[Rhapsody]

Here is an article that I received in email today and I thought it could be of some good use to those that are contemplating getting married any time soon or in the near future.... it is always good to ask your self a few questions before you both say " I DO"

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The Ten Important Questions to Ask..... Before you MARRY!

1.) Do you want to have children?

It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse cannot agree on whether to have children or not. Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn't want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage.

2.) Can we talk about money?

The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn't the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account. The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money. If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.

3.) Can we talk about sex?

There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual's sexual libido. However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn't get married until the issues are settled. Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart if their are conflicts in these areas.

4.) How much time will we spend with our in-laws?

They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage relationship. If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.

5.) Will you clean the toilet? (lol)

If the answer is "no" or "why should I?" or "Isn't that your job?", you have several options:
a.) You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
b.) You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
c.) You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.

This is another one of those issues that won't suddenly get better after you sign the marriage license.

6.) How do you want to spend our days off?

The answer to this question will reveal several things:
a.) How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
b.) The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
c.) Whether or not you will come first before work.

Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy. Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc. Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.

7.) How often do you drink?

The answer to this question, or to questions about smoking cigarettes or using drugs, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a potential addiction problem which could end up not only threatening your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy.

8.) Have you ever hit someone?

If your future spouse has anger management issues, or tries to control who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells, cancel your wedding. These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don't think you can "save" him or her. You can't. This is a problem that needs professional counseling.

9.) Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?

Open marriage and swinging is okay for some married couples, but most want and prefer a monogamous relationship. If your future spouse and you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn't, don't get married until this issue has been discussed.

10.) What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?

If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations. Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?

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Hope this INFO helps....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[jbug]

Thanks for sharing. I am thinking about marriage to Rex the only question is he? LOL I could so see us having a future together the only thing is we haven't had a serious argument and I think we should. I mean I'm not saying argue just for the sake of arguement I want to know how he handles conflict. I don't know how he does.

Jbug

[Rhapsody]

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janniebug said:
Thanks for sharing. I am thinking about marriage to Rex the only question is he? LOL I could so see us having a future together the only thing is we haven't had a serious argument and I think we should. I mean I'm not saying argue just for the sake of arguement I want to know how he handles conflict. I don't know how he does.

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Hmm - I am not for sure about that one.... for IMO I do not necessarily think one has to have an argument to see how their significant other will react under pressure or how they behave when they are brought to the point of explosion.

IMO - if you have been with this person for say, a year or more, you should have had the chance already to see if this person has a short or long fuse.... if the fuse is long - count yourself lucky and let it be.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

Have you thought that maybe he doesn't let things get to the conflict stage? Maybe that's why you haven't had serious arguments!

Is this the man you told you loved and you didn't get an answer from for a long time? Maybe that's how he handles conflict... ignores it? Some food for thought.

[LMo]

Actually Janniebug - that's an interesting perspective. You're a smart cookie! I don't know if it's right or wrong for your situation, but it's really good that you look at multiple facets of a partner.

[Maven]

Those are good questions to ask, although you have to trust that your potential spouse will be honest with you in his/her answers. And one thing to note about abuse: It doesn't always show up early in the marriage, or at least you might not recognize it if it's really subtle. Some marriages go for many years before abuse starts. People change over time, and sometimes those changes aren't compatible with you. A successful marriage takes work.

I think, another question that's good to ask, if you don't find out before marriage, is, "If you and your partner are in bed, and your feet are cold, do you warm them by sticking them against your partner's legs?" If you don't like being shocked awake by icy feet against your warm skin, you better not marry me, ROFL!