[Aiuto]

I am in my early 30's one child single mother.I cannot handle relationships in general let alone trying to be with a man in a relationship.I have PTSD,Major Depression,TBI,Chronic pain just to put the major problems out there.I have lost pretty much all my friends but one that is in a different state.All my mental and emotional has happened in a blink of an eye from a car accident a few years ago.I have multiple M.D.s/therapist helping me.

I had a BF of a year and half until I got my diagnosis and he left me.Which was best for me because he was putting me threw hell and told me "I just believe the people in white coats"!Well the people in white coats were right and I was always complaining about physical symptoms or behavior was horrible or just on a emotional roller coaster with anxiety,panic,depression etc while we were together since accident. I guess he liked my manic/mania behavior.And tormented me, mentally/emotionally abusive,narcissist,belittled me, and overall treated me BAD so I kept relapsing before I got diagnosis.

~I have MAJOR TRUST ISSUES and I often wonder if I will be by myself for the rest of my l life.My child dad passed away 7years ago. So I had some anxiety and depression from that.I had tried to date but they all call me crazy if I am honest and tell them my situation, they will end it really nasty and call me all kinds of names and say hurtful things like "Your so stupid you got hit by a car".Which was not my fault the other driver hit my car!I am trying to accept a lot and I tried to date with being honest and it backfires than I have another relapse.So I stopped dating and I wonder if I will ever feel love by a relationship?

What do I need to do lie and say nothing is going on in my life until I feel the person might try to understand and not throw back in my face and leave me with wasted time so I can relapse.I need advice badly.It makes me very lonely and sad.

[Leed]

Hi dear Aiuto ~ I understand what you're going thru. I think alot of your problem is the fact that you're being honest too FAST. LOL

Why do they need to know immediately? It's really none of their business what happened in the past, is it? Why do they need to know immediately about your mental issues? And even if you wait a month or two, why then?

Sure, a relationship is built on honesty -- I know that. But aren't we allowed to keep SOME things to ourselves? Do we have to give everything over to the other person? First we have to be able to TRUST them don't we? And how do we know we can trust them until we get to know them COMPLETELY. You cannot know them completely in just a month or two. If you did, then they wouldn't dump you and say horrible things to you when you told them!!! Anyone who truly cared for you would NEVER do that! Anyone who really cared for you would STAY with you and HELP you thru these trials and tribulations. They wouldn't just leave you during the storm.

You don't need to stop dating. You just need to change the way you do things -- like stop being honest so quickly. Wait until the two of you are committed and really KNOW each other completely. Then you can tell your partner little by little about what's going on -- unless things become a little difficult earlier and it forces you to tell him more .

I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[hamster-bamster]

Separate the facts that make you average and share those, and withhold the facts that make you unusual. Share that you are a single mom of one child, etc.

In general, as Lee said - do not overshare, people need to first EARN your trust before you decide to share.

[Aiuto]

I have PTSD amongst a long list of other things. My psychiatrist & psychologist tell me to stay in the moment do not look back or too forward. I have my mom constantly talking about me getting in a relationship!I am no where near this point!She even asked me if there is a website that match people with mental illnesses?!?!?What is her problem?I cannot even deal with the thought of trying any relationship with ANYONE!She makes me so mad.Why would she even ponder this thought?Is it so she does not have to help me or deal with me?I swear I am on my last step away from losing it totally.

[eskielover]

It does sound like your mother's pushing you into a relationship so that she can push off the responsibility of caring for you onto someone else....sadly, I do not believe that there are times in our life where having another person is the answer.

You need to learn how to cope & how to be happy with yourself the way you are now after the accident. It takes time to come to terms with how TBI's cause our reactions & how our personalities are effected by them. It's wonderful that you have great MD's, psychologist helping you......& it's important that you focus on your relationship with your only child from the marriage you had before loosing your H......that in & of itself is a major trauma to have gone through let alone the accident.

When you can get to the point where you are comfortable having friendships......only then would I consider even trying to find someone for a marriage relationship....because if a marriage relationship doesn't start out as a friendship first.....it will never be able to be a successful marriage.

Don't let your mother's pressure get to you & express that pressure to your psychologist & MD's......they may be able to have a talk with your mother & tell her to BACK OFF & give her better reasons than you might be able to express to her just because it's hard to say some things to our parents that really need to be said.

I am sorry that you are going through all these struggles in your life....it does seem like there are times when we have too many struggles to deal with....but it just takes time to rebuild our lives back into some level of ability to care for ourselves after going through such serious occurrences that have happened & even start to feel normal in the life we have ended up in & realize what that NEW NORMAL actually is.

Keep posting & expressing yourself. I have found that my best understanding of where I am comes from writing & reading my thoughts & having wonderful input from others to help me in that understanding.

Be easy & patient on yourself.....you definitely deserve that after all you have gone through