Overthinking his body language..

I'm just wondering about body language.. so my boyfriend has never been very touchy, he never holds my hand when walking or in the vehicle or anywhere. Sometimes we cuddle on the couch but he has a bad back so he usually complains about. He rarely kisses me..

Sometimes when I'm doing the dishes he'll come up and smack my bum or grab it. He tickles me a lot, too. We cuddle almost all the time when we're sleeping.

We've only been dating for 10 months and I don't live with him, but I do sleep over 5-6 nights/week. He doesn't text very much - just to make plans or to see how my day is.

When we go out, he is a very outgoing person and engages in conversations. I have witnessed girls hitting on him before and him not being a jerk to them. He later says it's because he "can't be an asshole" but would never cheat.

Does this seem like the type of man who loves me or am I blinded by my own affection??

Our relationship is very rocky.. we had a rough start, well it's beenrough the whole time I guess. We seem to have trouble communicating when one of us is upset about something and it puts a lot of strain on our relationship but for some reason we can never break up. One of us will always text something after I storm out of his house and we'll end up back together..

He says that he does love me (although a couple times when we got in fights he would say "loved you" like it's already a past thing) but he rarely actually says it.. but then again neither do i.. I guess only for fear of rejection because there were a couple times where I said it and he didn't say anything. Awkward.

Also.. he has a 6 year old who he has every second weekend from a previous relationship where they were engaged but separated.. (stil don't know the reason as his answer is usually different in some way)

Any ideas/thoughts are appreciated.. I just can't tell if my thinking is tainted by my own insecurities and anxiety/paranoia of being betrayed..

if you are questioning the validity of your relationship that should tell you something there.

the question is, are you happy with the way things are because they are unlikely to change. you will not likely get any more affection or connection than you are already getting out of the relationship. are you happy with the level of communication that the current relationship offers.

everybody fears being alone and staying in a bad relationship is often preferable to being alone. but being alone could open the door to a healthier relationship farther on down the road.

only you can determine whether this relationship is something worth staying in. does he make you feel valued and loved? does he meet your needs? do you feel cherished when you think of him? those are the things that love is about. do you get out of the relationship what you are putting into it? lots of things to think about. only you can answer those questions.

Thank you, Kaliope. It's weird because I do feel like our relationship is bad and I know my heart is screaming it at me but I just keep talking myself out of it.. there have been red flags for our relationship the whole way but I keep believing him when he swears that he loves me. I guess I just can't see why he'd stay with me if he doesn't love me.

I feel valued and loved every once in awhile but the bad times outweigh the good.. I'm convinced that it might be my own doing though as I have been jealous and caused some drunken and sober arguments that led to us having very bad fights. I guess in the end my heart will be telling me what to do though and I should listen

Two people can love each other, but still have an unhealthy relationship.

I cant tell you what to do, or even what would be best in this situation, but I do think you would benefit from spending time working on yourself and improving your self esteem and self worth. Whether or not you can do that in this relationship or not is something, I think, only your can answer.

I have just recently begun to actually make steps toward getting better emotionally.. taking Zoloft (was reluctant for a year before caving and deciding I'd better atleast see if it could improve my life), I've taken up a new hobby (dance) and planning on starting to go for bike rides/rollerblading or just walks as the weather gets nicer. I'm hoping this will all lead to me just being so happy that none of these small things will get to me.

In the meantime, I just wish there was a magic question I could ask him or some way I could trick him into telling the truth of whether he loves me or not lol

That IS endearing, but does he also do his share of housekeeping or do you wash the dishes and do everything else by yourself? Inequitable division of household duties can by itself lead to resentment (and so it should).

No actually he's pretty good for that. He always cooks and I just do the dishes after because I still haven't learnt to cook because I don't really enjoy it lol.. I feel like an idiot in the kitchen. The only "chore" I ever do at his house is do the dishes.. sometimes I feel like I should do more but I'm only there from after work til bedtime then on weekends usually. And he's unemployed right now so he has all day to do housework so I've never offered.. plus all I have is a drawer there and a cupboard in his bathroom. I just fear that after all of the bad times where I've been jealous and an annoying, clingy girlfriend maybe now he doesn't love me.. but I want to improve myself then see if our relationship will improve as well.

All of it looks good. Your plans to get better emotionally look good as well. Focus on making them reality and do not think back to the times when you were a jealous, clingy, annoying girlfriend. It could have not been THAT bad or he could have left you. Since he is not court-ordered to stay with you, he must be staying with you out of his free will. So he must like you enough to cook for you, right? While that may or may not mean that he has passionate all-consuming love for you, it is good enough to continue on and then take a look at the relationship a little later, after you have made progress on your plans.

You seem rational, and logical, you know that one issue is lack of more communication and that's the source that's putting a strain on your relationship. I'm not a relationship expert, and I still fight with my fiance a lot. There will be arguments in relationships, ups and downs, the thing that matters is how you two compromise cause no two people are alike and we can't read minds. I see arguing as a way to know how the other person will act, forgive, compromise, learn. I told him if I ever get mad, just hug me and calm me down - that's what he does. Forget that 'happy go lucky couple' I always thought I could have a fairy tale relationship it's not true everyone fights behind closed doors. I got mad at him for not holding my hand, finally I had a convo on that -now he takes my hand whenever we're out! The most important thing is you. Great youre holding up hobbies, working on yourself. He is not what makes you, trust your guts