[LadyShadow]

So its over. He told me a month ago that he will probably never love me. Ouch.

I met him on Eharmony. That worked for me. On an intellectual level we really connected. But intimately we just didn't connect. It just wasn't there. I tried to fool myself for two years, thinking foolishly that he will grow to love me. I think he did too. I think he really wanted to try to force himself to love me that's why he waited so long to tell me.

I feel so many emotions right now. I cried for about three weeks straight. But I don't really feel anything right now. I feel horrible about myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I used to tell him this all the time. That contributed to his "unlove" for me. Men really don't want to hear that you feel so bad about yourself. They also secretly want drama and a challenge. That's what he said. He has loved people that never loved him back. Men like a challenge.

We always want what we don't have. I loved him soooo much. I loved him when I woke up. I loved him when I went to sleep. But he didn't love me. He didn't feel for me. And for two years I tried to fool myself and think that he would change. That maybe he would. He never did and he never will. If it isn't there it isn't there. Accepting it is the hardest part. I tell myself that if I was more beautiful he would love me. That probably even isn't it.

My conclusion. Men don't know what the hell they want. Eff them. I will be alone for a very long time now. I know I will. Time to work on me.

Like I have been. This month has taught me so much. Between all the crying I have been exercising, beating punching bags doing that sort of thing. I even haven't been around Psych Central much like I used to.

I have to be strong, I can beat this. But oh the pain is a lot. So much still.......

[astenon]

I'm so sorry to hear of you break up. I don't know how serious you were about some of your comments do I feel compelled to reply. We all like a bit of man-bashing every now and then. I'm a man and have even joined in whilst supporting a friend when she broke up with her ex.

Firstly, it's really bad that he's strung you along for so long, especially knowing how much you felt for him. That's unfair. I can understand him trying to make himself love you as much as you loved him, but two years seems a long time to me.

You said "Men really don't want to hear that you feel so bad about yourself". I don't think that's just men. I'm sure your friends, family and colleagues would hate you to be so down on yourself. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like, but you are who you are and you need to try to accept that these things are you as well.

"Men don't know what the hell they want. Eff them. I will be alone for a very long time now."
Don't give up on yourself. Hell, from a personal level, if I had a lady who loved me as much as you loved your man, there wouldn't be anything I wouldn't do for her. Maybe I'm an old romantic, maybe it's because my social anxiety means I have never had a relationship, maybe it's because I'm .. erm ... more mature and want/need something deeper from a relationship.

I'm sure that once you are over this man, a true, decent man who will love you like you love them will be just around the corner.

"Time to work on me"
You go girl!
I believe a relationship isn't the be all and end all of life. If you have a fulfilling life and are happy, a good relationship can enhance that beyond measure.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

It's odd that two men responded to your post first but I thought Astenon covered mostly what I would have said. I'll reiterate though that to string you along for two years is not cool at all. People around here say that the year mark is the time you either move on or get married. Don't necessarily agree with that but then you see cases like this and think of time lost on a hopeless en devour and think that's a good rule to have. I'm very sorry for you

[avlady]

Well, i'm happy to see there are men that do understand women, by the replies!you've cried and done everything else you can, so i'm glad you're going to get on with your life. it's sorry you had to waste all of yourself on someone who wasn't mature as yourself, next time around you can look for the signs, and get on with your life.i also wouldn't judge all men as bad as your ex-there are some great guys out there too.

[adam_k]

I don't think all men don't know what they want, just the ones you have dated. I think as people grow they learn what they want out if life. I'm sorry about your releationship. Being with someone who can't love you is rough. I dated this girl for a while and she was bisexual. Somewhere in the middle of the releationship she decided she didn't like men. It sucks but some people just don't work together. I think there is someone out there than can love you. Just because people aren't flocking to you doesn't mean you won't find someone that cares and loves you. I would suggest working on yourself and building up your self esteem. I have problems with esteem too and people don't like other who aren't confident and sure of themselves. At first they give you compliments, but after a while they get sick of being your personal cheerleader and drift away. You have to learn how to love yourself and be happy with who you are.

[Harley47]

I'm so sorry...I know it must hurt. It's cruel of him to string you on for so long.

I would echo the advice given already...not all men are like that. Don't give up hope on us just yet, though I think you are being wise in taking time to work on you and to give yourself some time to heal. I hope when that time is up you come across an amazing guy who'll disprove the notions given by your ex.

That does remind me...respectfully, who is your ex to make those assertions about the whole anyway? Those sound to me like what the individual wants, not the whole. Don't let him speak for the group.

I wish you all the best, and I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs,
Harley

[Solitudeisme]

Sometimes men/women will string people on for their own selfish reasons, and to hell with the hurt and damage they cause....

[LadyShadow]

Well, I just wanted to thank all those that posted. It is obvious I was in a very angry place when I posted it. Just an update: We decided to remain close friends, which has helped a lot. The dynamics of the relationship were strictly on a companion level, so that's where i have kept it. I have accepted the fact that he isn't the one for me, and I have already made plans with friends to move out of my state within the next couple of years. There is really nothing left for me here now. My family is also planning on leaving here too, my parents to Florida, my sister to Georgia.

One chapter of my life is over. Another begins.......

[THE16THDOCTOR]

I've been in the same situation. Dated someone for 2 years and abruptly broke up. It hurt like hell. It was mutual but I must admit I embarrassingly and kinda desperately tried to get back together even though I knew we weren't right for eat other. For me it took like 8 months to get over it. At first I didn't care but a month or so after it hit.
You just have to find someone who loves you for you and understands your emotions. (Easier said than done and cliche but true)
It takes time but after you're over it you'll feel a lot better.
I would watch my fav movies and eat alone that made me feel better. Although I didn't have much of an appetite, always felt anxious.
As someone whose bipolar I needed to find someone who understood it for me. If they don't they'll grow tired of it thinking you can control it.