[WatersWall]

Hi All,

I dont know how to deal with this but here it goes ... me and my GF have been together for 5 years, we have a 3 years old. Our relationship is like 2 roommate, there is no intimacy or romance. We had sex twice in the last 3 years. She has self esteem issue causing her to be self conscious and has no libido at all. She never been that sexual from the start but I thought she would warm up eventually but it got worse. Anyways we have other incompatibly as well but the reason I am here is to confess that a few weeks ago at a family party, I was terribly drunk and I kissed her brothers wife, grabbed her *** and all. She kept saying she wanted a boy toy on the side and all. After the fact I felt like ****. I don't know why I did this, I wish I could take it back. If it would be a stranger, I would tell my GF and move on but I can't tell her this, it will destroy her and her brothers marriage most likely. it would affect the whole family.

You can judge me all you want, that's alright but how would you deal with this being in my shoes?

[Open Eyes]

Sorry you are in such an unhealthy relationship and you happen to also have a young child and I am sure you worry about your child's welfare too.

Sometimes things happen that make a person face themselves and their situation and FINALLY decide to ask for help. Unfortunately, alcohol can play a big role when it comes to a person letting their guard down and doing really "stupid" things. You can't change what happened, but you can most definitely learn from it and as you have done so here, finally ask for help and guidance, hey, you are only human and we can all use help and guidance at different points in our lives. It would benefit you if you looked into finding a therapist so you can vent these challenges and get help and guidance about making some important life decisions because you are most definitely in an unhappy relationship and you deserve to be happier and more fulfilled in your life and that could mean ending this relationship. Your wife should be seeking therapy as well so she can work on her issues, it would be better for not only her, but, your child as well.

So, consider this recent bad choice of yours to be a wake up call that you need to find help and guidance because you are "stuck" and need help moving forward in your life because things can't go on like they have been, it's unhealthy for you, your wife, and your child.

[WatersWall]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Sorry you are in such an unhealthy relationship and you happen to also have a young child and I am sure you worry about your child's welfare too.

Sometimes things happen that make a person face themselves and their situation and FINALLY decide to ask for help. Unfortunately, alcohol can play a big role when it comes to a person letting their guard down and doing really "stupid" things. You can't change what happened, but you can most definitely learn from it and as you have done so here, finally ask for help and guidance, hey, you are only human and we can all use help and guidance at different points in our lives. It would benefit you if you looked into finding a therapist so you can vent these challenges and get help and guidance about making some important life decisions because you are most definitely in an unhappy relationship and you deserve to be happier and more fulfilled in your life and that could mean ending this relationship. Your wife should be seeking therapy as well so she can work on her issues, it would be better for not only her, but, your child as well.

So, consider this recent bad choice of yours to be a wake up call that you need to find help and guidance because you are "stuck" and need help moving forward in your life because things can't go on like they have been, it's unhealthy for you, your wife, and your child.

Thanks for your replay, much appreciated. I will seek help and if it wouldn't be for my daughter, which I love to pieces, I would plan my move and just end it. We dont have the same libido, I am a neat person as she is more relax on housework, we dont like the same music, we dont like the same humour, she never ever talks about sex or wants to try new things. all she talks about is her work and her weight .... I am no angel myself as I can be a bit annoying at times but we are both really unhappy at this moment .....

[Erebos]

Well sometimes things happen that point out to us just how screwed up things have gotten.

Do I think you should go all confessional? No.
I think you have realised something has to give, now you just need to figure out what that is.

You and your partner need to have a long talk, maybe mediation, or couple counselling.
If your partner isn't up for changing how things are you have a tough call to make, since I assume you don't feel you can continue as things are indefinitely.
And this isn't just about you your girlfriend is obviously not getting the most out things.

Here's wishing you all the best.

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree about couple counselling. It's a thing you need to discuss with her, but both of you need to stay on the same page at least on this.

[WatersWall]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Well sometimes things happen that point out to us just how screwed up things have gotten.

Do I think you should go all confessional? No.
I think you have realised something has to give, now you just need to figure out what that is.

You and your partner need to have a long talk, maybe mediation, or couple counselling.
If your partner isn't up for changing how things are you have a tough call to make, since I assume you don't feel you can continue as things are indefinitely.
And this isn't just about you your girlfriend is obviously not getting the most out things.

Here's wishing you all the best.

Counselling maybe but she always has been passive and non affectionate so I dont think counseling will change how she is .... I need someone to have conversation on different topics ... everything that interest me or talk about ... she almost never has much to say about. I don't feel the support from her on my emotional state or my success ... she is not there for me physically or mentally ... no hugs, no touching, no appreciation ... I dont think she loves me anymore but she doesn't know it ...