My wife is not sexually attracted to me, what can I do?

I have never been in this situation, but, I think, there are two ways to proceed:

1) Sex therapy, as Bill3 advises.
2) Open the relationship so that she can do her Craiglist or escort thing or whatever excites her and you, I imagine, would eventually meet another woman for a serious relationship. I definitely do not see YOU placing Craigslist personals ads. And just complete chastity between the two of you because she is not attracted to you (but might be attracted to random strangers - who knows? it is weird, but people are so different) and you might find somebody else attractive.

So basically like brother and sister. But if you go that route, the brother-sister marriage, I would suggest that you stop trying to have sex with her, for a number of reasons:

- if she indeed hooks up on Craigslist, she might carry communicable diseases

- she is not good for you in bed - she does not care for you, does not get excited by being with you, does not do anything positive, and dampens your self-esteem each time you try to connect with her in bed

- if it was not there in the beginning - even in the beginning - it probably simply was not meant to be. So just accept it and live in a sexless marriage since in all other regards you are compatible. She clearly would not have a problem with this arrangement, because if she is really into Craiglist ads, she does not care; YOU might have a problem with this arrangement, because if YOU eventually meet a woman for a serious relationship, she might be upset that you have a wife and cannot be there for that woman fully as she might wish. But... you do not yet have this situation, so... you will cross that bridge when...

I couldn't stay married to someone who wasn't sexually attracted to me, period, and you said you two "have never had a sexual connection."

I know 2 guy friends of mine who are married to women who they were never attracted too...one because he saw her as a "safe" option because his ex-wife he had tons of chemistry with, and she had cheated on him (the second wife is very nonsexual and I guess less interested in that so therefore less likely to cheat, per his thoughts), plus he wanted to start having a family, and she could make babies ; and the second friend married his wife because he "thought he couldn't do any better (physically)" (and said that maybe she felt the same way, too?) Ugh.

A sexual connection is part of any relationship. If it was there before and you needed to get it back, I would suggest therapy. But otherwise, you can't build a fire from nothing, and marraiges aren't worth saving just because two people are married. Both of your deserve different, more positive connections with a significant other.

And I don't think it can be "fixed" because it was never right in the first place.

All the points Hamster-Bamster makes are great, and I think you need a divorce as well.

You probably need to try Bill's approach first, and should it fail, then try the brother-sister marriage.

One of my girlfriends was in a brother-sister kind of marriage, in her case because she was not quite straight. It lasted for several years, and they were good friends, shared the bed without having sex, etc. He was very nice, the husband - charming, somewhat feminine/gentle (facial features) but not to the extreme, smart, certainly not the macho type. I have lost track of them; I think they eventually divorced in an amicable fashion.

Yes, you are right. Not a lot of men would enter such a marriage or stay in such a marriage.

Thank you we are seeing a therapist right now and so far it has helped out in a lot of areas so hopefully it will continue and we can grow closer together.

What has been going on with you and your husband?

Let me ask the women in this thread, do you prefer a man who can take charge and be aggressive or a sweet heart who has difficulty holding back his emotions?

I asked her about the Craigslist thing and she assured me she is not interested in random sex with a stranger. She compared it to me watching porn and getting excited. She reads the postings and gets off on the things people say. We even did it together last night which made it good becuase we had sex and it was good. She told me it was better this time around. I guess we are moving in the right direction, right?

I like some one who can be assertive (big difference from aggressive) when necessary (life situations) and is also open and honest in communication with me, hopefully able to express his true feelings.
Your question is too black and white...there are all different mixes of personalities of men out there in the world.

You are!! Congratulations buddy!

Thanks for letting us know this good news!

I think its possible to take charge without being aggressive - by being assertive and I think that assertiveness helps with managing emotions too.

I read a book once on assertiveness written for women called A Woman In Your Own Right - and although it was for women it had some great advice in it. Incidentally, the author who I think was Anne Dickson wrote a book called The Mirror Within - for women to grow in confidence with their own sexuality.

Actually now I've been reminded of them, I think I'd like to repurchase the one on assertiveness.

I have a similar situation. The differences are that I have been married twenty six years and before we were married, she was the one that initiated the sex. But once we were married her interest dropped off at a pretty steady rate. There have been times that it has been three month's or better between times. This has been very frustrating to me as I have a strong sex drive.
We have talked about it many, many times and she either gets her feelings hurt, or says that she is going to do better. But within a couple of weeks, back to the same non interest.
To make matters worse and I am afraid that this could be part of the problem, and that is that I was diagnosed with Hereditary spastic paraplegia thirteen years ago and I am slowly using my mobility. So I am no longer the bread winner. But I need to say that this was a problem long before I was diagnosed.
So two nights ago I asked her to be honest with me. I asked her if she ever finds herself sexually attracted to me. And she wasn't rude when she answered, but did tell me that those times were pretty rare. Our sex life has been me trying to get it too happen and her finally giving in.
I feel that I have been short handed. I believe that its both partners responsibility to make sure that the other is happy. She is very hard working and has stood by my side with my physical situation. But other than that, it feels like we are room mates. Really frustrated to say the least. And just to clear this up, before someone might say this. No, I don't think that she is having an affair. There aren't enough opportunities to undertake that task. Don't know how to handle this. Everything that I have tried has failed. I begin to wonder what her level of love is. If it is what it should be, she would be a lot more willing, knowing how important it is to me.