[yeliab12]

Hi I'm Bailey.

I've been in a relationship for 1 1/2 - 2 years. Right now we're struggling because of me. I like to be in control, I have trust issues, and a low confidence.

I know where all this comes from. I know what triggers my emotions and when I become irrational. I understand that all this is from my past and my boyfriend has nothing to do with it, but I cannot seem to stop the irrational thoughts. They slip out of my mouth sometimes. I want to express myself, but I know nothing good comes out of it because it's only me. I need to learn to trust and love myself.

We're to the point where he just glares at me when I say something negative. Sometimes even positive. I almost feel like we're on our last leg.

So here I am, at his place. Same room. No talking. I'm on this forum, he's on his computer.

When I leave tonight I want him give him some room and let him come to me when he's ready. I need to focus on myself and I want him to want me.

I need some feed back and advice please.
Thank you.

[Leed]

Have you ever been in therapy? Can you go to therapy? It would certainly be a good idea if you can swing it. If you're on Medicaid, they WILL pay for it. Ask your doctor to refer you to a good therapist -- it will help, believe me.

If you can't go to therapy, can the two of you go for couples counseling? I don't really know if that would help, since most of the issues are yours, supposedly.

I wish I knew what else to tell you. You really need someone to talk to -- a professional who knows how to deal with these things. Someone who can give you the tools to use to stop these things.

God bless, my friend and I hope things work out for the two of you. Perhaps others will have better advice for you. Take care. Hugs, Lee

[RomanSunburn]

I agree with Lee. I think you should look into therapy for yourself. You need help learning how to deal with and change the negative thoughts. But, until you get into therapy, I would definitely recommend journaling. Put everything down on paper, get it out there, express it, but there's no need aim it at your boyfriend. The next day, you can go back and reread what your wrote, and point out the irrational fears/thoughts and negativity. Then rewrite these statements in a positive way... For instance:

"I think my boyfriend is going to cheat on me"

Changed to

"The idea of my boyfriend cheating on me is an irrational fear. He has never been untruthful to me, or give me any reason not to trust him. He loves me."

It's going to take time and a lot of practice. You might not believe what you're writing at first, but keep working at it. You have to retrain your brain away from the negative thoughts into positive ones.

Good luck! Keep us updated!

[Bill3]

When I leave tonight I want him give him some room and let him come to me when he's ready. I need to focus on myself and I want him to want me.

Okay, this sounds like a reasonable plan.

When you say that you want him to want you, do you mean that right now he doesn't seem to want you? And that is because of the trust issues you explained on the other thread?

[dailyhealing]

I agree with the above posts. It's a really good thing that you realize that it is your issue and that despite your awareness you cannot control it. I think you have to work those parts of yourself out for you, or else this will continue to happen. Therapy is the best place to do that in my opinion. I hope you are able to get some help with that, and that you keep posting here to let us know how you are doing.

Thanks for posting!

[Chlo]

I understand how your feeling it happens with me and my partner all the time, but its not even his fault its my own issues, but i can't help but be an awful person, we've been together nearly 5 years and we're engaged, so trust me he/she will understand if they want to be there for you.. hope your ok xxx

[chalicat]

If you've already recognized the problem within yourself, seems like you're one step ahead already. If one or both of you were in denial, it'd be a different story, but i agree with the others, I think some therapy may be beneficial to both of you. Good luck!

[yeliab12]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Okay, this sounds like a reasonable plan.

When you say that you want him to want you, do you mean that right now he doesn't seem to want you? And that is because of the trust issues you explained on the other thread?

Yeah, it comes off that he doesn't want me, or he's not attracted to me like he used to be.

I thought of a good way for us to talk about strengthening/improving our relationship. I told him to write down what we could work on, what he wants/needs, what he likes and appreciates, etc. I would do the same for him.

We briefly went over it yesterday, but we couldn't really get too in depth because of time. We're going to finish it up this weekend and I'll let you all know how it went [:

[Bill3]

I thought of a good way for us to talk about strengthening/improving our relationship. I told him to write down what we could work on, what he wants/needs, what he likes and appreciates, etc. I would do the same for him.

You have good ideas. I wish you good results!