[Sistah]

I know most people think that I'm strange but I am in my 40s and I practice abstinence. Many times I feel the need to be intimate with a MAN. I want to be held and comforted. My friend always tells me that when I feel the need to be with a man is really some thing else underneath that feeling. That may be true (lost mother at a young age) but I still want to be comforted by a man and not a women. It is a very natural feeling. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. I don't want to have sex. I am a true Christian and don't believe in sex outside of marriage. I'm not in a position to begin a relationship with a man. I have three close female relationships and they hold me from time to time when I am in crisis mode. I have male friends but none that are close enough for me to ask them to hold me. My brother gives me hugs but I don't want to ask him to hold me.

I'm just wondering if you feel the same way how do you deal with this? I'm not sure if the way I feel has anything to do with me being diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. I personally don't feel I don't have many characteristics having to do with BPD. I was misdiagnosed with bi-polar.

[choocha]

Hi, welcome to PC. Sorry you don't have anyone to hold you. I don't either. I cope by having 13 pets. Animals love you unconditionally and love receiving and giving affection. But that's just me. I hope you find something/someone for you. Hope to see you in chat.

I feel the same way, I'm a man and I would like to be held by my female partner. I want her to hold me and speak nicely to me and comfort me.

[joker_girl]

I think it is a human need, I do not want to be touched by most people, and even when my husband and I snuggle, I do not like it for very long, because I get uncomfortable and restless and hot. But at first, the first little bit, is intensely pleasurable. I usually have to ask him to hold me, occasionally he will just do it.

When he is asleep, some times, I will snuggle up against him for a while, or hug him, but it is much better when he wraps himself around me. I feel loved, content, and protected, and it eases some deep, primal need and ache.

I am not a real huggy person, and resist or avoid it from anyone except close friends and family.

When I was very young, like just beginning college, prior to meeting my husband, I behaved in a promiscuous manner. I would drink, smoke pot, and use cocaine, and I was quite easily gotten into bed. I enjoyed having all that man's attention for the night, and to be kissed and touched and held. It never filled the need for long, though.

It is also a somewhat separate need from sexual pleasure, sometimes I just want to be held. I have been with my husband for twenty years, he is the only one I can imagine snuggling with.

If you nave a pet, it helps, I enjoy letting my dog sit on me and petting him. It helps with a touch need. To just be able to touch another living thing (obviously non sexually!) is a need. Plus a pet is unconditional love, my dog thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread.

[helent70]

I think that when you aren't part of a couple, you can go for years without being touched by another human being in any meaningful way. And that's not healthy. I was chaste for well over a decade after the breakup of the relationship I had with my son's father. I just didn't feel like I was able to make good relationship decisions, so the solution was not to have one.

There are men out there who share your values and won't pressure you for sex... you might meet them at church or online.

[mulan]

I feel the same way. Don't feel guilty.
I just look at man as someone who can also be stronger inside and give you the strengh and care you need.
I don't know it's because i'm closer to my father than my mother, but i think it is kind a natural thing we are desing to. I just think any man will give me what i need.

[Aokigahara]

i think you should go for it. its only natural to want these things, and it makes no sense to deny yourself. especially for the sake of superstition. enjoy your life now. you'll be chaste when your dead.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Sistah

I'm just wondering if you feel the same way how do you deal with this? I'm not sure if the way I feel has anything to do with me being diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. I personally don't feel I don't have many characteristics having to do with BPD. I was misdiagnosed with bi-polar.

There is absolutely nothing in your account to suggest BPD. You report a basic human (no, not human, but mammal) need for a physical connection.

I second both Aokigahara's suggestion to postpone chastity until death and choocha's and joker_girl's suggestions to get affection and touch and unconditional love from pets (dogs or other mammals). Both good practical suggestions and you can implement one or both.

[LadyMickey]

Many people feel the same way as you. Don't worry, you're not alone. I believe someone might just come along if you put yourself out there. I mean go out and start meeting people. Even though I am a female and cannot help you, I still would love to hug you

[Sistah]

Originally Posted by Aokigahara

i think you should go for it. its only natural to want these things, and it makes no sense to deny yourself. especially for the sake of superstition. enjoy your life now. you'll be chaste when your dead.

You're quite funny. Thanks for that.

[Sistah]

Originally Posted by LadyMickey

Many people feel the same way as you. Don't worry, you're not alone. I believe someone might just come along if you put yourself out there. I mean go out and start meeting people. Even though I am a female and cannot help you, I still would love to hug you

How sweet you are. Thanks

[Sistah]

Originally Posted by joker_girl

I think it is a human need, I do not want to be touched by most people, and even when my husband and I snuggle, I do not like it for very long, because I get uncomfortable and restless and hot. But at first, the first little bit, is intensely pleasurable. I usually have to ask him to hold me, occasionally he will just do it.

When he is asleep, some times, I will snuggle up against him for a while, or hug him, but it is much better when he wraps himself around me. I feel loved, content, and protected, and it eases some deep, primal need and ache.

I am not a real huggy person, and resist or avoid it from anyone except close friends and family.

When I was very young, like just beginning college, prior to meeting my husband, I behaved in a promiscuous manner. I would drink, smoke pot, and use cocaine, and I was quite easily gotten into bed. I enjoyed having all that man's attention for the night, and to be kissed and touched and held. It never filled the need for long, though.

It is also a somewhat separate need from sexual pleasure, sometimes I just want to be held. I have been with my husband for twenty years, he is the only one I can imagine snuggling with.

If you nave a pet, it helps, I enjoy letting my dog sit on me and petting him. It helps with a touch need. To just be able to touch another living thing (obviously non sexually!) is a need. Plus a pet is unconditional love, my dog thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Thank you for your openness and honesty. I appreciate the fact that you took time to share with me. God bless you.

[adam_k]

Have you thought about dating some men from your chuch or maybe other similar churches? Having sex to make children and not for fun is a very religious view, and I think there are guys out there that may have the same feelings.

I think wanting to be held and comforted is a very natural and good thing. I think it is a fundamental part of what makes us human. To develop intimacy and connections with people. Inimacy, isn't just about sex, but having a closeness and trust in someone else. Many people find it hard to do that with the same sex, and it feels much more natural with the opposite sex. I think that is how most people's brains are wired to work. An instinct to be drawn to the opposite sex and desire to have closeness with them. I don't think there is any wrong with you, and I doubt this is part of being diagnosed with BPD. I think it is a natural instinctual urge to be close with someone and have trust, to feel connected and have a sense of belonging.

I agree... The need is definitely there.
But, does it go for long, I mean just a pure hug without sex involved... unconditional love?