[SomeoneToTrust]

Hi!! I don’t know whether it’s the right place or not, to request for the suggestion or assistance for this special problem of mine but I’m posting it here, and please don’t mind if I started this thread in the wrong section of the forum. Here goes my story. I am a very introvert and shy person. I talk very less and I find it difficult to make conversation with others. I always think twice before talking to someone and I always try to be well-behaved and polite to others. I don’t have many friends. I am already done with my graduation but my undergrad life didn’t go very well. I couldn’t make any friend even though I tried a lot but due to my shyness and introvert characteristics I was not quite welcomed by most of the other students.

But when I was an undergrad student, I met a girl who seemed quite okay with me. She appeared very comfortable interacting with me and eventually she became my friend. Everything was going fine but when the semester I was having with her was about to end, I felt I was fallen in love with her. I thought I shouldn’t spontaneously express my feelings about her rather I’d remain calm and tranquilly deal with the situation. I wasn’t sure that is this true affection or just infatuation. Anyway I decided even if the semester comes to an end I’d keep contact with her.

That semester finally ended but my feeling for her was growing stronger day by day. So I sent her few text messages but she wasn’t quite responsive to my messages. I just wanted to know how she is doing through text messages to keep her in touch, nothing special. Her replies weren’t even regular and whatever she replied, those weren’t as positive or as friendly as she is in the reality. I even tried to call her (it took a lot of courage) for couple of times but she never picked up. Even after all these things we bumped into each other for couple of few times and we both behaved just normal and polite. I never asked her why she didn’t pick up my calls or why didn’t she reply my messages or why didn't she check out how am I doing. Very soon I decided not to contact her anymore and I erased her contact information. I realized perhaps she never liked me and just pretended to be my friend all along. It’s been a while I am totally detached from her. But the point is I am still in love with her. Now the situation got worse, even if I see her photograph on social networking website (photos of my friends but she was in the few of the photos and she isn’t on my friend list) I feel sad, gloomy, terrible, disquiet, my breath gets caught up, and my heart beats faster. I have never flirted with her or I never hit on her. I’ve never done anything wrong with her, I treated her with the best I could and I was always gentle to her but yet I don’t know why she did it. I feel sad for her absence and my depression and anxiety continues to bother me as usual. I know I shouldn’t miss her, she has her right to live life to her own way but is there any way that I can get over with it?

[kaliope]

unfortunately, time is the only thing that will heal this. it doesnt sound like she was interested in you as anything more than a casual friend in school. this is nothing about you, it just means there was not relationship. as time goes by, the intensity of your feelings will lessen. you need to remind yourself that your feelings are being wasted on someone who doesnt reciprocate. in time, you will find someone who does care.

[spondiferous]

I agree. As hard as it is to hear, time is the best and really only way to heal. There are things you can do with that time: distract yourself with things you enjoy, spend less time on the social networking site, engage with other friends or make new ones (I know you said you are shy/introverted but perhaps you can put some of that courage you had when approaching the subject of your affection into finding a new friend). I'm sorry you're going through this, though. Getting over someone you care about is difficult. Possibly one of the most difficult things there is.

[markmadness]

Do you think it is really love?

I know that I have been very suceptible to getting crushes. Things are not going well for me and then I think if just this person was more responsive to my advances everything will be right with the world. Well I had someone respond once and that really satisfied my crushes for quite awhile and gave me more perspective on what I was expecting. Still suceptible to crushes but with more information.

What I try do is an inventory of what is important to me and see how the other person matches. It is possible that she has already seen a large mismatch that you missing and some inventory might allow you to see it too. An inventory may also help you find someone. I started with the deal breakers and worked down from there.

What I really want you to do because I am way to chicken to do it myself is to get really vunderable and lay the whole thing out the next time you see her and just take whatever the response is. Then let me know about it. Because I would like to know once and for all if what happens in these romantic comedies is always just a script or if it happens in real life.

[SomeoneToTrust]

Hi spondiferous!!
I am not a very social networking type of person but I occasionally log in and sometimes by coincidence her tagged pictures pop up. As for meeting new people and befriend them will be tough for me. You’ve told me use the courage I had while approaching that girl, but you know my heart was pounding and I was feeling very nervous inside to do that. Its hard but I’m trying my level best to get past of her.

[SomeoneToTrust]

Hi markmadness!!
What is concerning me the most is, that even after 2 years of this incident I still miss her. She is not the first girl I’ve ever met in my life. Although I’m a shy person but yet there were few girls who were quite friendly to me. But she was the only one I thought special. Actually I have never been concerned about being involved in a relationship before her. She was the only girl I thought about being with her, but I don’t know what I liked about her or I don’t know what made to think about her in this way, it just happened before I knew anything. I am still not looking for anyone. Both of us are now graduates and I’m continuing my higher studies but I don’t know what she does now. I have absolutely no connection with her and she also never tried to contact me, so there’s no chance we can meet again.