[Rhapsody]

Adolescence is a time when many young people test limits — and parents patience.

Teenage rebellion often goes hand-in-hand with changing hormones and adolescent attitudes... In many cases, parents can head off problems by simply talking with their teen... however, when acting out leads to difficulties at home, school or in the community, and talk is hard to come by, tough love must be practiced.

Parents need to help teenagers make the connection between behavior and consequences, whether it means taking away the car, restricting phone use or even stronger punishments when necessary.... no freedom or friends for a set period of time.

While parenting teens poses daily challenges, it's important to point out that adolescence is the passage from childhood to the adult years.... so for a parent, there is no better time to be connected and involved than during these character building years.

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Hope this HELPS.................... for we parents need all the help we can get.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[nothemama8]

ohhhhhh if it was that easy

[darkeyes]

"tough love" okay, but suppose the child has a mental disorder? Your post makes good points, but there are times, and many where an adolescent is prone to mental disorders, due to the hormones peaking so quickly.
If you know for sure that isn't the case, then I agree with some sort of consequence (sp?) should be dealt with by the kid(s).
And consistancy starting with toddler years and not trying later helps, too.
Take care

[desirae]

I agree, I think discipline is essential when it comes to a teen. They know the basic boundaries, but sometimes they are not aware of how consequences work. I think youth can dumb up your fear of consequences. I remember when I was a teenager and out of control I did not fear consequences......and oh how did I learn. I had to learn the very hard way, sometimes that's what it takes in order for them to live a productive future.

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm assuming... and that may get me in trouble... but do you go back and read this article when the testosterone gets to be too much in your household? How does it work?

OH! And shouldn't this be under RELATIONSHIPS??

[SeptemberMorn]

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And consistancy starting with toddler years

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Right on, Roe! Those are key words!!

[(JD)]

But my parenting days are O- VER.

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL So are mine, thank goodness!! It was great while it lasted, I miss the full house and the hubbub, but in more ways than one, I'm glad I'm DONE!!

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple"> I agree Rhapsody...

And many troubles start because some parents try to be their teens friend instead of a parent... I have a good balance with my teen boys... They know that there are consequences to inappropiate behavior, and I make sure to discuss the behavior and as to why it is imappropiate and make sure that I do not attack them as a person.... I have a very open relationship with my all my kids... I find that they are comfy coming to me about things that other teens dont feel comfy talking to their parents about....

I however am not looking forward to my girls teen years, LOL.... My eldest girl (almost 11) is mildly mentally challenged and already there are issues, but we have a lot of support and people praying for her, and we adjust things accordingly for her when it comes to consequences...

Each child is different and I know what works for each of my kids and what doesnt.... So many times their consequences are not the same....

I am kinda just rambling here but, yes.... I know I can use any tips available to help inprove my parenting skills.... So thank you for this thread..... </font>

[wisewoman]

I think a lot is random. Brain chemicals and experience and how we grow. I will not be responsible for my son's disorder or his choices. Unfortunately that makes it so I can't also be responsible for the great girls I have, they are who they are.

[SeptemberMorn]

I don't know about the negativity of being a friend to your kids. I always was and didn't suffer for it any. I was just Alpha *****, that's all! LOL My kids and I used to have a lot of fun... like when I helped David put an old discarded toilet on the roof of the school gym! ROFL!!!!

[Rhapsody]

Tell ME what YOU think on this matter and recent AOL survey...... (thx)

Do you think spanking is okay?

49% Yes, it works - 1,113

17% No, and I've never spanked my child - 378

17% I have spanked, but I'm not sure it's okay - 374

12% No, though I have spanked my child and regret it - 266

6% Yes, though I've never had to spank my child - 135

Total Votes: 2,266

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LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I think no. But my rationale for that is that it isn't terribly effective and it teaches that violence is okay.

There are alternatives to spanking, but I do sympathise with parents who spank because they don't know what other alternatives to try.

I think that adolescence is a particularly hard time in western culture because the line between childhood and adulthood is so blurred... In other cultures there is a clear dividing line and there are rituals and at that point their social role (and expectations around that) changes. Like... Going on a first hunt. Or... Having your first menstration.

In our society it is harder... Adolescents struggle with trying to differentiate themselves from their parents in order to figure out their own values and be their own person (aka teenage rebellion).

I think that it is important to teach consequences, but I'm more in favour of drawing their attention to natural consequences rather than contrived ones (punishers). But then that being said sometimes parents do need to interveane. I like the idea of explaining why their behaviour isn't acceptable. I've also heard of people who try and figure out appropriate consequences / punishments with their children / teenagers.

I was fairly rebellious... I kinda wish I could have talked to someone more. Learned from my mistakes yeah, but I kinda wish I had someone looking out for me too.

[Rapunzel]

Spanking is inappropriate and ineffective for adolescents. With younger children, I think that there are much better discipline methods. Wouldn't you rather that your child is obedient out of love and respect for you, than because they are afraid of getting hit? Parents who spank frequently tend not to learn better ways to interact with their children and life turns into a constrant struggle where the parent stays on top by virtue of being bigger and stronger, not by earning the child's love and respect.

That said, there is a window between the ages of about 2 and 6 where a rare swat on the behind might be effective. It works because of the shock value though, so while it can be a powerful tool maybe once or twice (in the child's lifetime), more than that loses that shock value and teaches the child that mom or dad is big and mean. When it is rare, and the child gets out of control, a quick paddle gets their attention because they know they must have really done it in order to get spanked.

Just my 2 cents,
Rap

I so agree with your post Rap, it says everything I would say. LOL
I use alternative methods with my kids, it is harder, and takes more work and involment with the kids, but it is so worth it. My kids act decent because they have learned good behavior equals good results with everyone. I think the another very important thing in parenting kids is being very consistant with them in the discipline method that you use. It really works!

Another think to keep in mind too, is that a teenagers brain isn't fully developed yet, and can't fully reason like an adult, even though their bodies look grown up, their brains are still developing. . Some of their actions are due to this and overload of horomones.

[Rhapsody]

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Rapunzel said:
Spanking is inappropriate and ineffective for adolescents.

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I AM SORRY for the confusion here................ I meant spanking in general (and not with teens).

Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

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exoticflower said:
Another think to keep in mind too, is that a teenagers brain isn't fully developed yet, and can't fully reason like an adult, even though their bodies look grown up, their brains are still developing. . Some of their actions are due to this and overload of horomones.

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I agree totally with you here and they - the medical field - have just finished a 10 year study that shows that the REASONING CHEMICAL found in adults are not yet formed in teens..... the medical field stated that the average age for the release of this chemical into our brain was found to be around the age of 22.

.............. based on this new founded INFO - many are trying to get the age for marriage and joining the military changed so that one must be at least 21 before they can partake of either.... and driving to age 18.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

Yes, I believe that's what I referenced. My concern is that this is not a site to educate teens in how to grow up, but a mental health support site dealing with the heavier aspects of life, often unwelcomed happenings?

The issue was discussed a few times over in the past. If the reasons for changing the site have changed, I'm sure admin will advise us to this fact soon, and the reasoning behind it...and allow all of us a chance to make an educated decision in how we will respond.

[Rhapsody]

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_Sky said:
My concern is that this is not a site to educate teens in how to grow up, but a mental health support site dealing with the heavier aspects of life, often unwelcomed happenings?

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This THREAD (imho) was created to HELP PARENTS with their kids and not to educate the teens them selves.... hence a better state of mental health for the parents on here that are having a hard time with their own mental issues, let alone having to deal with problems at home (as many have shared we us here on PC).


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

Ok my bad... I thought it was a general discussion of the issue of children on site... perhaps the thread would fare better in the relationships forum then???

[Rhapsody]

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_Sky said:
Ok my bad... I thought it was a general discussion of the issue of children on site... perhaps the thread would fare better in the relationships forum then???


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Thats TRUE..... and any MOD may redirect it if they wish - THX.

LoVe,
RHapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

That's true, but Mods have enough to do already. It's also a very good thing to take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions.

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Rhapsody said:
[
I agree totally with you here and they - the medical field - have just finished a 10 year study that shows that the REASONING CHEMICAL found in adults are not yet formed in teens..... the medical field stated that the average age for the release of this chemical into our brain was found to be around the age of 22.

.............. based on this new founded INFO - many are trying to get the age for marriage and joining the military changed so that one must be at least 21 before they can partake of either.... and driving to age 18.

Yup, this was the study I was referring too that I learned about in Pysch class. I will be taking a more intense class that will discuss this topic even more, I am so excited.

I am not sure how easy it will be to change the minimum age on these items. But it makes a lot of sense, to change the what we consider the line of child to adult. The world is changing and more kids are entering college than ever, but they are living at home longer too, so it might be possible. I know insurance companies will insure someone who is 18-24 if they are in college. Child support(in most states) end when either a child is 18, married or in college up to age 24.
But anyways, I think educating parents on these findings will help a lot in them dealing with teens. So they can see that their teen isn't acting the way they do because they disrespect their parent, but because their reasoning isn't at an adult level PHYSICALLY or MENTALLY. So when parents see their teens, and yes their bodies look adult, but it doesn't mean they are going to act like it. But then again I have seen adults not act like adults too. LOL My daugher is only 11 and she is only 1/2 inch shorter than me, but she acts very much 11. LOL
I find these new studies absoultely facinating. Thanks for starting a great topic, and maybe I am doing a no no by adding to it, but I guess I can be grounded for being a very bad girl.