[daffy715]

I was seeing someone long distance for about six months until he recently moved here in January. I felt like things were going great and I was so excited about him moving since that meant he would be closer to me. Lately, everything has been falling apart...He took a position with a company and he really hates it. He told me that he feels terrible about himself and that he is a "loser" and he is "stupid". He complains that he has negative thoughts "racing through his mind." I offered to help him but he said "this is just something that I have to do on my own." He has completely stopped talking to me for the last three weeks. The last time I spoke to him he said, "I'm sorry I haven't been spending as much time with you as I would like, but it has absolutely nothing to do with you!". He once asked me not to give up on him and that a relationship with him was going to be hard. I have tried to text or call him once a week for the past three weeks. I don't want to be pushy and stress him out even more. Typically, no contact would make me assume that he has lost interest but it just seems too complicated to be that. Would he ignore me because of depression and/or stress?

[Travelinglady]

I do think that depression can lead people to avoid being around others. I know when I get depressed I sometimes just don't want to even contact my friends, much less spend time with them.

[mitingas]

it is possible that he avoid you because of depression.But you tried to get in touch with him and he won't be with you. Leave him alone and don't call him. If he call you, great but stop calling him. If he doesn't miss you than there is no reason to be with him. Go on.

[hamster-bamster]

I totally agree with Payne.

I have been dating, just dinners no sex yet, this guy since the. End of last year, and he is on Lexapro and is sometimes symptomatic even on lexapro. But when his work had him change insurance in such a nonseamless way that he ran out of medication, he became really symptomattic. He emailed me about it, saying things along the line of

I wish I had the energy but I do not

So he makes sure that I know what is going on with him, and I find it helpful that he isso self aware. I bet your friend just has not yet learn to clearly verbalize what is happening with him.

[hamster-bamster]

Sorry for the post with mistakes, cannot deal with the keyboard on the phone.

But at any rate, no contact must be due to depression and not his losing interest in you.

Plus...

Depressed people lose interest in everything

[daffy715]

Thank you for sharing how you feel, Payne! He has made the comment that all he wants to do is sleep and he just has enough energy to go to work. Does it make you feel better if your friends try to contact you?

[daffy715]

Hamster, I really appreciate your reply. I think you're right and he his having trouble communicating to me what exactly is going on. Otherwise, I feel like he would just dump me instead of telling me he is sorry and that his distance is not because of me. He has told me that he needs to tell me something about himself but he's afraid that I will run away if I know. My intuition is telling me that his big secret is that he's battling bipolar disorder or some other illness. I guess I'll just give him more time...

I'm glad your guy is able to tell you what he needs at this time. Do you just leave him alone and wait for him or do you try to reach out to him? Thanks again!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daffy715

Hamster, I really appreciate your reply. I think you're right and he his having trouble communicating to me what exactly is going on. Otherwise, I feel like he would just dump me instead of telling me he is sorry and that his distance is not because of me. He has told me that he needs to tell me something about himself but he's afraid that I will run away if I know. My intuition is telling me that his big secret is that he's battling bipolar disorder or some other illness.

I can tell you how he opened up to me, regarding the depression.

I told my date that I am bipolar, my friends, how cool! - Forums at Psych Central

So I started... and he apparently felt safe to open up.

I wonder if your guy will feel safer if you start - since you are on this site, you yourself might be battling a mental illness. I do not know - just guessing, since most people on here have a thing or two.

Originally Posted by daffy715

I'm glad your guy is able to tell you what he needs at this time. Do you just leave him alone and wait for him or do you try to reach out to him? Thanks again!

No, I do not reach out to him. I do not reach out to him for two independent reasons:

1) He has a p-doc, a weekly T, a woman whom he calls his "secondary relationship" (he identifies as polyamorous, which does not translate into a whole lot of "poly" in his particular case, number-wise, but he does see a woman whom he has known for a number of years - not frequently though, because she is married and lives within a 1.5 hr drive from him), a set of long term guy friends, fellow hobbyists with whom he meets, regularly, in his apartment to engage in their hobby and talk, a job, a cat, an older woman who gives him weekly foreign language lessons ... and I think this is it, but that is ENOUGH - he is not living in social isolation. He acquired all of the above before meeting me, so I assume that all of the above should be his first recourse and line of defense when he feels depressed. So I do not have a sense of duty - I would not reach out to him out of a sense of duty because I do not think that it is my duty to reach out to him.

2) I have a very complicated life with a lot of things to be done that I do not have enough time to do, nor is he the only guy around me, either. So, I do not reach out to him out of my own desire not to be alone.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daffy715

He complains that he has negative thoughts "racing through his mind."

Daffy,

I think you might be on to something when you suspect bipolar in him. The mention of negative thoughts RACING through his mind makes me think of a bipolar mixed episode. People with major depression do not talk about "racing" thoughts, right? "racing thoughts" is a hallmark of bipolar...

[daffy715]

Thanks for sharing your thread about telling your date. I have been seeing a counselor for the last two months because I have been dealing with some very stressful family issues. I told him about it and he said he needed to also be in counseling. He has asked me several times if I have health benefits and has complained that he doesn't have any at the moment. I can't help but wonder if that irritates him so much because he needs to be on medication. I just wish he would talk to me about whatever is that's bothering him because I truly care for him...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by daffy715

Thanks for sharing your thread about telling your date. I have been seeing a counselor for the last two months because I have been dealing with some very stressful family issues. I told him about it and he said he needed to also be in counseling. He has asked me several times if I have health benefits and has complained that he doesn't have any at the moment. I can't help but wonder if that irritates him so much because he needs to be on medication. I just wish he would talk to me about whatever is that's bothering him because I truly care for him...

If he wishes he had health benefits... yeah, it sounds like he wants to be on medication but cannot pay for either a p-doc or treatment.