[trance]

not sure this is the right place for this but I really need to vent...I don't usually come here except to write poetry but the way my life is right now I need you guys advice...

I met my girlfriend about 7 years ago and we were so in love (there is a bit more to that statement but not really important to this post) anyways...she has 4 kids all grown...about 3 years into this relationship she has her son move in with us...we actually are on social assistance disability with a very limited budget but we got a 2 bedroom townhouse through what here is called housing ( rent controlled housing unit) right from the start the jerk would come home and literally dump his gym bag right in the middle of the living room floor and he would leave his dirty clothes right beside the clothes hamper on the floor dirty dishes in his room and heres where it gets weird...she would go into his room and clean it up...she would mash his freaking potatoes for him and serve him in his room and anytime day or night if he wanted something she would jump...this went on for 2 years...well one day he came storming in slamming doors and yelling because we put him on the lease and he went crazy because he would have to pay rent (it was only 135 dollars a month) he came at me telling me to punch him in the face begging me to nail him and then he put his hands on me and pushed me it was then that I picked up the phone to call the police but he left and then came back for his stuff...he went as far as to tell our neighbors we were crackheads...I was so glad he was finally gone...maybe 3 months later he phones his mother asking if he can move back in with us because his girlfreinds parents didn't want him there anymore ( he got drunk and made a damned fool of himself)...I said no way was he moving back in with us and right away my g/f starts looking for a place for him and her to go...I swallowed my pride and said ok he could move back in...now he goes between his girlfriends place and here and doesn't pay either of us any money which his mother thinks is fine...she still babies him and lets him do anything he wants...oh and another thing I forgot to mention is he walks into our bedroom anytime he feels like it without knocking or anything or if he does knock he doesn't wait for us to say come in he just barges right in...I have been informed that I have no say in this house even though my name is on the lease...if we get caught with him staying here we are going to be evicted...which is fine for them but I literally have no place to go...I am shaking so bad at the moment so please bare with me...I have anxiety and depression issue and I am slightly agorophobic which means I have a very hard time going outside...this whole situation is becoming more than I can handle and I don't know what to do...I love this woman with all my heart and I dont want to lose her but my health is steadily going down hill...I am 53 years old and in the worst of health...I have no where to go and no one to talk to...but it is getting to the point where I am thinking to hell with this and go live on the street...not only that but you people should hear the way they talk to the little ones in the family...total verbal abuse...he calls his nephew a fuc*ing little shithead and an asshole and tells him to kick people...I thought my family was fudged up but these people are so abusive to one another it makes my g/f sick...I have these tendencies to think of doing myself in just to get away from it...it seems to me to be the easy way out and at my age it may be the only way...anyways thanks for reading this...

WHAT DO I DO?????

Hello there

Am so very sorry, I totally understand why you are so angry, I would be too. Seems that without the support of your girlfriend over the treatment of her son, then I think you'll be fighting a losing battle. She needs to understand that this man is an adult, and that he should be held accountable for his actions and behaviour. Her molly cuddling him isnt doing him any favours, and is just making matters worse. Surely if its making her sick too, that she knows this even if she won't admit it? What does she say to you when you speak to her about it?

Without her agreeing to set some rules down like being responsible for rent or being on the tennancy, or better still, asking him to move out, then I think it may be the time for you to start planning your own exit. If its affecting your health (and I understand why it does) then you need to start looking after yourself. Can you speak to the authorities and you can get your name on another list for somewhere else to live? Who told you that you have no say? Surely if your name is on the lease you have some sort of say legally. Is it worth going to get legal advice or look up some info with your terms and conditions? Please don't let this young man break you and try. He's not worth ending your life over..

Big hugs