[Depressedgirl8]

The guy I was talking to is almost four years younger than me. we were talking for two months. We wanted to take things slow since we've both been hurt in the past. Everything was going fine. We went on dates twice a week, held hands all the time, talked and texted every day. We slept together many times too. He always said that he likes me alot and that I have all the qualities he wants in a girl friend. We always had fun together and slept with each other as well. I know that was a mistake since we agreed to go slow. My parents didn't like him because he didn't have his degree yet. He is in school part time to be an engineer and also worked as a bank teller. Ever since he lost his job about three weeks ago, he's been distant. He said that he accidentally deposited a client's money in his account. His boss of course didn't believe it was on accident. For four days I noticed he was distant. Two weeks ago i asked him if he still likes me and he said yes. I asked why he has been distant and he said he has alot on his mind. I said well can we talk tonight? He said no hun call you tomorrow I'm doing homework now. I said please? You being distant is bothering me. He said no I have things to do tonight call you tomorrow. I said ok. I called the next morning and left him a voicemail saying I'm sad and that I hope he wants to see me again. I said I understand if he just wants to be friends or needs some time alone. He never called or texted back. I tried calling a few times again on Saturday night but no answer. I texted three days later saying please call me back. I'm really sad you just stopped talking to me out of the blue. I really would appreciate an explanation. No response. I don't understand how someone could just lose interest like that. Do you think alot of it has to do with losing his job? I miss him and he made me happy. Last weekend he texted saying he just wants to be alone now and doesn't have time for a relationship. I said ok. I left him lone for about a week and then I texted three days later asking if he ever wants to see me again he said he'd call if he's ready. So I left him alone for three days then last night I felt lonely and called alot hoping to see him. He finally texted back saying he wants to be alone and doesn't want to see me and to move on. I said ok well if you change your mind let me know. Do you think there's any chance he'll want to see me in the future? Did I totally ruin it? :-( he has been cheated on multiple times in the past by his ex and took her back before. I hope he didnt take her back again. She even hit herself in front of him and went to his house and started hitting him. To this day, she still tries contacting him. I've been cheated on too by my previous ex of 2 yrs. this is a huge blow to me and my self esteem. Anyways, I deleted this guy's number so I'm not tempted to call during times I feel desperate or depressed.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not think that cheating in the past or anything like that matters. It seems to me that he might be facing criminal charges for the first time in his life and is therefore lost. Nothing in relation to you. You did not ruin anything - he deposited client's money in his account, not you.

I think that when he said he had a lot on his mind, he alluded to his being lost in this new situation with potential criminal charges.

His priority is probably getting an attorney now.

I do not think you did anything to ruin it, far from it. You showed lots of kindness, even when he was ignoring you.

Sadly, with everything going on, I don't think you'll hear from him again. I know it hurts like mad, but I think you've no choice but to let him go. Be kind to yourself, and please take comfort that you did nothing wrong.

Hugs

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Depressedgirl8

Anyways, I deleted this guy's number so I'm not tempted to call during times I feel desperate or depressed.

This was very smart, but it does not mean that you should sit home bottled up when desperation or depression does occur. It does not have to be that you quit calling/texting him and instead turn inwards. You can post, or find supportive friends whom you CAN call or text, etc. - in other words, divert that energy from contacting him into contacting somebody else or doing something else.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Depressedgirl8

We wanted to take things slow since we've both been hurt in the past.

We slept together many times too.

at was a mistake since we agreed to go slow.

Ever since he lost his job about three weeks ago, he's been distant. He said that he accidentally deposited a client's money in his account. His boss of course didn't believe it was on accident. Did I totally ruin it? :-(

So a couple more things.

You are on a mental health support and discussion site, and that might very well mean that you have some issues and are in therapy. I think you need to show the post to the therapist then. What I notice here:

- you have a tendency to take responsibility and feel guilty for things that are very, very far out of the domain of your control and influence. I think most of us on here have the same tendency, I definitely do, but you really show an extreme example of this tendency. He 1) lost his job and 2) appropriated somebody's money. You were neither his boss nor employer so you definitely did not cause the loss of job. Nor did you hold him hostage in your house, preventing him from reporting to work. Right? You clearly did not in any way cause or provoke his act of appropriation of somebody else's money. Yet, you think that you did something wrong. And even that thought you take to its extreme: your language is "TOTALLY ruin it". That is extreme language. So the T needs to see that.

- you also view behavior that is very common, very human, and mostly inconsequential as a mistake. OK, you guys decided to take it slow yet slept together many times. Has it been the only instance of your planning one thing yet doing another? If that is indeed the case, can you please share your helpful tips and secrets with others here so we can all be enlightened and empowered and go on to living better lives, knowing how to always stick to our plans? I personally made a New Year resolution to swim every day, and it is already March and I still have not been to the swimming pool. Can you please help me with this issue of mine?