[projock33]

Hello:

I am 22 and i have been dating my girlfriend for 2 months now and she is 20. We are both in college and we are both in the greek system. We met and began talking and hit it off pretty well. We ended up having sex pretty early in our relationship and a couple days later she told me she had something she had to tell me. She had infact slept with my big numerous times and she told me it was all casual sex. She has also slept with a nother member of my fraternity. And she has slept with 4 brothers from her brother fraternity and she continues to hang out and drink with them all the time. She has told me that she has had 30 sexual partners where as i have only had 9. She tells me i give her the best sex that she has ever had but it is proving difficult to move past her past. Also when i talked to her about her continuing to hang out and drink with people she has already had sex with, she tells me that i have to trust her that nothing is going to happen between them. She has also had sex with her best guy friend that she texts daily.

Am i wrong for feeling somewhat selfconcious about all this? Am i wrong for her continuing to communicate often with people she has had sexual relationships with?

She says that the majority of her partners were one night stands how am i to deal with that when she still lives the kind of lifestyle where that is a possibility?

She has told me that she loves me but i don't know if i can fully commit to a woman with this kind of past. I want to love her i really do but she refuses to give up hanging out with these guys because they are her "brothers"

I would like any advice on the situation.

Please Help.

[turquoisesea]

I don't think you're wrong for feeling self-conscious about this.
But also, I don't think the fact that she's had such a past means she should have to stop contact with all her exes - if it really was casual sex especially.

I think it all has to do not with her, but with YOUR values, and also about the RELATIONSHIP between the two of you. Is the relationship secure and solid? Sometimes, feelings of jealousy can happen because something isn't happening in the relationship. I went through a situation where I thought I was jealous of my ex's ex and it was my fault... looking back I can see that there were severe relationship issues and he was not being faithful in ways NOT related to that ex. Somehow those insecurities transfered onto the ex's ex, and I got insanely jealous. In my case, he still was not "over her", even though he claimed to be. She had been his only partner previous to our relationship.

our situations are different - I just wanted to say it can be very complicated and I think the more true to yourself and your relationship wtih this person you can be, the better results you will have.

[Confusedinomicon]

Both of you need to get std testing if you have had multiple partners.

It seems that she believes that sex gives her attention she would otherwise not get. She may equate sex to male attention/friendship. If you feel uncomfortable then break up because its still early yet and there is no huge commitment. Try to figure out what you want from this relationship and ask her what her expectations are. You may find that she is serious or that the nature of the relationship is a fling. Good luck!

[projock33]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Both of you need to get std testing if you have had multiple partners.

It seems that she believes that sex gives her attention she would otherwise not get. She may equate sex to male attention/friendship. If you feel uncomfortable then break up because its still early yet and there is no huge commitment. Try to figure out what you want from this relationship and ask her what her expectations are. You may find that she is serious or that the nature of the relationship is a fling. Good luck!

I have been tested after her even though we were safe and thank you for the advice

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by projock33

I would like any advice on the situation.

Please Help.

In addition to getting tested for STD's, as suggested by Confused, you should also get immunizations:

CDC - Vaccine-Preventable STDs - 2010 STD Treatment Guidelines

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by projock33

She has told me that she has had 30 sexual partners where as i have only had 9.

OK, so 9 is a low number - you referred to it using the word "only".

And 30, apparently, is a high number (I must admit, your gf has a superb long term memory to remember the exact number of one-night stands in double-digits; or, she probably has a spreadsheet in which she collects the guys).

At any rate, it appears that the optimal number should be higher than 9 yet lower than 30 - right?

How about smack in the middle?

Let us do the arithmetics:

9+(30-9)/2=9+21/2=9+10.5=19.5 partners.

Do you know of any woman who has had exactly 19.5 partners?..

If not, do you see how arbitrary your standard is?

[Neptune83]

I don't think the number of sexual partners either of you have had should be an issue. In a previous relationship the guy I was with had only slept with two people, me included. He felt ashamed of this so initially told me he had slept with around 30 or so women. The truth came out years later and I told him it didn't matter. Because it doesn't.
My husband has slept with quite a few more people than I have, most of them one night stands, he too is ashamed to admit that but I really don't care because he's with me, not them. We all have a past.
But it seems that in your eyes her past isn't exactly 'past', more present because she's still friends with these guys. I can see where you're coming from to a degree, I think many would feel a bit insecure, or at the very least their nose put out of joint because you'll always have it in the back of your mind, is she going to do it again. No one here can tell you if she will or not, because we don't know her. That is totally your call, it is up to you to judge whether or not you think she will do this or if she will remain faithful to you. Hard to tell since you've not been together that long.
If you're really unhappy and it's getting in the way then you have two choices - you can tell her it's them or you and explain how you feel about it, or you can split and move on. Staying with her and her continuing to see these people doesn't sound a realistic option for you because it really sounds as if you have a big problem with that. Which is fine, not everyone would be happy about it. My husband wasn't. When we met I had a couple of friends (who I didn't actually see any more, just chatted occasionally on Facebook) who I'd drunkenly slept with. I had said it would never happen again because I regretted doing it in the first place, I had no interest in them in that way at all. But he said he wasn't happy with me having any contact with them, so out of respect for his feelings and our relationship, I ended those friendships. My husband meant more to me than a couple of people who I rarely spoke to. Some might say he had no right to ask that of me, but he felt uncomfortable and to be honest, I would probably feel the same if the roles were reversed. It's not about insecurity for him, it's the fact I had been intimate with those people, they had seen me naked, I had done stuff with them etc my husband is very protective. He knows he can trust me.
So it's really up to you. Sorry if that's unhelpful, but you can't live a life on the edge of your seat constantly.