The Good Wife

If your husband really loved you for who you are then he would try to understand your feelings. I am not married, but I do know that when it comes to marriage everything should be shared equally. That also includes feelings. It sounds to me like he only wants to have a say in the relationship. It would be different if you didn't mind the sort of things in relationship; however, based upon what you value I don't feel that he is respecting you. Love is not about control and manipulation. Love is a deep connection between two people. I honestly feel that by him being a sex addict that it could be a possibility that he isn't happy with his sex life. I don't feel that it has anything to do with you. Sex addicts will look at porn, jag off etc. Anything to fulfill their sexual pleasures and desires. When you said that he told you that he may have to avail your services for the next two weeks, it sounds like to me that if he didn't mean jagging off, that it may be infidelity. Maybe you two should go to counseling first and if that doesn't work then save yourself the trouble and get out of the marriage.

I'm glad your therapist is so intent on working with you. You've a blessing in her, I think.

Please do keep us updated, and do know you're in my thoughts and prayers. And do stay safe...I just read your post from yesterday, and for him to do that to you? With all due respect, as I know he's your husband...I rather hope there's a nice cozy spot in Hell for him, having done that to you.

You're in my prayers, and sending lots of hugs your way,
Harley

PS: lol Speaking for myself, don't worry about my eyes. Years of gaming beat you to the punch.

Harley and all,
When I say thank you, I really mean it. I have decided it's time to call an end to this marriage. My next post will be in the divorce section, entitled guns, as I seek advice on what to do after filing (and changing the locks) about all the guns in my house.


Love,
Bub

Congratulations on taking the big step!

You've made a very wise decision Bub. I am proud of you.

Guns, eh? I'll check out your topic soon. Firearms are an area of expertise to me. I'm sure I can be of some help.

bubsmiley, Good on you! Stay strong, you're going to make it!

So it has been quite a while since I posted on this thread. Thought I'd update things.

I filed for divorce on March 27, 2013, while he was out of town. I had the local pastor come to the house and remove all the guns/weapons to reduce the threat of violence when he came home. The pastor called (now) ex to tell him the guns were gone and ex said, "didn't you forget about the one I have with me?" OK, so that did freak me out.

Ex was 500 miles away from me for 10 days. It was a wonderful 10 days. I was calm and relaxed - singing to my doggies and dancing as I cleaned up and boxed up 2 years of his filth. Then he returned. All joy disappeared from my life and it was replaced with fear and tension. His guns now returned, he asked why I'd had them removed in the first place. I said, "I am quite worried of murder/suicide." He just grinned.

He was not legally required to leave the house and I couldn't afford to keep 2 households going, so we coexisted. He finally moved out on Aug 1 and moved about 80 miles south of where we lived together. Knowing where he was, when I sold the house, I moved about 30 miles away from him so our paths wouldn't cross.

In Sept, I was getting ready to go on a long trip. Tho I didn't like it, I didn't want to board my 2 dogs for 8 weeks, so I dropped them off at his house. While overseas, our divorce was finalized. I was now obligated to pay him $55k as part of our settlement. Apparently, when the bank sent him the money, they also gave him my address. So he came to my new place and looked around the backyard, ostensibly assessing whether it was dog friendly. Then he rented a house 2.7 miles from me!

When I returned, I said I wanted him to keep the dogs. He wrote a long missive about how horrible I am and that was where he told me he had come to the house and repeated my address.

I was completely freaked out when I got his note and went to the police with it. There was nothing threatening about it and nothing they could do, but they took a report and reassured me that my new hometown was nothing like my old hometown and the police respond very quickly and don't take too kindly to domestic violence.

I wrote back, "The lady doth protest too much about stalking, methinks, so I’ll be perfectly clear: I want nothing to do with you. No visits, letters, messages, smoke signals, texts, nothing. If you get mail for me, send it back. I don’t want to hear from your family, your friends or your clubbing buddies... I assume you wanted to scare me by telling me you knew where I lived and had been to my house, so I shared the note with the XYZ PD. Even with me giving no details except I didn’t want you coming around, that officer knew something was up and offered me domestic violence advice and recommended I get a Protection From Abuse order."

And then things got weirder. He started sending me drunken emails that teetered between he hated me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. To cut down this long story, I filed for a protection from stalking order in December. He has just answered with 8 pages of questions demanding proof of what he did/threatening behavior/all correspondence for the last 13 months, etc. I guess this is his final chance to manipulate me, and he's doing it only to protect his right to have a gun. The irony is that I do indeed have proof of all I cited, so he's in for a bumpy ride.

Bub

Bub,

I hope you get to prove your case. Please update us after the hearing.

HB

Likewise, I hope things go well...I am proud of you for the courage you've displayed.

Sent from my SCH-R970 using Tapatalk

Your story takes some courage. Glad you go out, but sorry your still dealing with him. They don't know when to let go, do they? Stay strong and focused.