Parent Pressure

I want to be free of my anger towards my parents but I can't forget what I have to deal with and they push me to get through it with one obstacle after another. They make me feel like I am at fault and am not trying hard enough. I want them to leave me and my kids alone so I can deal with it the best I can without their making me feel like a looser because I can't do it at their pace. I am so angry right now I want to do something to hurt them. Thankfully they live too far to do anything but it is still in my head and heart. Tell me how to stay away from them and keep them away from us.

do you have caller ID? if you do, don't pick up when they call.....and if you don't have it, run to the nearest store and get the little box and call your phone company OR if your phone already has the capacity for it.....call your phone company......

i just moved away from mine and acted as if they didn't exist......that's all i can tell you. but it sounds as if not living near them is not helping......good luck, p

I agree with fayerody.......to get back under your own control, you need to keep away from them completely.....& using caller ID to avoid them is the place to start.....& don't let them come & visit (which I hope they wouldn't do without talking to you first).

You need to feel like YOU are in control of your own life & not feel guilty because of the way they make you feel. You can't feel guilty for staying away from them either....you owe it to yourself & your family. You don't own anything to your parents. Once you gain enough confidence & feel like you are back in control of your life, they you can consider letting them back in a little at a time. If they continue making you feel the way they are, then back away from them again & let them know that until they stop treating you the way they are, they aren't welcome in your life. You have to be pretty tough to stand up against them, but it is important to your own furure to take care of yourself.

I hope this helps you realize that it is ok to stand up for yourself,
Debbie

Determined,
I so understand what you mean about parents. The caller ID is great. Even if you feel obligated to talk to parents, you can still do it on your terms. I rarely pick up when parents call and I decide when to call them back... usually the next day when they are sober. Parents here do payback a lot, but I'm still more prepared because I call back when I am feeling ready, not because I didn't realize and ended up answering the phone to their voices. When that happens, there is no preparation time and it never has a chance to go well for me.

As far as visiting. I can understand if that includes internal conflict as well. Parents here do not live close, but they often do surprise "visits". I have driven up the road and seen their vehicle in the driveway and panicked. When that happens, if I can, I drive around the block and try to breathe and prepare myself mentally. It's usually still pretty bad, but at least defenses are armed and ready to protect.

Sorry I don't have answers to keep them away, but hope this helps until you figure out a way to keep them at a good distance.

Please take care

Mail and email is the problem these days. I can't seem to refrain from opening them. It is my issue and need to just stop opening them. It starts off my anger episodes.