[pammie]

I have posted on this forum previously about my SIL with which I have a strained relationship. ( my husbands only siblings wife ). My husbands mother is elderly and quite the manipulator. She is "working" on my husband to invite SIL,brother and MIL to our home next weekend for my dd birthday. They live about 3 hrs away. Problem is, we just don't get along with SIL and it is VERY strained. We would prefer she doesn't come and my dd could care less as she does not have a relationship with SIL. MIL is saying things like " I don't want to die with my two sons estranged" and " my heart is breaking and my life is over". We have no problem with brother--he's a great guy married to a not so nice girl but that is his problem. I believe my MIL has her own agenda and is trying to control my husband with her high drama. I try to explain this to him but it is his mother, manipulations and all. We would like to stay firm as we just don't want SIL in the house, she is aloof and doesn't hesitate to throw out criticism--even directed at our kids. Last time she was here, she told me my 11 year old was fat and asked me how I think she will ever get a man like she is now!!!!!! She's 11!!!
I can tell my husband is torn and has be a victim of this manipulation all his life. I try to tell him that she is manipulating to get her way ( MIL ). I'm finding myself getting pissed off at DH for his wimpiness but I don't want to start a big thing over this--I don't want to give MIL so much power.
Anyone know any good MIL handling techniques?

[kimmydawn]

Hi, and welcome back.

I think first and foremost, you and your husband must come to an understanding and agreement, as opposed to working this individually. Stand together and it will work.

After that has happened, he should deal with his mother knowing he has your backup. It's his mother, his family, his primary responsibility to do what's best for his now family.

Remember when talking with your husband to come to a workable solution that it is his family he loves, and express to him that you know that, but that you're speaking as the advocate for the family he now has...

Good luck and let us know!

KD

[pammie]

Thank KD. I remember your kind posts from the last time I was here complaining about my SIL and the "fat" kid comment. I'm not usually a whiner and this problem is small in the big scheme of things but it is bugging the h##l out of me as I do not like to be controled by my MIL. Her manipulation is so clear to me but my husband is bogged down by emotion so he can't see it!

[bebop]

I have a sil like that. our family has never been good enough for her but I have learned tolerance to try to keep my family together. I would suggest if your sil comes there lay the ground rules. simply tell her that her rude comments will not be in your house. Then it is up to her whether she continues to be allowed there.

[pammie]

Thanks Bee. After the "fat" kid incident, I was very clear about what will be tolerated from her in the future. She has basically stopped talking to me at family functions--which is really not so bad. This is my MIL's agenda. She is trying to push my husband into inviting Brother and SIL for a visit which, in most likelihood, neither party wants! MIL wants it her way and she has very dramatic ways in which she tries to exert control. My husband has a hard time standing up to her.

[bebop]

I understand. My hubby is like that too. best of luck to you!