[PsychCEO]

Heres the deal.

My gf and I are deep in love for 4 years+ but things are about to end. We been keeping it secret from her parents for several reasons, mainly my gf not wanting to tell mom that will never accept me. She will always hate me no matter what. Her husband just left her. My gf just let slip that we are still talking. She did not let slip that we live together in her condo. She wants me to move out because she don't wanna lie anymore. I want her happy. Parental divorce + this is too much stress for my preciouse flower and I need to save the day. Please help, thank you.

P.s. haven't proposed because she said she would eventually tell fam, and I'm wanting to ask parental permission before I marry their daughhter cause it seems right

[Travelinglady]

It is hard when a parent doesn't approve of a girlfriend/spouse. My mother was very critical of my boyfriend, but he asked for my hand, and he was given permission. She is a bit more civil toward him after 24 years.

Of course, asking for a daughter's hand is a quaint behavior, but it is a nice thing to do. But if you expect things not to go well, then you can forgo this action.

I assume both you and your girlfriend are 21 or over. (I don't think marriages made too young are wise.) If so, then you don't have to have any approval. My mom and my dad even eloped!

The thing is, my therapist told me my mother would not approve of anyone I married! It's sad when parents are that way.

I agree it's a tough time for your gf's mom. However, when the time is right, then you can chose to marry. If your gf decides not to marry
you because of her parent's disapproval, then consider it for the best. It would be her choice.

[maggy.ng]

PsychCEO,

I'm from Asian rooted family. I have the same issue as your gf's one. The main reason starts from me. My mother does not want me to date and move in with my bf now. 'cause he is an original white person. She considers that Eastern rules never accept ladies to have sex until marriage, cultural and lifestyle boundaries, age gap ( he is older than me 20 years old), etc.

I broke the rules.

My parents quarrel all the time, they nearly decided to divorce once, then came back and live together. Just only reason that my mom didn't want us to get hurt and live in a fatherless home.

My situation is nearly the same as your gf's. I think 4 years is such a long time for you and your gf to buld a stable and firm relationship. This is the suitable time to say to her mom. If I were in her shoes, I would reveal everything to her. I know it's hard for her 'cause I anticipate the consequence how resent she will be. But I'd rather choose to face to the truth (cause I love him) than tell a big lie all the time, which makes me tired, scared, etc. If she does love you, she will know how to deal with this issue in harmony.

My bf and me do not live together, I live with my family. But everday I go to his apartment and try to spend most of our possible time together. To some extent, I think that's okay.

I understand you love her, you want her to be happy. You think you should wait till your gf is ready. And find out why her mom does not accept you. When you know the exact reason, you will know how to do it.

Hugs to you. I wish you both will happy together.

[joe456]

Originally Posted by PsychCEO

Heres the deal.

My gf and I are deep in love for 4 years+ but things are about to end. We been keeping it secret from her parents for several reasons, mainly my gf not wanting to tell mom that will never accept me. She will always hate me no matter what. Her husband just left her. My gf just let slip that we are still talking. She did not let slip that we live together in her condo. She wants me to move out because she don't wanna lie anymore. I want her happy. Parental divorce + this is too much stress for my preciouse flower and I need to save the day. Please help, thank you.

P.s. haven't proposed because she said she would eventually tell fam, and I'm wanting to ask parental permission before I marry their daughhter cause it seems right

Sounds like a classic case of narcissism. I hope you and you're girl get hitched and live happy. She needs to move away from her mother and not contact her for a couple of years.