[Psychocalipso]

Hello,

I'm new here, first time posting on a forum like this I'm going to be annoying and just copy and paste what I said on my intro because I don't feel like typing the whole thing again

Well, hello. I'm Jane. I find these intro's a little difficult to make. Let's see, I'm 26. Lesbian. Psychology student. And I live partly in US and In Venezuela.

I'm here because I've been feeling quite sad after some stuff happened recently. I've been having issues coping with what some may call emotional cheating or emotional affair. I have a girlfriend, we've been together for almost 6 years. And well we've been through a lot together. My family not supporting my sexual orientation, kicking me out of the house, then taking me back in then sending me away then bringing me back. Friends turning their backs on me. A lot of silly crap from others than honestly in the end meant nothing to me, even though it hurt at the time. Well, she stuck by me all these years. She's a child sexual abuse survivor. A 16 year old cousing assaulted her during a course of 2-3 years when she was 7-8. Well, dealing with all that hasn't been easy for her. Her family isn't supportive and excuse my language but they are a bunch of egoistical ***holes. And seriously despise them. None did anything to protect her at the time, they claim they didn't know. And when she finally told them, at 16, they still didn't do anything. She suffers from ptsd, night terrors, mood swings, impulsiveness, anorgasmia, just to name a few. Well just a lot of crap she and I have had to deal with. She's 25 now. We don't live together, but I finally got her to move out of her parents house. She lives with her little sister. We go to the same university, taking different classes because I'm ahead of her. And we recently got a job at the same place. So, we spend a lot of time together.

A few days ago I was home alone and was going to log to my facebook when I noticed she left hers open. There was a message in there. From her to some guy I don't know. Well it said that she just wanted to tell him that the last time they went for coffee she had a strong desire to kiss him... Can't really say that I'm happy. I confronted her, asked her what that had meant. And she responded that she hasn't seen him in 2 years and that she just felt like saying that to him. Now, I know it's normal to feel attracted to someone even if you're in a relationship. I know I have. But what kills me is that she had the need to tell him that after 2 years of not seeing him or speaking to him. Yesterday I was feeling like crap so I had a few too many drinks, she decided to show up at my house to argue some more and in the middle of it all she started to push me and I slaped her. I can't justify myself. And I feel like crap. But still feel like she deserves it. And that makes me feel even worse. I've never cheated on her. And this is the second time I see a message of her telling something like that to a guy. Last year some dude that was hitting on her asked what spending a day with her would be like, and she responded that they would spend all day in bed kissing and watching movies. Of course We had a very heated discussion, she it was harmless and she was just telling him what she and I did normally when we had days off. Eventually I got tired of arguing so I let it pass.

Call me silly but I feel like she cheated on me. Even if there was not sexual or intimate contact. And I seriously think I shouldn't be with her anymore, I can't see myself forgiving her nor can I see myself not thinking that her casual hetero flirting via text (that's what my therapist calls it) will eventually lead to real cheating.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to vent a little.

I don't know if that works. But thanks in advance to anyone who replies.

Btw, I don't know if I should be using the trigger icon, but just to be safe...

[Lisamom]

Hi psychocalipso,
6 years is a long time. I can understand your pain. You were 19 and 20 when you started dating. I changed a lot in those college years. My boyfriend at the start of college and I really grew apart. College is a big time for change. Your girlfriend has just moved out of her parents' home. That is an enormous moment in life and for me the first time I felt truly free. I had an impulse to try new things at that moment. Stuff I was not free to do in my home, and that included some sexual promiscuity for me. She is flirting with men. She is a victim of sexual abuse from a male cousin. is it possible she is questioning her sexual identity and now has the freedom to experiment without parental judgement?

This is a hard conversation to have, but I think you need to initiate a serious conversation with your girlfriend. You deserve to know exactly what is going on. This flirting does not sound harmless, it ended in your slapping her! If you have never seen this behavior in 6 years, something is going on. Get yourself to a calm place and have a heart to heart

[Psychocalipso]

Hi lisamom, thank you for replying.

Ever since that other incident with that other guy a little over a year ago I've been doubtful of her sexual identity. I mean, I don't really care what she identifies as, bi or gay, as long as she's faithful to me and tells me what she wants.

I've tried talking to her about it and she keeps insisting she wasn't expecting a reply from this guy.

I spoke to my therapist and I feel like a total mess. She's very straightforward with me since I'm in psychology so some of the stuff she tells me is quite hard to hear. Two options she said, in simple terms, my gf is straight and is with me because I make her feel safe and I don't pressure her into having sex. Or that I'm some sort of mother figure since her actual mother is, well, I don't have very nice words to describe her.

*sigh*

[Lisamom]

That must be hard to hear, but so much better to deal with the truth than live pretending. You deserve something real. My advice would be to make yourself come first here. If you are hurting, then you need to make a change. Relying on her to make you happy is not working. You don't trust her right now, so don't place your heart in her hands. Initiate a break and have faith that if this was meant to be, it will come back together. If it was not, then it is better for you to deal with this, heal, and free yourself to find a new mutual love than continue to live in this pain