[Lynneledgewood]

Okay a breif background. I have been with my fiance since beginning of 2012. I am divorced with two children 11 and 9. At first everything was really good between me and partner, but lately he has become crazy.

He hates my ex-husband, okay my ex-husband is extremely childish, but he is generally speaking a nice guy who loves his kids and wants to be part of their lives (yeah!). His kids love him too and that is all good. My new partner seems to be upset that my kids love their father more than him. Anyway he wants me to move away from their father. I said no because the kids need their father in their life and they love him and he loves them. I have no right to move them away from their father.

He flipped out and started screaming at me that their father is evil incarnate (totally not true). That his influence on the kids will cause them to wind up in prison or dead or worse. So anyway, I just decided I have had enough. He has called me names lately, called my kids brats. Okay yes my kids can be brats, but I don't let them run crazy or act disrespectful to people. But for the most part they are good kids. Like everyone they have their momemts. He seems to think they should never misbehave. So I decided for my sake and theirs to end it.

I told him so and he started threatening me. I will turn off your phone (we have a cell phone account together and that is the only phone I have). I made the mistake of letting him know my passwords and stuff. I really didn't know he was like this. He also threatened to have the kids taken away from me, by telling my ex a whole bunch of lies about me. So after that threat I answered the phone.

I think he is totally crazy. I am not sure exactly what I should do other than move my phone to my own account, which of course I was going to do anyway. I don't know what if anything to tell my ex. I don't want him to have to be involved in this, which is my mess, but it affects his kids.

Okay I swear he wasn't like this for the first 8 months he was charming and sweet and never got mad. It's like Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I absolutely hate conflict and usually won't stand up for myself. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. I will stand up for my kids though, weird that.

Thanks,
Lynne

[NoCake]

It's time to get you and the kids away from this guy. He's behaving more like a tyrant than a husband or father.

My first thought is that you should definitely contact your ex to let him know the potential for lies coming his way. I'm not certain what your relationship is with him at the moment, but these are your kids that we're talking about here. Regardless, he doesn't have to be "involved" per se...but forewarned is forearmed and who knows? He might be able to offer you some suggestions or even support - exes are funny that way.

As for the phone, I'd contact the provider immediately and look at your options for getting the phone transferred into your own account. If you decide with your fiance that you're willing to work things out and things get better, it's still fine for you to have your own phone account.

In regards to your fiance...have you asked him about his changes? I know it's hard to deal with conflict - it takes me hours, if not days, of thinking about what I want to say before I have the courage to say it. But perhaps if you talk to him about the change in personality and behaviour, something positive might come of that. I think I read on your other thread that he is far away at the moment taking care of his parents - perhaps something is happening in that regard and he doesn't know how to handle things...hence the change. I'm in no way suggesting that his actions and attitude towards you are correct, but it might offer some insight as to the complete flip. Feel free to message if you need...

[doodlefrog]

((Lynne)) I am so sorry you are going through this. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

I would suggest you get your own phone with a different number and do not give it to him. Change your passwords. As far as your exH, I would at least let him know what has been going on since this is affecting the kids. Let him know of the threat this guy made.

It sounds to me like this guy is very controlling. As long as he thought he was in control, he was as nice as can be. But once you disagreed with him, or whatever it may have been that questioned his control, he flipped out. Does he stalk you? If he does, start documenting everything. Save texts, document phone calls, etc. I know it can be a pain, but the documentation may help if you need to get law enforcement involved. Your safety and the safety of your kids is of utmost importance.

I don't think it's weird that you have a hard time standing up for yourself, but you will for your kids. I am the same way. Will take a lot of crap from my H (and others) directed towards myself, but have no problem being the protective "mama lion" for her cubs.

Take care and keep yourself and your kids safe.

[hamster-bamster]

I agree about warning your ex H in very general terms. You need to practice preemption in this case.

Go to a retail outlet of the cell phone provider company and remove yourself from the joint account and get your own phone number. You need to sign papers, which is why I suggest you go to a retail shop.

And in your future relationships, keep your own phone line until you get very deeply involved together - it does not cost THAT much money to have a separate account and the premium it costs is well justified by having your privacy and control.

Likewise, do not share your passwords.

[RiotOfWords]

I've found that... that happens... A LOT. I think guys (and girls I would assume) sometimes say what they think you WANT to hear.. trying to be exactly what they think you'll want instead of just.. themselves. I have the same problem.. because I go into it saying. "Hi, my name's Kris, I am not ever really affectionate, I hate when someone hangs on me, I change my mind a lot, if you back me into a corner I will rip you into pieces and I will never be this perfect lovey dovey girlfriend.. also, my temper is well, somewhat short.." then you get the stuff like.. ' I never get jealous... i'm so laid back... blah blah blah'.... yeahhh.. I'm waiting for the guy that blurts out his own insecurities and flaws, that's what I want.

[hamster-bamster]

Well, the core of your life is in good shape - you have great kids and a great co-parenting partner. And you have not yet invested that much time in the crazy fiancé. So all in all, once you get out of this situation, you should not have too many losses to count.

[Lynneledgewood]

Originally Posted by RiotOfWords

I've found that... that happens... A LOT. I think guys (and girls I would assume) sometimes say what they think you WANT to hear.. trying to be exactly what they think you'll want instead of just.. themselves. I have the same problem.. because I go into it saying. "Hi, my name's Kris, I am not ever really affectionate, I hate when someone hangs on me, I change my mind a lot, if you back me into a corner I will rip you into pieces and I will never be this perfect lovey dovey girlfriend.. also, my temper is well, somewhat short.." then you get the stuff like.. ' I never get jealous... i'm so laid back... blah blah blah'.... yeahhh.. I'm waiting for the guy that blurts out his own insecurities and flaws, that's what I want.

Funny that I am not lovey dovey either. I too hate it when someone hangs on me. I love my alone time. I am not overly affectionate. However, I avoid conflict at all costs so I don't have the back me into a corner thing. I am very laid back though. So I agree I wish someone would just state their flaws up front. I have never met anyone that is as angry as him though. He can rant about the same thing for days on end. I just don't get it

I too am so sorry you are going through this. Thankfully, you and the kids are safe and you have a good relationship with your ex.

Best wishes to you.