[redbandit]

First he told me he wouldnt leave town this wkd, of course he changes his mind. My family is all in Europe, and I really emotionally need him. I'm always scared to be alone, but he doesnt get it. None of my friends' husbands go outta town to play stupid games. I'm sick of it. He does it as an escape from reality. I can never escape the reality of the hell im living in. idk what 2 do. Im really too depressed to hang out with friends today, and i have a bad cold anyway. Im so sick of him being insensitive. He literally gets mad @ me when i cry and have bad panic attacks. He needs to grow up and quit acting like he's in high school otherwise, im not sure i can deal with this longterm. I dont mean to sound needy, im just sick of his sensitivity.

[Trippin2.0]

He left town to play games? I'm sorry I'm quite lost atm... Can you not join him when he goes off to do enjoyable things, or is it his form of "me time"?

Really sorry he's being insensitive, that's always a bitter pill to swallow, no matter the circumstance

[redbandit]

I've gone before, and really dont like it. Its a strange game to describe. They basically dress up and act out stuff. I find it strange.

[Trippin2.0]

Oh I've heard of those! The one I witnessed was an old war being acted out!

So... tell me, just so that I'm clear on your situation. Your husband will be off playing a game over the weekend and you want him to stay with you because you don't want to join him, and you feel he is insensitive in his choice to go away for the weekend and leave you to your own devices...

Have I got it?

Hello there.

I know its unfair to have a broken promise, and he shouldn't have said he was not going away this weekend. But as long as it doesn't take up nearly all the weekends and you guys spend some quality time together, then I would think it was fair and healthy for him to have a hobby. Its good that he has invited you in the past but it's not his fault that you didn't like it and I don't think you should begrudge him this if it is a passionate hobby. You should be pleased for him actually - take some enjoyment out of seeing him happy.

Now that leaves you. I do think that you may depend on him too much by your wording. Your depression, anxiety attacks are horrible, real and I feel for you. I am sorry to hear that he get's fed up when you have an attack, that's not fair. I wonder if some therapy would not do you some good? And perhaps take your husband to one or two so he can hear from the therapist what you suffer from in a professional manner. He may understand better, and react less emotionally.

And emotions. Your husband should be your number 1 - but he shouldn't be your only source of comfort and support. It's not healthy to need him as much as you do, to resent him for going away even though you are invited. A good support network of family and friends are important too, as well as the big one - to be able to help yourself. And that is trying to improve your mental state. It's not easy, but with good help and perhaps medication for a while, you may be able to lift yourself out of this bubble of depression. You're resenting him for going away but if you'd had more confidence and in a happier place then perhaps you could make the most of the 'me time', and seeing friends, having fun, doing your own hobbies and enjoying yourself. Basically you would be able to see the silver lining rather than just the big black cloud.

I hope you'll get some help to make yourself happier and I wish you all the best.

[redbandit]

I know I depend too much on him, i just dont know how NOT to. Does that make sense? I am seeing a new T this week. He has gone to one session with my previous pdoc. I would like for him to come to therapy sometimes, but he works M-F whenever my appt would be.
Thx for the feedback guys appreciate it

[Foreign_Soul]

I think if you explain everything to your new T they should be able to arrange something so you husband can attend, even if you see them on the weekend occasionally or something like that.
As to the weekend, as hard as it will be to be on your own I think it could be a really good opportunity for you. Try doing something simple for yourself- paint your nails, have a nice long bath, watch a girly movie. Make the weekend about you and just remember- it's only a weekend.

Originally Posted by redbandit

I know I depend too much on him, i just dont know how NOT to. Does that make sense? I am seeing a new T this week. He has gone to one session with my previous pdoc. I would like for him to come to therapy sometimes, but he works M-F whenever my appt would be.
Thx for the feedback guys appreciate it

Hopefully the new T will help you understand why you do this, and understanding is a good step in changing. I do understand that we can get set in a pattern and it's hard to get out of it.

I've been in a similar situation for a short while. I've always been very comfortable in my own skin and company, but I had a short period of depression and found myself wanting to be with my fella all the time because it stopped me thinking about my own problems. Of course this isnt healthy and he was feeling suffocated and irritated with me and wanted to get away! I also found that the little things I didn't like about him that previously washed over me really annoyed me and I got a bit angry at times. At the time this was all his fault in my head, but in reality he was just the same person he always was, the one I loved, but I had changed with the depression.

I just had to work hard to understand my depression and then develop my own interests again, and remember the girl I once was before I'd got depressed and the happy, independent woman I was before I met him. I also changed my attitude - ie, when he was away with work, I enjoyed all the things he didn't - movies, not eating set meals, listening to all the music he hates - and I did not miss his snoring!! It really helped me appreciate time to myself again and I actually started to look forward to it. He's on holiday for two weeks with his pop soon, and although I will miss him terribly, I am looking forward to my own 'holiday' away from him and being selfish with my time!

I don't know the reason why you are depressed, but I do think that working on depression will help your marriage and day to day living a heck of a lot. And hopefully the black cloud will start to lift.

Good luck, and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Hugs.