Family of Cleanup Batters

I'm part of a quite competitive family with many type A personalities. Being about the only type B in the family, I generally just putter around doing things for my own bemusement. Sounds like fun, huh? Well, not so fast. The catch is that while I'm doing my own thing for shits and kicks, my family is jealously monitoring anything I do to make sure that I never wind up doing anything that they can't do better. In my youth, I did "activity A" because it was kind of unique and fun and gave me a sense of identity because there's not many people around here who do this activity. X number of years later, most of my family does activity A and several of them have gone to great lengths to display their superiority at activity A. They'll do activity A when I'm present, but behave as though since I'm much inferior at it, there's no reason to include me in the proceedings.

There's another "activity B" that I did in my youth, and I started doing it again recently after many years of dormancy for a variety of reasons such as finances. I thought I could enjoy the rest of my years in peace and quiet doing activity B. When they caught wind of my renewal of activity B, suddenly they're talking about activity B like they're vets at it, and they're steering their children into activity B, so they can talk about how they're children are such geniuses at activity B.

There's more activities I could list but won't go into detail. It doesn't stop at activities though. I once showed my detailed personality profile to a family member, and they asked if they could borrow it for reading at their leisure. Since then, they quickly transformed into the same personality type except that they're still type A. Every conversation I've had with them since that day, they'll steer discussion toward topics that fit my personality and views, although they'll state these views much better than I ever could since they hold these views so passionately and with such originality.

Day to day, this isn't really an issue, since I've managed to live a distance from them. However, family get-togethers can be rather unpleasant and occur with more frequency than desired. They always have very outspoken, type A conversations regarding activities and views that originated with me, while I just vapidly stare in the background like a deaf mute. In sum, I'm just a leadoff batter awash in a sea of cleanup batters who want to show me how to really swing for the deep seats.

Since these family get-togethers are pretty unpleasant, why do you go to them? Are they required? Why put yourself thru that kind of misery? I know parents sometime expect you to come to these things, but you're grown up - you can decide whether or not you want to go. And if these things are that unpleasant, I surely wouldn't go, only to be put-down all the time.

Some families can be toxic and we have to put some distance between us and them. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just something we have to do for our own sanity and mental health! I think I'd send my "best wishes" but tell them I just can't make it the next time.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself & God bless. Hugs, Lee

That's a good thought, but they're the only family I have and I wouldn't skip something like a wedding. I can survive a few days a year of staring at my shoelaces while watching their slideshows. It's actually more of an existential crisis. Why do I exist? Why am I here? I'm like a mouse in a maze, and every time I make a move in a new direction, a hand from above comes down to cut off the path with a sharp blade.

Koko, I used to have a friend who was exactly like your family. At first it was flattering to have her "copy" me but it soon became very tiring. I felt like I was responsible for 2 people and my ego was just not strong enough. There were times I even frankly told her that I did not want to be friends with her anymore and she just didn't get it.

I'm sorry to have to tell you that the only way to deal with this type of situation is to remove yourself. I know it is hard with family but for your own sanity you have to minimize the amount of time you spend with them. And, don't tell them anything about what you are doing or thinking. Good luck.

No, I leave that to my mother. She likes to gab about what everyone is up to, so they all know everything I do in detail.

We are family! I got all my sisters with me!

When they start talking about activities you did. Tell them I am so glad I turned you on to this activity and you are enjoying it, I got board and stopped, but I am doing something else that is really fun. At that point, pick an activity you will never do and give them that one.

Great idea! I thought about saying I'd become Mormon, so they'd all move to Utah and ride around on bikes in suits. However, they're too intelligent to fall for it. They're on to my ways.