Stuck in a uncomfortable place with no hope of getting out

I've been feeling rough lately as I've been dragged along by a friend that I had feelings for. We hung out all day yesterday. He sent me home when he said he was going to bed, but my roommate saw him out at a party later making out with a girl. I don't know why she told me that, and was completely unsympathetic to the fact that I asked her not to tell me things like that. She totally played the victim. It must really suck to be her and have romantic connections all the time and then have to be gentle with people who are having a harder time (note sarcasm).

Anyway, this lead to a talk where he said that he likes me but isn't into a relationship at any capacity at this point (I never mentioned one). I'm incredibly disappointed. He was my last chance here. I've met everyone and don't have an interest in anyone else.

This is all happening a couple of weeks after I had a guy take advantage of a VERY drunk me. I was reminded of how dangerous, scary, and uncomfortable it is to be a woman, especially one as small as me. This, alongside months of loneliness and disappointment, led me to really need a romantic attachment, even just a minor one. This led me to fooling around with a friend of mine, who is the only other person I find attractive here. This strained another friendship of mine, which I have called off because she's not very respectful to me. Anyway, this other guy freaked out in bed earlier this weekend and said that he can't do this anymore because of mental health problems. I didn't judge him for it, and we called it off. I can't even get a man to sleep with me.

And now this with my crush. I can't help but think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that there are many more pretty women than men in the world. After college, I'm off to Egypt. The fact that I'm going to be alone for at least two years is hurtful and disappointing. There is nothing that I need to be by myself to focus on. I don't get why I'm incapable of being liked here.

When I'm seeing someone, even if we aren't official. I'm healthier. I get bored and lonely when and go out partying a lot. Everything seems meaningless and boring. There is no hope and nothing to look forward to.

I'm tempted to call off my friendship with my crush. It's not even like he did anything wrong, but I'm disappointed and don't know if its worth it to keep him around.

I don't know how to swallow this reality. College isn't supposed to be like this. What is there to look forward to? I'm bored and even my friendships are disappointing =[

I can understand your feeling hurt and lonely. That isn't any fun.

Try to keep in mind that just because you're attracted to him, that doesn't mean if you were to have a sexual relationship it would be great. When personal feelings are one-sided, the experience can be very painful emotionally.

He sounds like a pretty decent guy in that he hasn't taken advantage of your physical attraction to him. Many young guys are more than willing to take advantage whenever they can! (I know that I'll probably get boo'd for that remark, but I sure have seen it happen MANY times.) If your only interest in this guy is physical, then maybe you should end the relationship now. Otherwise, it's just going to be painful for you and frustrating for him.

Gentle hugs sent your way........