[bluedolphin92]

So, the other day I went to this concert with this guy I met on another internet forum which I frequent. I've known him there for about 6 (almost 7) years now and have always been really close to him through there. Us meeting was bound to happen eventually and the concert was for a musician we both like, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity. After the concert, we went back to my dorm and I ended up having sex with him, which was my first time doing anything with anyone. It was amazing and I know that it was probably stupid and irresponsible of me to do that after just meeting him for the first time, but I don't regret what I did one bit.

But there are a couple of things that I just can't stop thinking about. For one thing, I'm not sure exactly what it meant for us, or if there even is an "us" to speak of. I know that he likes me and that this was more than just a physical thing, but I just don't know if this means we're in some kind of relationship or what. He said we'd have to do it again sometime soon and I agreed, but he lives two states away so it won't be able to happen very often. I'm just afraid to ask him about it because I don't want to scare him away by appearing desperate and clingy.

Also, I'm stressed out because I don't know how to tell my parents. They know I went to the concert with him, but I lied about where I know him from. As far as they know, he's just a friend from my college and I just went to the concert with him and nothing else. I don't know how they'd react if I told them the truth. Part of me feels that they don't need to know the truth, but then I also worry that if this thing between him and I is anything meaningful and does go anywhere, it will just get harder and harder to keep from them and they'll just be even angrier when they do finally find out the truth.

So what do you think I should do?

[pegasus]

Hello,

bluedolphin, it says you are 20 in your profile so you are an adult and it is your choice. Why would your parents be upset with you going out with someone you have known for 7 years, surely that is better than going out with some dude (that you just met) from college.

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello,

bluedolphin, it says you are 20 in your profile so you are an adult and it is your choice. Why would your parents be upset with you going out with someone you have known for 7 years, surely that is better than going out with some dude (that you just met) from college.

Thanks for the speedy reply. And I suppose you're right. I guess I just feel there's a sort of generational difference. With my parents being in their early 50's and maybe not being as trusting of online relationships. When I first told them about going to the concert, they specifically asked if I was going with someone I'd met in real life and not just someone from the internet. The way they asked just made it sound like they wouldn't be comfortable with me going with someone I met online.

But maybe I can tell them the truth about where I met him from now that they can see I went out with him and everything went just fine. I still don't know if I could tell them the truth about what I did with him, though. They can be kind of overprotective at times. My mother, especially, still doesn't seem to understand/accept the fact that I am an adult.

[Travelinglady]

I wouldn't tell them about the sex!

[bluedolphin92]

Yeah. That's what I was thinking I might do. Tell them the truth about where I met him from, but not about what we did. I just know they'd ask though (My mom would at least. She can be pretty nosy). Since he's from two states away I'm sure the question of where he slept would come up. So maybe I could lie about how far we got, as well? I just feel like that may be the best option, since I don't want to dig too deep of a hole with the lies and exaggerations of truth.

[RomanSunburn]

I'm one of the few people (okay, only person) I know that actually told my mom, of my own free will, when I lost my virginity. And her reaction, she jokingly said, "At least you're normal." It didn't kill me or her. But that's also just the relationship I have with my mom. Not to mention I'm terrible at lying, so if it did ever come up, she would have found out anyways. But you have to do what you are comfortable with. You're an adult, you're off at college living your own life independently, and you're parents really don't need to know everything going on in your life.

I think you should tell your parents whatever you feel comfortable telling them. They're only worried about you. You're safety is the most important thing to them, and sure, finding out you lied is going to sting, the fact that you were safe about it is more important. You've known him for years, you met him in a very public place, and I'm hoping you used protection when you slept with him. You can always just remind them that they brought you up to be a responsible adult and that it's time to start trusting you with actions and consequences. You could always throw out a joking, "Do you really want to know? Cause I sure don't want to know about what you do"

I also think it's perfectly fine to talk to him about what happened instead of simply ignoring it. I don't think you'll come off clingy. Relationships are based on communication, so learning to communicate on touchy subjects like this is only going to make your relationship stronger.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

He said we'd have to do it again sometime soon and I agreed, but he lives two states away so it won't be able to happen very often. I'm just afraid to ask him about it because I don't want to scare him away by appearing desperate and clingy.

Also, I'm stressed out because I don't know how to tell my parents. They know I went to the concert with him, but I lied about where I know him from. As far as they know, he's just a friend from my college and I just went to the concert with him and nothing else. I don't know how they'd react if I told them the truth. Part of me feels that they don't need to know the truth, but then I also worry that if this thing between him and I is anything meaningful and does go anywhere, it will just get harder and harder to keep from them and they'll just be even angrier when they do finally find out the truth.

So what do you think I should do?

To him: do not make any forward-looking statements, but do make a short positive remark about the past. That won't hurt, won't make you appear desperate or clingy, and will make him melt.

To the parents: wait for now. You do not want to expend energy without cause.

[hoping4best]

does he have a girl friend? if not, it shouldnt be so hard to discuss the matter with him. and as for your parents, i dont think they need to know anything about him as yet. you can always tell them later if the relationship gets serious.