[Caelumdraig]

So I e recently come to find out that my girlfriend of 6 years has cheated on me with a guy who frequents her work. She confessed only after I found txt messages from his stating some inappropriate things. I have forgiven her, but my trust is shaken. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to be together, but she didn't want to break off the friendship with him. He is much older than her and its obvious that he's using her. I told her she needs to cut all toes but she is finding it so hard. It's becoming emotionally taxing and nerve wracking, because she just can't seem to give up their friendship. I finally gave her the ultimatum it's him or me, she chose to stop talking to him, but now she just seems angry at me and is sad all the time. I'm just sure what too feel because I love her so much and I can't be positive she loves me and not him. I don't know what to do anymore and I feel myself being crushed under uncertainty.

[maggy.ng]

Hi Cae,

I know your feelings because I am experiencing the same one. But the cheater is my boyfriends.

1. I think you should find out clearly why your girlfriend does such a bad thing.
2. If it is plausible and trustable reason, you should give her one more chance.
If not, moving on is the best solution.

I hope you will get over the hard time (like I am doing)

[Leed]

I can't say that I blame you. Since she put up such a fuss about not talking to him anymore, I'd be unsure of her too. I'm not sure giving her an ultimatum was a good idea, but i don't know what else you could have done. Letting her continue to have this "friendship" wasn't a good idea either. But ultimatums are never really good ideas. I guess sometimes there's no other way to handle things.

I would think that she would value your relationship more so that she would have offered to stay away from him before you had to give her an ultimatum, but I guess that's not so. Perhaps you two would benefit from couples counseling. What do you think? It certainly couldn't hurt. Perhaps you two aren't really communicating, and that's what she's missing. Maybe she and the other guy can communicate better than you and she can -- and that's what she's looking for. There's kind of an "art" to communicating, and being open and honest with one another. if you're willing to go to counseling and she is too, the therapy can help you learn to be open with each other, and even learn how to fight fair! LOL See if she's willing to go. If she's NOT, then you'll know she's not willing to save this relationship like you are.

I wish you the very best. Please keep us informed, ok? God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[RomanSunburn]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be completely devastating.

I have a couple questions, though. First, how old are each of you? And where do you see this relationship going? Have you two had a recent discussion about your futures? Do you have plans to get married? If so, what's holding you back now? If you don't have plans to get married, is that because neither of you actually want to get married (which is fine), or is it just that you haven't actually talked about marriage?

The reason I'm asking these questions is because i"m trying to get inside her head a little. Six years is a long time (I was with my husband about 6 years before we got married), and I"m just sort of wondering... Is she getting bored? Restless? Is it that she's worried your relationship isn't going anywhere? Was she crying out for attention, to feel like you REALLY love her, and aren't just used to her and comfortable with her? Something must have happened that pushed her over the edge. I'm not trying to put the blame on you at all, not in any way. I'm also not trying to justify her actions. She made the decision to stray and that was wrong. But I think you two need to have a serious discussion about what you both want out of the future, because if it's not the same thing, you won't be able to move past this. Try to have the conversation in a calm manner, so neither one of you ends up on the defense, because that just halt all productive communication from happening.

Good luck

[Betrayed1]

It's so hurtful to find out that our significant other has cheated. I can relate...my husband cheated a bunch of times...I haven't caught him doing it physically, but I have caught him doing it emotionally; and to me, whether it's physical or emotional...they're pretty much the same thing. The fact that your gf is acting resentful towards you because of your ultimatum and having to cut ties with her "friend" is something you should be concerned about. It seems like she has feelings for him still...and she IS emotionally attached to him, HENCE, the reason why she is acting that way. This is a guy she cheated with for God's sakes...she should stay away from him if she wants to keep you around...and if she indeed really loves you with all her heart and being, then, she should let him go completely and that means -- no contact with him whatsoever. So, she needs to be honest with herself -- and with you...if she wants this guy in her life -- then she needs to let you go...and you should definitely not stick around.

[adam_k]

I went thru something similar. A couple years ago I caught my wife having phone sex with a guy she met on the internet. It is very soul shattering to hear voicemails from another guy saying he loves your wife. I was furious but eventually we talked. I lost my job and was going thru a bout of depression. Our sex life was suffering and she wanted intemecy. That is why she did it. We eventually worked things out but I still have a hard time trusting she is faithful. If it happened again I would most likely leave her. She never talked to the guy again and things seem to be more good than bad now.

[joe456]

Originally Posted by Caelumdraig

So I e recently come to find out that my girlfriend of 6 years has cheated on me with a guy who frequents her work. She confessed only after I found txt messages from his stating some inappropriate things. I have forgiven her, but my trust is shaken. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to be together, but she didn't want to break off the friendship with him. He is much older than her and its obvious that he's using her. I told her she needs to cut all toes but she is finding it so hard. It's becoming emotionally taxing and nerve wracking, because she just can't seem to give up their friendship. I finally gave her the ultimatum it's him or me, she chose to stop talking to him, but now she just seems angry at me and is sad all the time. I'm just sure what too feel because I love her so much and I can't be positive she loves me and not him. I don't know what to do anymore and I feel myself being crushed under uncertainty.

In the end man, she only has to cheat once to prove herself wrong. U better than that. Get a new girl who will apprecaite you.

[Betrayed1]

Originally Posted by adam_k

I went thru something similar. A couple years ago I caught my wife having phone sex with a guy she met on the internet. It is very soul shattering to hear voicemails from another guy saying he loves your wife. I was furious but eventually we talked. I lost my job and was going thru a bout of depression. Our sex life was suffering and she wanted intemecy. That is why she did it. We eventually worked things out but I still have a hard time trusting she is faithful. If it happened again I would most likely leave her. She never talked to the guy again and things seem to be more good than bad now.

I can truly relate with you, because I've been having a hard time trusting my husband too. Every other day I feel sad...and I don't feel like being intimate with him. I keep asking myself ...what if I didn't find the messages between him and his co-worker? Then what? He would have taken it further? Because he definitely didn't have any plans of telling me that he had lunch with her. He hid it from me just like your wife did with the guy she met. It just blows my mind away. I hope that things will continue to get better for you. I guess we just take it one day at at a time. I told my husband if I he does any bs like this again -- I'm done.