[MissAnonymous]

Hey! I have a huge problem, or at least ot me it seems huge. My boyfriend of over a year has met a girl on myspace.com and asked me if he could start talking to her. He said he wants to talk to her so it will help his Japanese since she speaks it fluently. I said okay, but after saying that i became so upset at though he was going to start to like her. He told me this morning that his friend Alex, that girl, and himself went to a diner last night at 3 in the morning because it just so happens his friend Alex is "trying to mack it to her". My boyfriend told me he would never ever cheat on me because he thinks it's disgusting, and told me I need to be able to trust him. All morning I've cried and cried and I don't know if I have a reason to worry, or if it's just me being crazy. Any advice?

[Willow]

Hi... I have a little bit of a different perspective on the situation. Thought I would chime in and maybe get in a little bit of trouble, but oh well. I think learning japanese from a girl on myspace and going to eat with another guy friend and her at a late hour is not a breach of confidence. He could have called you at 3 a.m., but I think it was more of a spur of the moment thing. Every relationship needs some space and air to breathe and trust. If he breaches your trust... then you have an issue. In my opinion he did not do anything that was out of line. Can you trust him?

[MissAnonymous]

of course i can trust him. I just talked to him about it. I think if he were doing anything I would have a right to worry about he would have kept it a secret. However, he has been up front with me about everything. He IMed me to tell me that tomorrow when they talk they will only be speaking in japanese. Clearly she is trying to help him learn. She will be at his house tomorrow night for his friends birthday party, and my bf told me I should come over so that I could meet her. He knows I'm extremely jealous and knows that once I meet her and realize that she's not a threat I'll be fine. I told him it's just a lot for me to get used to in a few hours. Just last night they never talked before, and then a few hours later they were at a diner and talking. It all came at once, plus i've been having panic attacks all week, and this added to it and blew it way out of proportion. I get like this a lot.

Thanks a lot!

[Willow]

I hope I didn't overstep. You are truly the best judge in your situation. I think you are doing great at honestly communicating. Way to go!

[MissAnonymous]

you didn't overstep at all. I need all the comments I can get so I know that I'm over reacting. I

[dougcall]

If your a wonderful person and your boyfriend is a wonderful person the only thing you need to deal with is your insecurity. Have a better perception about yourself, your still the same wonderful person your boyfriend originally met right. So what if he wants to talk Japanese with someone else. If you really have a problem find him another guy who speaks Japanese!

[Gez]

Hi,

I hope you dont mind if I add my thoughts to this thread and I hope I dont upset anyone by making the comment that I'm about to make but, why would anyone go to dinner at 3am? Am I mising something here? Whilst is perfectly okay to ask this girl to help him with Japanese I would be concerned that hes going to dinner at 3 in the morning. That doesn't sound right to me. Does it to anyone else? In England we tend to eat dinner around 8pm. Maybe its me.

Gez

[yokus]

I think that them just meeting and then having dinner at 3 in the morning would definitely make me feel more than a little insecure. But then, I'm old, and as my daughter repeatedly once told me "it's the nineties, mom", so go figure. As long as you're talking about it and YOU are ok with it.

[valbends]

they weren't eating dinner... they were at a diner (By the way inAmerica we generally eat dinner between 5 and 8)

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

[Gez]

What do you mean they weren't eating dinner they were at a dinner? Is there a difference? Whether they were at a dinner or eating it doesn't change the fact that he was out at 3am with another woman.



Gez

[FearsomeAnna]

Gez,

Here in America we have restaurants that are open all night called "diners" - there's no extra 'n' there. And he wasn't out with another woman by himself, he was with a friend (a guy) and another woman. It's not unusual at all for people of all ages, but especially younger people (especially those in school/college/university) to get hungry at 2am, even if they ate at the normal time. I can't tell you the number of times I found myself starving at 3am when I was out with friends - I spent many a late night at the diner down the street from my apartment with my friends (all guys) even if my boyfriend at the time was staying home or wasn't there. I never did anything untrustworthy.

This guy has a right to live his own life and to be trusted by his girlfriend - as long as he stays trustworthy. It's not surprising or strange to be at that diner at 3am - there were a lot of times where other people suddenly decided to go to the diner and I tagged along. A diner isn't really romantic or a place for a date and his story is more than truthful.

Trust me, if you were over here, we'd be sure to drag you out to a diner at 3am too!

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

[Gez]

Dear Anna,

Thank you for putting me straight with this. We dont have restaurants open here until 3am. At least I dont think so. I feel bad about giving out wrong advice and youre right in everything you say.

Take care

Gez

[lonelyone]

I think it's good that they met at a diner to talk. It's a neutral place and the girl probably felt safer there meeting with strangers than a secluded place. All night diners are open and a lot of people don't actually eat dinner but order coffee and maybe dessert and talk in a brightly lit place. They didn't meet at a bar first did they? When those close at 2 a.m., did they then go over to a diner to finish the conversation or did they meet at the diner at 3 a.m.? Either way, I guess they are in a public place and not someone's private place.