YES! Love is an amazing feeling. It is like Riotgrrrl says, "in the beginning you're on cloud 9". I always say it is a "high" like no other (even though the only other high I know is from drinking ). When a boy tells you how much he cares for you, and thinks of you, and wants to be with you, it is a wonderful feeling. It is worth it, even if you're heart gets broken later. That is why the lovelorn seek out love again. Once you have had love, you miss it in your life and want to find it again with someone else. Sometimes the love lasts forever, not the high, just the love. I think that is what many of us are looking for, the kind that lasts forever. That is what the movies and fairy tales, tell us. More often than not, the love does not last. If you have the chance to feel love, even for a little while, I'd say to go for it.

[pogar246]

Maybe Iam not the best person to give any type of advice because Iam probably a co-dependent, bipolar in love with another bi-polar. However I believe you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You are completely worthy of giving yourself love, and receiving love from another individual. Have fun!

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Reread the sentence about pity and see for yourself that YOU already made your choice, in plain English.

Good point. i agree it sounds like she's already made a decision.