[elvinchild]

Hi,
I have been dating a wonderful man for the past 1.5 years. Shared interests, values, intellect, lifestyles, etc. However, we have very different energy levels and styles of social interaction and it's been quite a strain on our relationship. I tend to be a fairly energetic and playful personality, whereas he's quite low-key and serious. I easily end up feeling restless and bored, and he has a hard time keeping up. It can be exhausting for both of us to feel like I'm always dragging him along and he isn't motivated to fully participate. We're trying to resolve the issue by taking quite a bit of time apart so I can go out and be socially active while he relaxes at home, but I worry the issue will inhibit us from getting closer. Are there any other strategies to come to a compromise over different energy levels and social styles?

[Travelinglady]

Hmmm. Well, the two of you have lasted this long anyway. I think it's fine that you get out more, such as with some girlfriends. I don't think you ought to have to stay home with him all the time.....I doubt he will change that much after all these years, so I wouldn't expect him to get very social. Would he at least be willing to go out with you for a dinner in a restaurant or to a movie theater? Or perhaps you could find a movie to watch together at home or go to some more serious activity such as a play or concert.....

Do you have any games that you both like to play? That would be something to do together anyway.

[Leed]

If you two should marry, do you think a marriage could withstand years of this?
It doesn't sound like he's going to change, and you're more of an active type person, and you shouldn't have to change either.

I really don't see a marriage withstanding this very long. One or the other of you is going to get very tired of being alone all the time, especially socially. Perhaps you're already tired of going out alone all the time.

If you're already worried about it, it's not going to get better. I'm sorry. I don't have any hints or strategies. That's just the way things are. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee