[bmaxwell93]

This is all new to me, but I am hoping that this will help me understand life and the curveballs it throws you. SO i will start it off like this..

I have been in a committed relationship with my current boyfriend almost 2 1/2 years (this upcoming April!). Lately, I have been dealing with not only my own stressful situations being in college and things. But my boyfriend and I have been arguing more the past 6 months than we ever have in our entire relationship. I love this man more than anything in this world. He had brought me from dark places I never wanted to be in due to bullying. I started dating him in my junior year of high school and I would have never wanted anything else but him.
Lately, things have been different. He's changed. He turned 21 in December and he has been so cocky that I just cannot stand it. His dad was recently diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer, but before I can explain myself, I need to let you know all the facts about what his family has put me through in the past..

So, my junior year of high school, "T" and I started dating (he was already graduated) and I could not have been any more happier. His family liked me and we all got along, his mom was friends with my mother. Well four months past and when his mom found out we had sex, she definitely made it known that she hated me. She told all my friends parents that I was a bad person, that I did drugs and that I walked naked in there house all the time.. (Mind you, I am a prude! and I was at his house twice in my life!) I basically had my high school life ruined. His parents talked badly about mine, even though they were friends and never did anything wrong. It was our choice to become sexually active. No one else's. Everyone hated me and I was bullied for my weight, even though I am not fat. Im just a curvy girl who was also into sports and fitness. I was crushed. Heart was broken. "T" stuck up for me and was eventually kicked out of his house and he lived with me for a while until his parents let him back.
Now, the past 6 months, Ive grown into a better person, graduated high school and is currently in my freshman year in college, second semester. It was a struggle because I saw "T" every day and I am just love struck over him. His parents have lied, stolen and made him pay for things even though he shouldn't have had to. His parents take advantage of him and it breaks my heart to see him be treated like that.

Now, fast forwarding to the present, "T" has been more willing to do things for his parents which includes leaving me and blowing me off to do things for them. I live an hour away from where I used to because I go to college. Our "I love you's" become a little more rehearsed and I feel like sometimes he's a different person. He has resorted to talking to more girls behind my back in the past and it has taken a lot from me to trust him. I don't know why he chooses to pick his family over me. I was ridiculed and hurt because of them. Due to the fact that we just found out about his dad, I was forced to feel bad when all they did was cause me hurt in the past. I got over my selfishness and feel bad about my boyfriend, but have a hard time being sympathetic towards his family when MY family was also there for him.
More recently, I've felt so much pain and more unimportant to him because I don't get the attention like he used to give me. Yeah, I come home a lot to see him, but how can feelings change so dramatically?
My friends and family notice he's different too. He used to be so much more respectful and loving now he's just cocky, and very different. I don't think he'd ever cheat on me and when I've threatened to leave when he pushed my buttons farther than before, he just broke down. We are constantly stressed due to the petty arguments we have and the struggles we are constantly faced with. I want my OLD boyfriends back. I used to think I'd marry him, but now I'm not even thinking of marriage. Yes, I am young but I am very mature and know what I want in life. And I want him. But I think things have changed his opinion about me.. Why is it that men are SOOO romantic when you date them for a year and then they just stop because they're comfortable. It hurts us so much as women because we put our hearts on our sleeves to please our men.

I just know what to do. I know my heart would BREAK if i left him. We've established so much together and he just doesn't take my feelings into consideration and he's very self centered. I think he wants so much attention, hell do anything to get it. He's a social butterfly. I want him in my life, but my family is disappointed in how he has changed. Is there a way to figure out him? Occasionally, he'll talk about his feelings but its only when he wants to. He can be such a great guy.. yes, I require some maintenance and attention, but I love my boyfriend and my relationship. He took my virginity and I am very attached to him. IS this wrong of me to question things? I need help, it's so hard to talk to my family about it because they are so over protective of me and my feelings..

Please help! I need your advice! IF you need additional information, just leave a comment and I'll get back to you!!!

Britt

[Leed]

Hi dear Britt ~ I'm sorry this has happened. I think what occurred when the knowledge of you two having had sex came out, was appalling. His parents are pretty disgusting if you ask me, and he didn't react much better. He should have TOTALLY had your back!!

And what is going on now? Well, he seems to be strutting his stuff. If it's talking to other women, and acting cocky, he obviously thinks he's "quite the man" and doesn't take your feelings into account. If EVERYONE can see that he's acting differently, then obviously he IS. It's not just your imagination. And he's a "social butterfly?" Oh brother. He's looking.

I would tell him that "we need to have a talk." And then ask him what he wanted out of this relationship. Ask him where it's going -- and if he's committed to it. You need to know where you stand. If he's not committed to it, then let him go and move on. You don't need to continue being hurt. You wont' die of a broken heart --- we've ALL had one at one time. I also thought I'd die of one when my husband died, but I didn't. So you won't either if you two break up. So find out where you stand.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[LovelaceF]

So he's changed recently, and you can be sure of that because everyone else thinks so, too. He is cocky and arrogant now, but was previously kind and loving.

Those are signs, to me, that he is not getting what HE needs from the relationship currently and is seeking it elsewhere. He wants attention. He's extremely sociable. So, perhaps he is the type of person that has a certain need to have his ego stroked and will seek that from wherever he can get it - other girls, etc.

My sense is that you've been arguing lately, and that is putting a damper on your positive interactions. You are both also stressed, which further strains the relationship. Can you two have a heart to heart, and commit yourselves to having some fun together for the sake of your relationship?

[LovelaceF]

Also, I cannot imagine that he is feeling his "normal self" in light of his father's illness. I know that you are upset with his family, but still, it is his father. That's likely one of the most important people in his life, regardless of what wrongs have been done. He may be someone that deals with grief and sorrow by stuffing them down, becoming hardened, or putting up a wall. Can you tell us more about his behaviour as of late?