[iffylivy]

this will probably sound more like a rant, but i just really needed to have it out. So yesterday me and my boyfriend were out for breakfast and we talked and while we were talking he has his phone out playing a game. this is the second time hes' had his phone out while we were talking playing games. This probably means either boring to him or who knows what. then after breakfast before my work we went to play some pool it was quiet and we had like short convos if i said something and during the whole time i didn't want to or feel like playing anymore because it just felt boring and while we were playing hes talking to a mutual friend about playing basketball together so he says i start work at 5 so then after they will go and play. we go put the balls away when we were done and start listening to a co-workers talk and also engaging in it as well. then he says hes leaving though i have about half hr before i start work. and he leaves. I'm starting to wonder about everything like if I'm just boring or something, that's probably it. i really don't know. how to make things more entertaining or fun or just something. anyone have any pointers.

[optimize990h]

I think you need more self confidence in yourself. Just enough to give yourself respect. Sometimes some guys have problems discussing relationships and communication. I don't know whether it is socially acquired behaviour or not.

Do you know what kind of things interest him? If you can try to do quick study of the subject(like his phone is an Android phone made by Samsung. A Galaxy IIS and has it been hacked to add new Android software?..It's running the latest update Ice Cream Sandwich? On a 1.0 Mhz Snapdragon chip? Not quad processor chip? Oh, quads drain the battery quicker, etc)

But you have to sneak some line relating with his behaviour Re: playing games while you is talking. In neutral tones and language, just discuss is this his usual behaviour in certain situations whether it is possible to have a mutual agreement of boundaries and expectations.

I don't know how you feel about that suggestion, but it's just a thought. I can't quote the odds for success.

[hamster-bamster]

What happens if you stop talking as soon as he looks at the game?

I am not personally familiar with people who play games on their phones while they talk, but I do remember my school teachers using this technique when students talked in the classroom, interfering with the educational process - the teachers stopped mid-sentence. It worked very well.

[iffylivy]

will we had a discussion before and we've been saying for a year and he was like how don't know much about eachother, or do we talk about ourselves, i do remember allot of what he likes and stuff and kind of try to integrate it into conversation, but it only goes so far, except for things like the gym, idon't know much about, like weights and stuff, but researching sounds like a good idea, trying until i can't try no more. also i think i may have stopped while he was looking at his phone, but he replies with go on I'm still listening.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by iffylivy

i think i may have stopped while he was looking at his phone, but he replies with go on I'm still listening.

How young are you guys? Maybe you are just the new multi-tasking generation.

[RomanSunburn]

Younger generation or not... Having your phone out playing games while youre having breakfast, I assume, in a restaurant? My husband and I are only 26, but we never take our phones out in restaurants or even when we're having dinner at home. To me, meals are sacred times to communicate with the people sitting with you. If we do have to take our phones out, we apologize and explain why. My husband will take his phone out to look up a fact or something if we're having a conversation and we don't know the answer. He looks it up, we find out the answer, his phone goes back in his pocket. But even that is a rare occasion.

But I do understand the whole phone gaming issue. The best you can do is talk to him about it or try Hamster's stop in mid sentence technique. Maybe try asking more questions when you're talking to get his opinion on things. I think if he's complaining that he feels like you two don't know each other after a year, then he needs to make a bigger effort in talking and listening to you.

I wish I had more advice for you. The best I can say is make a rule that no phones at the dinner/breakfast/meal table, where ever it is. I also agree working on your self-confidence will help -- go out and try new things, be adventurous on your own. Then you'll have something to talk about with your boyfriend. Maybe try having some date nights where it's just you and him, no phones, no computers, nothing. See where it takes you? It might be a little awkward at first if it feels like you're just getting to know each other, but it could open up the doors to communication and feeling closer.

[iffylivy]

I will definately, be trying that I hope at least with lotsa effort,and trying to have more communication it'll work out and we're both 20.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by iffylivy

I will definately, be trying that I hope at least with lotsa effort,and trying to have more communication it'll work out and we're both 20.

So you are of the multi-tasking generation. If all the efforts fail, try lowering the neckline - not to the point seen in video games (the video game characters easily defy gravity and in RL you have to contend with gravity), but still. If that fails, get your own smartphone app and do something on it while he plays his game - at best, it will rouse him out of his state of being immersed in the game, and at worst, you will not be feeling so neglected.

[tinyrabbit]

We have a no phones at the table rule, whether we're at home or in a restaurant or what.

I would recommend you stop worrying about whether you're boring and start worrying about why he's so rude and whether you're willing to accept it.