[zobijayo]

So, I'm 29 and been divorced for 5 years as of next month. I've been single for all 5 of those years, only had sex 3 times in those 5 years and all 3 of those times were with my ex during times that she was single and wasn't getting any from anyone else. I've always been shy, talking to women has always been impossible for me, which is why I've remained single these past 5 years. Women just don't like me. I honestly don't know how I ever convinced my ex to be with me in the first place. I'm pretty sure she did it because she lost a bet or just felt sorry for me or something.

So, as of now, I'm 29 years old and giving up on ever being with another woman, in a relationship, as a friend, as a drunken one night stand....none of those are ever going to happen so what's the point of even trying anymore. Not sure why I'm sharing this here with all of you people that I don't know....but I don't really have anyone else to tell so....yeah

Feel free to let me know how pathetic I am for giving up at "such a young age". That's all that anyone else has to say.

[shezbut]

You're pretty young to be giving up on the idea on romance, zobijayo.

Not that I can't relate to your emotions...I can relate to how you feel, but, that doesn't mean that what you feel is true. It is simply an emotion. Emotions are perfectly valid. You feel them. They can hurt a lot. Emotions often cause us to feel miserable, lonely, pathetic, etc. All sorts of horrible feelings inside ~ but there are lots of wonderful emotions that we can feel at times too!

Rational mind is over on the other end of the spectrum from emotional mind. Reality ~ otherwise known as Wise Mind, is somewhere in the middle. Wise Mind involves both Rational Mind and Emotional Mind.

I would recommend getting some professional help from a T, to help you work through your feelings of hurt, misery, and look into your self-worth. I have a lot of personal experience with an extremely low level of self-worth and that has followed me throughout each and every relationship I've been in. Good and bad relationships, it has stayed despite! I've also been in T almost the whole time, all of these years, trying to make myself better. It isn't easy. It takes time. Especially when you're with another person (like I am). Try to give yourself a break.

Things will get better. You've reached out in here...that is good! Now, I think that you just need to reach out for a T near you for a little extra help too. We'll still always be here, of course, Give it a try though ~ It could really help you a lot!

[Leed]

Hi "Zob" ~ Bless your heart -- you are NOT pathetic!!! You have plenty of time to find someone. You're still pretty darn young!

I think you're still grieving the loss of the marriage. We DO grieve when we divorce. We either grieve for the person we lost, or we grieve the marriage itself. But we DO grieve! And just because it's been 5 years doesn't mean you should be over it by now. Some people don't know HOW to grieve.

Why not see a grief counselor? They can help you get over the grief that you're feeling. Or as Shezbut suggested, see a therapist. You may have other issues that are keeping holding you back. Either way, you need someone to talk to. If you choose a grief counselor, you can get one thru your local Hospice. They have some great ones. Just call and ask for an appt. to talk to one. I'm not sure about the fees, but I don't think it's very expensive. And if you choose the therapist, talk to your doctor and he'll refer you to a good therapist. He will know who to send you to.

I wish you the very best! You deserve the best!! You deserve someone who will love and care and be loyal and respect you! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[zobijayo]

Miserable, lonely, pathetic...yeah, that pretty much describes how I've felt for the last few years. I don't remember what it's like to have a "wonderful emotion" anymore. I have pretty much zero self-worth, never have. I've always hated myself for as long as I can remember.

I'm not going to seek help from a doctor or therapist or anything like that. I'm not a very open person with anyone. I have a hard time opening up here and this is all completely anonymous and no one here will ever know or see me. I could never be this open face to face with a doctor that I barely know. And yes, I know that's their job, they are paid to listen to people's problems and get them to open up....I've heard it all a million times from everyone I know. Still never going to happen.

Yeah, I know I'm young and have "plenty of time to find someone". I've been offered to be set up on several dates by several of my friends. But I turn them all down because I know that the dates will go badly and I'll just end up feeling 10 times worse then I do now. And yes, I realize that's a terrible way to look at things. But that's been the experience of my entire life so that's all I have to base my opinion on. When all you know is disappointment and failure....that's all you come to expect.

I know I'm not over my divorce, I'm never going to be completely over my divorce. She was my first love, my high school sweetheart, she's the mother of my children...all that stuff. I just don't know. Like I said I don't know why I'm even posting this on here

No, I don't deserve the best. I honestly don't feel like I deserve anyone. I don't deserve to be happy. I'll just spend my life lonely and alone