[LadyShadow]

Well here goes. It isn't healthy to remain friends with an ex, especially if you still love them. I thought I was over D. I mean I know its dead end with him. I know I could never make love to him, I know I can never be good enough for him. It was just something about "us". We just didn't work as a couple. But alas, I still love him, and we still talk every night, as friends.

Now I know I am going to get the same responses to this thread. Cut off communication with him. I know I have to. I just can't.

Now there is a new guy in my life. Very new. I used to be excited to hear from him, now I am feeling anxious, scared and worried. We haven't even met yet!! Its just been a couple of days of texting and phone calls. But I am literally panicking! I don't know. My skin is just crawling. He did send me another picture tonight, and he looks different from the one on his profile. I am just gonna go ahead and say it. He looked fatter and uglier, and I wasn't the least bit attracted to him. Could one picture scare me off so much? I have loved fat and ugly before, I mean I'm fat and ugly too.

I don't know. I'm a mess of confusion right now. I am thinking about my ex and how much I love him, yet I know its so dead end with him. And this new guy just turned me off so much. I want to be happy. I want a relationship. I love my ex-boyfriend. UGH!! Sometimes I wish I never met D, then I wouldn't be going through this with this new guy. We broke up in February, and I have just been holding on because I don't want to be lonely. There is no hope for a reconciliation, he doesn't want me.

Help! Just help!

[curley]

Hi Platinum. If you are not attracted to the new guy then move on. He is not the only guy. Feeling like you need to have a guy in your life to be happy is not healthy because you are depending on someone else to make you happy and that will never work. You are the only one that can make you happy.
It sounds like you are doing that with your ex too. Obviously there is a reason you broke up, love or no love. Again, I think you are hanging on to that relationship cause you feel you need someone in your life or you will not be happy.
If you think you are fat and you are unhappy about that then maybe you could consider some type of workout, or even walking. I am sure you are not ugly!!!
I think that thought comes from not thinking much of yourself! Work on you! Learn to love you!! And remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder!!!!! Everyone is beautiful in some way!

[healingme4me]

If there are red flags, with the new guy, and you meet, in a safe place, and you know for fact, one way or another, no need to settle on him.

That said, I am wondering about the panic, you are feeling. As you've mentioned your friendship, with you ex. That, could, wreak havoc for you, in the future, and moving onto a new relationship.

Even, about a platonic, e-mail friendship, that I'd had for years, my therapist said, this, "You'll be far fetched to find a new man, that would remotely put up with this type of friendship, never mind accept it." And that was before I was dating or involved with anyone. It was a decision, I needed to make, about 'that' friendship, because it was quite emotionally involved and in-depth and it was leaving me, emotionally unavailable, to even be back out in the dating world.

So, when someone, did come along, I seriously, don't have to worry about that friendship, taking an ounce of energy away from him. If you are communicating with your ex, on a daily basis, are you going to tell him, to get lost because there's a new man, in your life? It's better to cut ties, for the right reasons, not use a new person as an excuse, to him or even to yourself, as in some ways, your ex becomes a crutch and fall back, regardless, if there is a future between the two of you. And also, why jeopardize, your future, like that?



PS, why not, bring up, to the new guy, your concerns, about 'hey, what happened, your pictures are different?' It's better to ask these questions, directly, than to stew and fester on them...