[wi_fighter]

My mom really irritates me when it comes to dating.

I live in a little town (population 3300) in the middle of farm land. There is literally nothing to do here besides sit in a bar or go to church. No lie, no exaggeration, that's IT.

This is one of the reasons I was hesitant to tell her I was seeing anyone. One, she thinks as soon as a guy gets involved with me that he should be my pillar of strength and do every damn thing for me. Thanks, but I've managed to get by the last six years pretty well. I don't need to be "rescued" again. I had to move one time and had been dating someone for about two months. She went off on him for not being there as early in the morning to help as she and my stepdad were. Gawd. She told him "Shirley's next boyfriend had better have some ambition, AND A TRUCK."

Second, she says "if they really want to see you, they can do some of the driving to your place. Don't be so desperate to always go see them." That is just utter BS. I don't like being stuck in this town. I'm sure as hell not going to expect someone to drive 40 minutes one way from a city with actual things to do just so we can sit here and watch paint flake off the walls.

As soon as she let those words fly out of her mouth I just said (and I'm paraphrasing. I was so irritated that now I don't remember the exact wording):

"Mom, leave the damn driving arrangements to me, OK. You always complain that I do all the running and it makes me look desperate. I have a very flexible schedule. B. has to be to work at 7:30, he doesn't get home until 5:30, he's usually in bed by 10:30. I'm NOT going to make him take another 90 minutes out of his evening to sit in the car to come here. He feeds me when I'm there, he pays for any activities we do, he drives us around in his car. It's not like I'm spending all of my money and he's not spending a dime."

Plus I love being at his place. He has about 5 acres of overgrown apple orchard on his property and it's so peaceful to go back there with the dogs and wander around. And if I worked at an office, I'd be paying to commute anyway, so what's the difference if I'm commuting to do something I actually enjoy or to go sit in a cubicle and be isolated for 10 hours a day?

Man, she annoys me.

[lenjan]

Moms are definitely a PITA! But good for you for standing up for yourself with yours. Come over here so some of that rubs off on me!!

[wi_fighter]

It irritates me that she says I'm being "desperate" by doing the driving. I couldn't take it any more. Usually I just let it slide, but I needed to get through to her that those comments aren't acceptable.

Candy, I'd gladly come and rub some off on you, if it'd work.

[PasDeDeux]

Good for you. I am thinking mom is stuck in the old days when men had to do it all and we sat around in dresses with pearls on vacuuming. Good luck with the new guy I hope this works out for you

[wi_fighter]

She probably is. Thing is, why is it OK for the guy to do all of the running around? The last time she dated was in the early 80s, and she's 72 now, so you can kind of get an idea why she thinks the way she does.

I got to watch her go through a ton of "boyfriends" after her first divorce, and it wasn't pretty. I was constantly running around behind her pointing out why she needed to cut it off with these guys. What was really strange is she kept getting involved with all of these verbally abusive drunks, and that wasn't what my grandfather or my father was like. Guess she was hoping if she went to the opposite extreme she'd have better luck.

Anyway, she's the last person I'm going to take dating advice from. What B. and I have now is working out just fine. Yes, it's a bit of a drive, but considering where I live, and the limited pool of dateable men, it's not exactly a choice I have. Plus he has three rather large dogs, and one of them is, as he puts it, "a pathetic rescue dog" who doesn't like being away from dad for too long. There's no way he's going to pack up three dogs every time he wants to come see me. It's a lot easier for me to load up one, or leave her here with one of the kids. And, he does quite a bit of driving with his job. I think it'd be awfully rude on my part to expect him to do even more driving during his limited weeknight relaxation hours, don't you?

[Determined]

My thoughts are it is better to keep the distance for you. I'd drive just to keep my relationship private for a while. Seems easier to get to know someone without alot of others watching what you do. I live in small town USA and everyone knows your business. They will have you doing everything from ____ to ____ before you actually do it. They just don't have anything else to do in small towns so they make gossip to entertain themselves. At least if you date away from them it will be harder for them to prove. Just my opinion. Sorry to any of you if you are from a small town and like the atmosphere. I am not use to everyone being in my business.

[wi_fighter]

I have no reason to keep the relationship private. The driving has nothing to do with the fact that I live in a small town but rather that there's nothing to do here. Why have him drive 30 miles out here just to turn around and go right back from where he came to go do something?

I'm a little confused on your "harder for them to prove" comment. Um, there's nothing I'm trying to hide or disprove.

[Determined]

NO Just saying they make up things that aren't true. My neighbor had a friend over that turned into something that was so outrageous that came from one persons misconception and turned into more than it should have. Just saying you don't have to have everyones opinion of what you do. You have a right to get to know someone without others opinions. Even your moms.

[wi_fighter]

If it makes any difference, I'm a transplant to this town. I don't have lifelong ties to it or anything. For the most part, everyone keeps their distance. My mom lives almost 3 hours away by car, so she's not constantly in my face either. She just needs to keep her dating advice to herself, considering her own track record.

[PasDeDeux]

Yes I do and like you said YOU like it where he lives and all the things you can do so it seems silly not to get away from home and have fun while you give him a break.

[wi_fighter]

Another thing she asked me about him was "is he going bald?" What the hell difference does it make? Yes, he is, but he's enough taller than me that I don't really notice it. LOL

He's got soft, wavy, salt-and-pepper hair that curls in the humidity at his neckline.

He's balding, graying, and wears glasses, and it works on him. The man's damn sexy. Good thing he's not an active therapist or I'd be beating off the "My T is soooooo sexy. He's going to dump his girlfriend and marry me" types with a stick. hehehe

[seeker1950]

Wi!!! I'm so happy to hear you've met someone you like. You're very attractive and I hope he appreciates your many good qualities!
Patty