[afterrain]

My ex boyfriend is mad at me. He said that I lied about something. I thought I told him the truth but I don't remember. About two now we are still not talking. (I would ask him things and get short answers from him.) I have ask for his forgiveness more than once. How do I get him to forgive and get things back the way it was?

PS. The lie was about my past.

[Leed]

Personally, I don't see what your past should have to do with the present. If you're going with a guy, what difference does your past have to do with what's going on now??? Why does he even have to KNOW about your past as long as you're truthful with him NOW?

He's being unreasonable. He didn't have have to know about your past! If you told him something and perhaps "missed" something, so what? Actually it's none of his business in the first place, as long as you were honest with him while you were with him.

He owe YOU an apology in MY book. YOu don't. That's how I see it. God bless. I'm sorry you're going thru this. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[tinyrabbit]

Why do you need his forgiveness?

[Scotty204]

Not sure what your ex BF is upset about. Keep in mind some people really don't like lies no matter how small. It really is a case by case basis. Example would be. " How many relationships have you had before me?" Answer: approx 5. Your ex BF then finds out it was more like 25 then that could be an issue for him.

[LovelaceF]

If there is broken trust in your relationship, it can take time to heal. Things like taking responsibility for your actions, demonstrating remorse, and trying to make amends can help. I wish you the best.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by afterrain

My ex boyfriend is mad at me. He said that I lied about something. I thought I told him the truth but I don't remember. About two now we are still not talking. (I would ask him things and get short answers from him.) I have ask for his forgiveness more than once. How do I get him to forgive and get things back the way it was?

PS. The lie was about my past.

I wholeheartedly agree with what Lee said earlier, and would like to suggest to you that you analyze your behavior to see if there is a pattern of your assuming responsibility for something you are not responsible for. It this was an isolated incident, you can let it slide, but if there is a pattern, you need to address the underlying issues.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Scotty204

Not sure what your ex BF is upset about. Keep in mind some people really don't like lies no matter how small. It really is a case by case basis. Example would be. " How many relationships have you had before me?" Answer: approx 5. Your ex BF then finds out it was more like 25 then that could be an issue for him.

I have read it as "resume advice" on one of the job seekers sites: chop down your resume by removing the earliest positions. This creates an appearance of a younger applicant.

If this is OK to do in job search these days, I do not see why it is not kosher in dating. Actually, this sort of inquiry into the past on the part of a prospective employer seems more warranted than unnecessary curiosity on the part of a boyfriend. And not just benign curiosity, but, per OP, sense of entitlement to being free to interrogate your partner...

[afterrain]

He said that I lied about "being with someone". He was being really mean about it. He is a friend and I don't want my friend to be mad at me.

[aao75891]

Originally Posted by afterrain

He said that I lied about "being with someone". He was being really mean about it. He is a friend and I don't want my friend to be mad at me.

I have had the same issue over the past year and a half. He claimed to have forgiven me after a lot of back and forth on his part. My lie was concerning texts sent to another friend of mine. He confronted me about them because he believed i was flirting and making suggestive remarks. I, on the other hand, was truly not doing anything like that purposefully. I was commenting/bantering in the heat of the moment and he saw it as something else. Because I didn't fully explain the conversation, he looked through my phone and things got worse and worse. I changed my phone number and promised myself and him that I would always be honest and open even if I think the subject doesn't matter. I've never been one to be very open, so on the plus side, this helped me grow as a person.
Over the next year and a half, he has struggled with fully trusting me. It isn't an easy process and may never be fixed. I used to believe that time, communication, and faith would heal him, but that hasn't been the case. He still gets unexplainable sinking feelings every once in a while and it is tearing us both apart. From what he says, nothing triggers it. I think the trigger is poor communication and lack of closeness, but I can never know. He won't even listen to what I have to say. As of yesterday, he wants nothing to do with me even as a friendship. I feel that will only create more distance and increase his suspicions considering we do still see each other, have many mutual acquaintances, and work at the same place. We can get along but the intimate relationship we had before is basically non-existant since he can't bring himself to fully trust again. It is definitely painful.

I don't know if this will help you, but they seem to be similar cases. I just wanted to point out that it could take a very long time and will likely result in a lot of heartache, sadness, and sick feelings. I hope that your situation improves. I know the situation probably feels like it is consuming most of your life. I hope that this forum can help you. Have faith and be patient. That's all you can really do. He will have to choose to forgive and trust on his own.

[aao75891]

Originally Posted by Leed

Personally, I don't see what your past should have to do with the present. If you're going with a guy, what difference does your past have to do with what's going on now??? Why does he even have to KNOW about your past as long as you're truthful with him NOW?

He's being unreasonable. He didn't have have to know about your past! If you told him something and perhaps "missed" something, so what? Actually it's none of his business in the first place, as long as you were honest with him while you were with him.

He owe YOU an apology in MY book. YOu don't. That's how I see it. God bless. I'm sorry you're going thru this. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

I agree with this. Unfortunately, not everyone does. The hard part is figuring out who will end up compromising. Even then, I feel like it is a lose lose situation. For some reason, certain people want a detailed account of your past and you end up getting blamed for either a) omitting on purpose... which isn't normally true. We tend to forget things we see as insignificant. or b) being judged for our past actions whether or not they are a current part of our lives. Going over your past is a sticky situation. I personally don't care to hear about your past. I'd rather experience a person for who they are today rather than hear stories from their past that don't necessarily affect the present. Past relationships are one of those things. It isn't fair to quiz someone on their past. They may or may not recall everything or agree that everything is significant.

[hamster-bamster]

In data security, access to sensitive data is given on what is called a "need to know basis".

The same principle should apply here.

[tokotoko]

Hey dear, I have gone through the exact same issue with my current boyfriend and he also had made a big deal out of it. We didn't speak properly for quite sometime and although howmuch ever I explained to him that I truly only belong to him and love him from my heart, he kept saying that my past somehow hurts him, I apologized to him several times for this because I love him so much and I don't want any problems between us. and also because I thought argument will do no good but remember here that he is supposed to understand you and your past shouldn't make things bad in your present. He must be in a hard place I understand picturing your past maybe but if he is true to you he will regard your love greater than everything else.
Hope everything turns out well
God bless.