[deepikamurari]

Hi Team,

Myself & the guy whom i am gonna marry next month are facing serious relationship issues which needs to be solve before marriage to avoid further problems. Kindly help us & provide ur valuable suggestion which helps to lead a gud lyf.

My character:Talkative,Lively,Multi talented, Enjoying every seconds of life in present, Taking things lite,Wanna learn new things & update our self for betterment of next generation,Learning from other's Experience. My family side all will give priority for my happiness whatever may be the rules & regulations they wnt bother. My mom is working women which helped me to face any issue independently.

My guy character: Exactly opposite of mine in all aspects. He is good in all aspects from his point of view but when its comes into relationship everything is adversely changed affecting myself & himself also.

Some Scenarios which we are facing:

He is taking all small things as that much serious & reacting to me on that much anger. Even though he itself knows his behavior of that kind is wrong. Small small things in day-to-day life are making us hurting more & more.

Ex: Focusing on others thought mainly: If i talk more infront of any of his relatives,he is feeling that they will think i am dominating him so he used to order me for each & everything then he will scold me.He will take good care but I have to follow whatever he said.

Creating Dependency: As his family side all are housewives, he always wanted me also to be dependent able for his thoughts which hurts me more not able to express any of my suggestions while taking many decisions & at last he will implement his idea as final.

Wasting Present & saving for future: Always thinking for the future & saving the money for kids. Even though acceptable but enjoying the present life also imp which i feel. Not giving importance for any of our birthdays, DJ’s, Loveable moments… I Thought To Sit & Talk but where he is not spending time as we are away.

As I am multitalented, I wished my guy to encourage in all aspects as few will be blessed with creativity I feel . but he is not interested in any of things not even encouraging me & not even bothering abt that.

ANGER EXTREME: Whenever I argued these things, he will point my family members which adds fuel to the fire, Insulting me in front of his relatives & his brother, Staying Away by not talking @last HE WILL HURT HIMSELF by taking cigar & beer which I hate to the core. He will shout & wander in bike then he will realize.

Whenever we are intimate, He will make me happy & I also feel happy out of all things forgetting all his angry behavior.

I too know he loves me a lot & vice versa but this thing needs to be solved. Kindly advice how to change his angry behavior & making him to understand that a gal also has a wish to spread her wings.

[hvert]

I think you should give up on the idea of changing him We can't change the way other people act and think. If he does not want to encourage you to be creative or live independently, you can't change him.

Have you already told him how you feel about these things? What is his reaction?

Would it be possible to live your life the way you want if you were married to him, accepting that he is not going to encourage your creativity? If any of this is something you cannot live with, perhaps it would be better to rethink the marriage?

You two don't sound compatible at all! I'd break the engagement ASAP and move on.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree, you 2 don't sound at all compatable.

Nothing anyone says will make him change his personality. He has to want to change and doesn't sound like he's interested. He just gets angry and defensive when you point out his shortcomings and any improvements you want to make to the relationship. People like this are not interested in change. They like the way things are.

You have to accept that how things are right now is how they will be and either marry him, or decide that its too high a price to pay.

You haven't said anything nice about him besides when you mentioned being intimate with him, so I have a hard time understanding why you even want to marry a man that belittles and embarrasses you in public. A man that doesn't want you to think and feel without his permission. A man who doesn't give you a voice and makes all the decisions without you. This does not sound like a healthy partnership, it honestly sounds more like a dictatorship.

So because you didn't really give us a full picture I suggest you grab a pen and paper and make a Pros & Cons list.

Make a list of all the positive reasons to marry him , and then a list of all the negatives that you will have trouble accepting for the rest of your life.

Then compare the 2 and see which list is longer, the idea is to give you some clarity on what you're up against and for you to see clearly if marriage is a good idea.

It is unwise to enter a relationship hoping to change someone. Marrying or dating "potential" in the hopes of molding them into what we want makes no sense when there are "finished products", available people with the qualities we seek out there.

For a happy healthy relationship to flourish, we need to love and accept eachother as is.

I don't think either of you accept eachother as is, and therefore I doubt marriage will be a happy and healthy experience for either of you.

Take care

[danvb]

It looks to me that if you marry this guy you are setting yourself up for some major unhappiness in your life. Have you actually read what you just wrote here? From an outsiders point of view, it doesn't make any sense what-so-ever why you would want to marry a man who treats you so poorly! He is putting himself and his own feelings first... and he always will put himself first. You can not change him. Nor should you want to change him. He is who he is. Period. If you're having enough reservations about marrying this guy that you need to ask for advice here, lady, you have no business marrying him. It will NOT get any better than it is right now! After you're married he will only treat you worse.

Dan

[healingme4me]

One month to your wedding day, and looking for advice, as to how to get him to see that a gal needs to spread her wings too?

Have either of you, been through any sort of pre-marital counseling? Through counselors or a church?

Wish, I could tell you that I don't identify with much you've written, but on some levels you current experience of being insulted in front of others, is much worse, than I've dealt with.

Aside, from feeling the love, through your intimate moments, what positives, does he bring to this relationship?

Originally Posted by deepikamurari

Hi Team,

Myself & the guy whom i am gonna marry next month are facing serious relationship issues which needs to be solve before marriage to avoid further problems. Kindly help us & provide ur valuable suggestion which helps to lead a gud lyf.

My character:Talkative,Lively,Multi talented, Enjoying every seconds of life in present, Taking things lite,Wanna learn new things & update our self for betterment of next generation,Learning from other's Experience. My family side all will give priority for my happiness whatever may be the rules & regulations they wnt bother. My mom is working women which helped me to face any issue independently.

My guy character: Exactly opposite of mine in all aspects. He is good in all aspects from his point of view but when its comes into relationship everything is adversely changed affecting myself & himself also.

Some Scenarios which we are facing:

He is taking all small things as that much serious & reacting to me on that much anger. Even though he itself knows his behavior of that kind is wrong. Small small things in day-to-day life are making us hurting more & more.

Ex: Focusing on others thought mainly: If i talk more infront of any of his relatives,he is feeling that they will think i am dominating him so he used to order me for each & everything then he will scold me.He will take good care but I have to follow whatever he said.

Creating Dependency: As his family side all are housewives, he always wanted me also to be dependent able for his thoughts which hurts me more not able to express any of my suggestions while taking many decisions & at last he will implement his idea as final.

Wasting Present & saving for future: Always thinking for the future & saving the money for kids. Even though acceptable but enjoying the present life also imp which i feel. Not giving importance for any of our birthdays, DJ’s, Loveable moments… I Thought To Sit & Talk but where he is not spending time as we are away.

As I am multitalented, I wished my guy to encourage in all aspects as few will be blessed with creativity I feel . but he is not interested in any of things not even encouraging me & not even bothering abt that.

ANGER EXTREME: Whenever I argued these things, he will point my family members which adds fuel to the fire, Insulting me in front of his relatives & his brother, Staying Away by not talking @last HE WILL HURT HIMSELF by taking cigar & beer which I hate to the core. He will shout & wander in bike then he will realize.

Whenever we are intimate, He will make me happy & I also feel happy out of all things forgetting all his angry behavior.

I too know he loves me a lot & vice versa but this thing needs to be solved. Kindly advice how to change his angry behavior & making him to understand that a gal also has a wish to spread her wings.

[deepikamurari]

hi all thanx 4 t suggestions..he s loving me a lot so he s saying that he vl change everything once marriage happens..he s involving in meditation now but still as those are inbuilt characters duno whether it vl change aftr marage?

[Trippin2.0]

The only thing that changes after marriage is the problems get bigger. The things you dislike now will become things you hate...

Marriage is a safe place for people like your hubby to be. They can treat the partners like shyt 24/7 without empty promises of change because the spouse isn't going anywhere, they promised to stay and love them "till death".

And your hubby to be? He already does not want you to work and be independent, and he overrides every decision you make.

You will be stuck with him financially after marriage, and he knows this, infact I'm sure he's counting it.

That's why he won't change before you marry, because HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN CHANGING.

I really wish I was wrong, but I've seen this happen too many times to doubt my post.

[deepikamurari]

he vl take good care of me & family is too gud to settle.he s suggesting gal hav 2 change everything for guy & guy's family.adjustments in marriage lyf only vl b healthy so adjust all the tings.

[deepikamurari]

he vl allow me for wrk but in some place when i m repeadtly saying tings ex:b careful while traveling ...from my side i feel its imp so i m stresing again & again but he thought that as an irritation & react harshly 2 me..is a, guys wnt like tis saying tings repeadtly?

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by deepikamurari

hi all thanx 4 t suggestions..he s loving me a lot so he s saying that he vl change everything once marriage happens..he s involving in meditation now but still as those are inbuilt characters duno whether it vl change aftr marage?

He will not change, even if he desperately Wants to...marriage doesn't change people.

[gma45]

Get out while you can! He is not the one for you. He sounds to controlling and after marriage it will not be any better.

[Confusedinomicon]

People don't change unless they try and it takes years before you'll really see any solid results.

Also getting married and promising a change is bullshyte. Marriage is just an excuse.