The one who got away?

So I recently recieved a group email from a college friend. From this email I found the email address of another friend I used to be very close to in college. The friendship actually went downhill towards the end (I was depressed & needy & ended up being kind of mean to him). I've seen him only once or twice in the past 9 years or so.... and he wasn't overly friendly (not rude - just cordial).

I *really* want to email him... just to see how he's doing, but also to kinda hash out why I was so horrid to him back in college, to appologize and hopefully reconcile. I mean, even if he were married & had kids, I'd still want to be friends and exchange a random email from time to time with him.

But the more rational (fearful?) part of my mind thinks I should just let it all go. Water under the bridge. If he wants to contact me - he can find my email address the same way I found his... and he can write to me if he wants to. But clearly... it's been 9 years and I haven't let go of it yet. Maybe I need some kind of formal closure?

So what should I do? Email him or not?

I would say yes. I hate conflict and feel if you need to say something say it while you have a chance. You never know when something might happen to someone and you feel guilty later for not having said things you needed to

I say go for it..I have been doing this ALOT lately..finding old friends..friends that once used to mean the world to me..that I left on bad terms with..and I have many..one in particular..like you I am having difficult making the move to actually contact..I have her number..she knows I have it..she gave it to her sister to give to me..she does not have mine..the move is mine to make..like the move is yours to make..it is fear that holds us back..fear of what they will say to us..at least I think that is what my fear is with this particular friend..anyways..I have to tell myself..what is the worst that can happen? nothing worse than what has already happened between us that has split our friendship for eight years..but at least I will have tried..right? and you will have tried too..and I think THAT is what matters. So put your fears at rest and go for it..I think I am going to too!

Thanks for your input. I guess I need to think a lot about what exactly I want to say, and what I expect to get out of it.

I would send him a friendly email and ask how he's doing...Then, if he responds, you will learn of his status, re/married, kids, etc. You never know!
Patty

Rebel..

don't set your expectations too high..that is when you get hurt the most..sometimes we set them so high that when the call or the email is returned and the response is not what we wanted, our expectations are so let down that we forget what it was that we originally set out to do..but yes, think about what you want to say to him before hand..or do what seeker said and send him a friendly note and start out light and then get into the heavier stuff later on, when you are more confortable about it all.

Email him! Email is safe, just keep a pen name or someting to be sure, and do not do anything stupid! Good luck to you and God bless! Sarah

There's no harm in trying and then at least you will know for sure how he feels what he thinks... you can't feel much worse than you already do!

Well, I sent him email #1 - pretty light & friendly. Hopefully he will respond. Then I can send him a more serious, from the heart, email. I casually asked if he was married and or had kids... because if he does, I think that will change the tone of the email I'll send him next. I *really* hope he responds!!

Why would it change the tone of your email if you really just want to clear the air and be friends at most? Good luck.

I hope he responds too. Please let us know what happens. Good luck.

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PasDeDeux said:
Why would it change the tone of your email if you really just want to clear the air and be friends at most? Good luck.


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Because one of the things I want to say to him is that even if nothing can come of it, I was madly in love with him but never had the guts to tell him. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say to a married man. If he's married, I'll just say that his friendship was extremely important to him, but I never had the guts to tell him how much he meant to me.

Now I'm waiting, waiting, waiting.

I went back last night and reread his old letters to me. I was so stupid back then, he really did love me, I just couldn't see it.

Keep us posted!
Patty

Rebel..hope you get a response soon and that it is what you are hoping for and expecting!! Take care and keep us posted!!

I'd go with the latter part of what you say anyway...it's been nine years after all. Good luck and keep us posted. Lisa