[DexterM]

Hi
I've been in a relationship for some years now, it's a long distance relationship with a girl from another country.

Things did go pretty well with us in the beginning, but then, and this is entirely from my perspective, she would get upset about something, we were supposed to talk a night but I had fallen asleep on the couch, and I got to see a completely different side of her the day after, she was being cold, any conversation I tried starting with her would be met with a conversation stopper, eventually she would decide to start talking normally, and after a while we would be laughing and talking like there's nothing wrong. Since then, it's happened a lot, but I've started shutting down, I don't want to talk to her, I feel anxiety when she then tries to contact me, the few times I have tried talking to her, it'll be the same cold way, and I'd just rather do something else, play a game, or talk with some of my friends, she'll then cry, and ask how I can be with them but not with her, and I feel bad because I'm not sure how to answer that, I understand my own feelings a little, with my friends things are cheerful and there's no need for serious talk, not that I'm incapable of serious talk, I've had plenty of deep conversation, or even talking about some of the problems I go through with my friends. My girlfriend knows just about everything about me, so again it's not like I can't share it with her, I just can't deal with the coldness.

When I started shutting down she blamed me of using the silent treatment, which as far as I know is impossible to do in a long distance relationship, especially when I'm not controlling at all, I encourage her to spend time with her friends, have fun and everything, make more friends if she need to, I'm never jealous, I feel I know her well enough to know she wouldn't cheat on me. In fact she's far more controlling than me, I'm a gamer, sometimes I'll go have an online match of whatever game my friends and I happen to play, if I tell her that, I can tell almost instantly that it gets to her, and she'll start getting upset, she'll say we can talk in exactly 30 minutes, 51 minutes later when I actually had time she had already been crying and ranting, and tried to call my phone several times.

I don't want her upset, I want her to be happy, and I've tried on two occasions to break up with her for her own good, that's not just a rationalisation as far as I feel, I really hate seeing her this upset over what comes completely natural to me. She wants to talk everyday, but some days I just want to be alone, or spend time playing games with my friends.

She's actually trying to reach me right now, and this gives me the chance to write fresh from memory some of the things that gets to me the most, like how I can never have a piece of freedom, she says it's fine I'm quiet, but she want to know when we can talk, it gets me angry because I have no idea, there's no timestamp on my wanting to spend some time away from her.

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place, let me know if you want something explained in better detail. And thanks in advance.

[~Christina]

May be a silly question but when was the last time you and her were actually together as in face to face in real life?

Most people complain about the lack of communication with a long distance relationship and here you are feeling suffocated...

Reading your post, I can't help think what is in it for you - and her? Do you have a game plan - a goal to get you both in the same country and are working towards it? It seems a lot of grief for very little reward to me at the moment. Perhaps try not to break it up for her, as you said, but perhaps for you if it feels right to end it?

hugs.