I'm in my early 20's and I've never had a boyfriend. 2-3 years ago dating was something that I wanted experience. Now, I just don't care. I literally have no desire to date at all. I can even watch a romantic movie without feeling sad or shameful. I'm not sure if its me being depressed or maybe I'm detached?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by bohemiangirl85

I'm in my early 20's and I've never had a boyfriend. 2-3 years ago dating was something that I wanted experience. Now, I just don't care. I literally have no desire to date at all. I can even watch a romantic movie without feeling sad or shameful. I'm not sure if its me being depressed or maybe I'm detached?

I am not sure what you mean by saying that you can even watch a romantic movie without feeling "shameful".

I also am not sure that "depressed" and "detached" are mutually exclusive - either/or.

[Travelinglady]

I'm not sure either. Are you sure you aren't having some depression?

As far as not dating, I was slow to develop there, too. I didn't start dating until I was in my latter twenties and didn't marry until I was in my early thirties. I was busy with schooling, for one thing.

[patchwork5]

Maybe you're just smart enough to reject the toxic relationship models presented in mass media

Do you not want to date (which makes perfect sense to me) or do you not want partner(s)? Because those are two different ideas to me. I suspect a lot of people would skip the dating phase and go directly to partnership if they could

My psychologist told me that if I didn't improve with my social anxiety eventually I would convince myself that I didn't want a girlfriend. Maybe this is what is happening with you.

[sarek]

I have hope for you. I entered my very first (and so far only) relationship when I was 44. And even though ours is primarily long distance and fraught with enormous obstacles I am still happy that she was the first one to find me.

Originally Posted by patchwork5

Maybe you're just smart enough to reject the toxic relationship models presented in mass media

Do you not want to date (which makes perfect sense to me) or do you not want partner(s)? Because those are two different ideas to me. I suspect a lot of people would skip the dating phase and go directly to partnership if they could

I meant to say that I don't want any partners. I apologize for being confusing.

[patchwork5]

No need to apologize; if I was never confused, that would be proof I was never trying anything that might tax my brain

Is this state of affairs painful, or causing you problems? I mean, I think it is unusual, and I think love is good for everyone, but if you're happy with your current life and your future prospects...well, if you wanted to date a few years ago, do you know what changed?

Originally Posted by patchwork5

No need to apologize; if I was never confused, that would be proof I was never trying anything that might tax my brain

Is this state of affairs painful, or causing you problems? I mean, I think it is unusual, and I think love is good for everyone, but if you're happy with your current life and your future prospects...well, if you wanted to date a few years ago, do you know what changed?

1)I never had a relationship with my father, so that might be a reason.
3)I always felt that I'm too awkward to be in a relationship.
4 Maybe I'm not completely over my social anxiety.

I'm happy with my current life (relationships wise). I just hope I don't regret it later in life and then it will be too late. Someone told me that I will eventually want to be in relationship and a family but I don't see it happening.

[Lisamom]

I think it is healthy that you are not pining to be in a relationship. I wasted a great amount of my time in my teens and early 20's dating guys who were not right for me, even when I knew it because I wanted a relationship so badly. This got me hurt and I hurt guys when I broke up with them and took away time I could have used for more valuable pursuits! That being said, I think your recognizing your social anxiety and negative thoughts about yourself are worth exploring. Saying you feel too awkward to be in a relationship is concerning. Socially awkward people can have relationships! What does socially awkward mean exactly? Are you too shy to get to know some one romantically? Many people are uncomfortable being romantic with people they just met. I don't mean sex when I say romantic. I mean dating and pursuing romance with someone new can be very awkward while some people are naturally flirty and find it exciting. I would focus on developing friendships with potential partners and if a common crush develops, be open to giving it a try.

Originally Posted by Lisamom

I think it is healthy that you are not pining to be in a relationship. I wasted a great amount of my time in my teens and early 20's dating guys who were not right for me, even when I knew it because I wanted a relationship so badly. This got me hurt and I hurt guys when I broke up with them and took away time I could have used for more valuable pursuits! That being said, I think your recognizing your social anxiety and negative thoughts about yourself are worth exploring. Saying you feel too awkward to be in a relationship is concerning. Socially awkward people can have relationships! What does socially awkward mean exactly? Are you too shy to get to know some one romantically? Many people are uncomfortable being romantic with people they just met. I don't mean sex when I say romantic. I mean dating and pursuing romance with someone new can be very awkward while some people are naturally flirty and find it exciting. I would focus on developing friendships with potential partners and if a common crush develops, be open to giving it a try.

What I meant by "feeling awkward" is that i'm too shy to get to know someone romantically and always feel uncomfortable. I had a few opportunities in the past but I got scared. I always run away from anything that makes me feel uncomfortable which is something that I need to work on.

Developing friendship with potential partners sounds like a good idea.

[shamon86]

Hi bohemiangirl85,
I understand what you are saying about watching romantic movies. I think I watch them sometimes to maybe remind myself that it may be possible for me or maybe I'm trying to live vicariously thru other people. At any rate, I'm 26 about to turn 27 and feel like I live the movie "never been kissed". Never had a boyfriend but have always felt like my life wouldn't be (for lack of a better word) complete if I never get married or have a family of my own. I've only asked a guy out once because I thought we were both attracted to each other, but I guess I was wrong since he turned me down. That was a huge deal for me because it was super uncomfortable to do that and then to be turned down... Ugh. But the suggestion that was made by lisamom sounds like a good idea. If a relationship is something that you want then go for it!

[manwithnofriends]

Originally Posted by bohemiangirl85

I'm in my early 20's and I've never had a boyfriend. 2-3 years ago dating was something that I wanted experience. Now, I just don't care. I literally have no desire to date at all. I can even watch a romantic movie without feeling sad or shameful. I'm not sure if its me being depressed or maybe I'm detached?

I'm not even 20 yet(!) and I feel exactly the same way. I gave up dating after just 6 months because it became clear that I was just shouting to the public for attention but had nothing to offer. No one wants people like that.